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  • New Death, New Life

    “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist.” – Oscar Wilde

    My friend recently passed away and his death was another reminder of how fleeting life is. Many of us that live in the modern West pursue and enjoy youth, vitality, and health. Death, suffering, pain—these things are almost antithetical to Western values. No one likes to hear about or listen to someone else’s troubles, thus we tend not to share or disclose these seemingly negative stories. For the few that are fortunate enough to have friends or community who care enough, may be able to share in private and find support through trying times.

    Death has such a profound impact on one’s thoughts and reflections, yet it is heavily avoided, perhaps even feared. I am no stranger to death, but my friend’s recent passing made me once again hit the pause button on life and wonder…

    [insert from journal entry day of friend’s death]

    What a surreal reality, death occurring at such a young age and how so many of us think we are immortal, entitled to live a long, full life. Yet, what do we spend our time doing?

    I ask myself, what would I want to be doing if I knew I was at the end of the road? Where would I like to see myself?

    The premise of this question rests on health. I don’t want to be in a place where I am too ill to do anything, but receive treatment, go to hospitals, and be looked after. If that were the case, I would want to be with my wife and loved ones, but I also desire not to be a burden. I would think about the past life and if I would regret anything? Promises unfulfilled? What would be the answer now?

    Own and ride a motorcycle? Too small… Travel? Any place I have not been? Not really… Mountains summited to seas explored and beaches basked… Momentary highs and reflections of how small we are would bring me back… home. Being with my wife in good health… Wow can’t say I have too many reservations.

    Would I be unsatisfied with the possible regret of wanting to achieve more? Seeing some things happen in my lifetime? Peace, prosperity, unity, God’s kingdom? Not really… Is that a limited, selfish, narrow perspective?

    I ask again, what would I like to see happen in my lifetime? What would I like to achieve?

    Jadedness? From traveling, seeing, experiencing, that my heart is jaded to think what is the point? Fleeting life? Yet contrast that with a couple of days ago of desiring more. Why? Leave a legacy? Leave provisions for the next generation? Am I that comfortable?

    [end]

    When we live in a culture that only celebrates and focuses on life and positivity, these seem to lose their value and meaning. For those who live a privileged life and may think that the lack of struggles and pains is a fortunate thing, ironically have the most empty lives. Many may think that they are living, but in reality they are simply existing—existing in comforts and security, in stale relationships, in consumerism, and in meaningless pursuits.

    This so called privilege we live in is evident in many facets, but more recently relevant with birth. As we are expecting a new birth and new life, it is very common to see the focus and celebration of life. Social media posts, baby showers, outpouring of gifts, letters and messages, public announcements, all celebrating new life. The scale leans heavily towards this kind of celebration, with very little room for the lamentation of the many unspoken deaths, the deep wounds and scars, unanswered questions and prayers, and those who may not be able to experience the gift of life.

    Is this the right way to approach life? Are we doing a disservice to ourselves by not acknowledging and addressing death? That death makes life precious. Death makes life meaningful.

    This is particularly more true for the Christian. Or at least it ought to be. Yet, how often do we see a new birth announcement and baby dedication in a church gathering compared to the death of a sixteen week child? How often do we celebrate life and how often do we claim victory over death? I question my belief, my faith, I question how real death and resurrection is. I question Christians living in the West, if our lives reflect something drastically different than someone who does not share the same belief? I am learning that it is one thing to say that I believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and another to live that belief out.

    I hope that I can live, and not just exist. I hope my death will be as much as a celebration as my life. I hope I can relay this message to my child and not forget how fleeting life can be and how precious it is. I hope existence doesn’t sweep over living. I hope for that resurrected life.

    My friend’s recent death has probably brought much pain to those closest to him. I don’t intend to diminish or take away any of the pain and mourning, yet I also acknowledge how his life as well as his death was truly something different…

    Tribute
    Through your life and death, you have made me reflect more on life and more on God. You had your quirks, like your particular taste buds, loving games and gaming, and being sold out for Christ, and you had such a warmth, your big bear hugs skipping over the distant handshake, your brightness that must have reflected the light of God, the light and Spirit of God. Thank you for your life, and I hope to honor you in your death, to remember this fleeting, temporary life of mine, to not waste the moments, to be grateful, to pursue, run while I can, to know more of God and myself, live unashamed, live warmly, live honestly. Thank you.

  • Brainstorm Personal Mission Statement

    The past few months I have revisited some old books like Think and Grow Rich, 7 Habits, as well as personal assessments. Today, I speed-listened to a video seminar by Jim Rohn (How to Live Your Best Life). I’m coming to a realization that the advice of the wealthy is very similar and has not really changed. I’m also realizing that I have come across these principles in the past, applied some aspects, but more recently have forgotten or ceased to practice some of those disciplines and principles. The greatest and most challenging of my most recent self-discovery and reflection is how weak my why, my desire, my purpose has become. Reflecting on where I have come from till now, I went through a season of simply wanting money and financial freedom without much purpose and mainly because that is what the culture and world taught me. However, a shift happened while pursuing greater meaning, meeting and knowing God that veered me away from desiring or coveting such things, idols, and living by one of my own principles:

    “True wealth is being content with what you have.”

    While I believe this principle’s underlying virtue is gratitude and that gratitude translates to many positive fruits, the flip-side of it is that it has made me very complacent, as well as lack desires, direction, and purpose. Initially, my fervor after knowing God supplanted all other desires and while there is also much treasure to know that there is no other greater reward than to know God, translating to know self, I have and am operating in this seemingly confusing tension, under the “tyranny of or”. It is either God and only fulfillment there or the world and what it constitutes and not have God or God’s approval. While I am approaching a realization and somewhat indefinite conclusion that God is a mystery and some things I will never understand, I don’t want to lose this life-giving revelation, yet I want desire, direction, that will translate into something tangible here. Jim Rohn said a few things that stuck:

    1. If you don’t need or expect much, you won’t be much
    2. Not all profit and value is tangible, but one of the easiest measures is money
    3. Achieving financial freedom or lofty goals is more about what kind of person you become

    Loving my wife, being an amazing and the best husband has been the primary goal the past four years and I think I have achieved this to the best degree based on what people say and by her affirmation. I don’t want to forget nor cease to be the best husband, however, I think… no I want something more.

    Today is the day to reinitiate some loftier goals of personal development, to jump start the growth of a personal mission statement, discovering inner desires and external callings, to no longer exist, but to live, and grow in who knows how long I will have on this side of heaven, on this planet, Earth, this side of life as we know. So here goes, today, June 7th, 2018, 31 years old, ordinary Thursday in Vancouver, Canada, leaning on all past experiences, knowledge, advice, teaching, guiding and forming. A word vomit to assess and brainstorm my personal mission statement:

    First, to know God, to love God, with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. Despite all the mysteries, inconsistencies, issues with churches, hypocrisy of Christians, this greater narrative, greater force and presence in my life is undeniable, provides all other structure and meaning to why I seek more, why I do, why I love, why I live.

    Second, to love my wife, my greatest gift, my partner, my friend, my helper, my house CEO, my home, my love. Four years in, could not have expected for this love to be stronger than the day we met; the love is so much better than the infatuation and the thrill. No matter what life throws our way, she will be number one priority, because at the end of the day, all the other great achievements and success pales in comparison. Nearly losing her is something to never forget, having her daily is something to always be grateful for.

    Third, now this is where there has been much uncertainty, change, and now the most excitement! What goes here? Many will probably have within the top three something along the lines of occupation, career, profession, craft, vocation, or what have you. I know that none of these are principles to stand nor rest on, knowing how feeble they are. Many, maybe lumped with marriage or spouse is family. That definition being their own or perhaps immediate and/or relatives. With a child on the way, I know that will affect and shift my life in new and radical ways. But to build on that is not necessarily principle based. The same can be said about my wife. This is the strange dilemma that has kept me largely in passive action towards life. What is the point? Rohn would say, who knows? Keep it simple. And maybe that ought to be my key to filling this out.

    “Dreams are not born of indifference, laziness, or lack ambition.” – N. Hill

    • Be the best husband
    • Be the best father
    • Financial freedom, pursue prosperity
    • Learn about community, impact community (relation building)
    • Physical fitness, strong core, flexible, healthy eating, cardio movement
    • Always learning, reading, observing, listening, challenging, writing
    • Good family member, to my parents and brother, to Gina’s parents and Jin, and to the extended we may come into contact with
    • Make the world a better place, conscious eating, recycling, cleaning, share hope and love to circle of influence
    • Focus on influence, not on the circle of concern (e.g. poverty, global church, technological destruction) (Covey)
    • Great darts player, compete in legitimate competition
    • Impact people positively. High EQ, communication, desire, and heart
    • Practice thanksgiving, generosity; combat consumerism
    • Pursue holiness, pursue God, word and deed, not just good morality; know the greater story and remember the story
    • Business? Corporation?
    • Blockchain technology? Linked with financial freedom?
    • Establish philosophy; don’t blame the resources (Rohn)
    • Coffee and beer cafe?
    • Global IQ/EQ?

    Strange how there is a limit to desires when asked to put it on paper and list. Also interesting that I can’t put anything down in context to career or occupation. Yet, that is such a major concern for so many. Rohn: “To make a living verse to make a fortune.”

    “In their hearts humans plans their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” – Proverbs 16:9 NIV

  • Theological Reflection on Blockchain Revolution | How the Technology Behind Bitcoin Is Changing Money, Business, and the World

    Bitcoin has recently garnered a tremendous amount of attention, despite it having been around for nearly a decade. Momentous highlights include purchasing pizza with bitcoin as the first transaction completed to the Silk Road scandal where numerous illegal drugs were being sold.[1] However, bitcoin attracted the most attention once its market value surpassed $10000 skyrocketing to nearly $20000 in December 2017. More recently, the price has settled down close to $7000, as of the writing of this paper.[2] Despite the negative attention and skewed portrayal of bitcoin by the media, the underlying technology has largely been overlooked—i.e., the blockchain. In the recent book, Blockchain Revolution: How the Technology Behind Bitcoin Is Changing Money, Business, and the World, authors Don and Alex Tapscott explore the bigger implications behind bitcoin and blockchain technology.[3] In this paper, I will provide a critical review of the thesis discussed in Blockchain Revolution and offer additional reflections from a theological point-of-view.

    Critical Book Review

    Similar to bitcoin, the term blockchain has become overhyped that companies with no track record of any means to utilize or adopt the technology is adding blockchain to their names, triggering huge spikes in their stocks.[4] It is important to understand not only the difference in terminology but of function in order to fully grasp the opportunities and challenges this technology presents. The original intent of blockchain was to introduce a peer-to-peer electronic cash system utilizing digital coins, or bitcoin.[5] This new protocol was first outlined by a pseudonymous author, Satoshi Nakamoto. This protocol allows individuals to send payments to one another without having to go through a third party, such as a financial institution, utilizing encryption or cryptography. The distributed, public ledger upholds the integrity of all transactions and relies on the consensus of the majority, rather than a select few. The blockchain forms as transactions in a block are verified by a node in the network, which is then immutable, linking to the following block, forming a chain. While this is a grotesquely oversimplified version of the technology, its premise is simple: “[blockchains] enable us to send money directly and safely from me to you, without going through a bank, a credit card company, or PayPal.”[6]

    The implication of this technology is massive and undated, a protocol that “enables mere mortals to manufacture trust through clever code.”[7] The public perception and trust in centralized institutions is quickly fading beginning with the 2008 financial crash to the recent massive data breaches. This ‘Trust Protocol,’ as Don and Alex Tapscott phrase it, is the culmination of technologic development over the recent decades, from the inception of the World Wide Web to the current Internet of Things (IoT). “We believe the truth can set us free and distributed trust will profoundly affect people in all walks of life.”[8]

    The most prominent and widely discussed application of this technology is with the financial sector. Much of the news is focused on how much bitcoin and cryptocurrency is being traded for, however this only scratches the surface. Because of the disruptive nature of the technology, those who hold the majority of the wealth are concerned and are seeking ways to safeguard the $100 trillion global economy by creating private or permissioned blockchains.[9] The blockchain will challenge the financial industry because of improved attestation, cost, speed, risk management, value innovation, and open source.[10] Financial intermediaries are no longer the gatekeepers to verify one’s identity or establish trust and there are substantially reduced costs and greatly improved speeds to execute transactions. Financial institutions are already adopting this technology internally and “could eventually use it to replace traditional exchanges and centralized markets, upending how we define and trade value.”[11] Influential stakeholders are attempting to keep their walls up, however,

    “[whereas] the old world was hierarchical, slow-moving, reluctant to change, closed and opaque, and controlled by powerful intermediaries, the new order will be flatter, offering a peer-to-peer solution; more private and secure; transparent, inclusive, and innovative.”[12]

    An example of this new order is Consensus Systems (ConsenSys), founded by Joseph Lubin in 2014. ConsenSys is a company that runs on the Ethereum platform[13] and functions like a holacracy, “a collaborative rather than hierarchical process for defining and aligning work to be done.”[14] The platform allows for members to own a stake in projects, incentivizing collaborative behavior. The eventual goal is to build a “decentralized autonomous organization owned and controlled by its nonhuman value creators, governed through smart contracts rather than human agency.” When asked about the risk of removing human agency in decision making, Lubin comments that his concern is not for machine intelligence as humans will evolve alongside it, or even if it surpasses humans, it will operate in a different ecological niche.[15] The blockchain allows firms to shift from vertical hierarchies to horizontal networks, connecting those on a global scale. The vision Lubin describes is that, “Global human society can now agree on the truth and make decisions in ten minutes, or ten seconds. This surely creates an opportunity to have a more enfranchised society… The greater the engagement, the greater the prosperity.”[16]

    Don and Alex Tapscott also explore the wider applications of blockchain technology from the development of decentralized applications in forming new business models to the Ledger of Things connecting the IoT. While we are currently beginning to scrape the surface of smart objects such as home thermostats and wearable technology, the near future will unfold to all these objects being able to communicate and transact with one another through the blockchain. Carlos Moreria, CEO of WISeKey, states “We are moving into another world where the trust is delegated at the object level. An object that is not trusted will be rejected by the other objects automatically without having to check with a central authority… This is a huge paradigm shift that has tremendous consequences in the way that processes will be conducted in the years to come.”[17]

    Another major impact of blockchain is the disruption of the prosperity paradox—while the global economy is growing, the scales of inequality are as well. The Global South has typically favored being anonymous to their corrupt government officials, however, new digital identities and inclusion into the vast economic network will allow for a more balanced opportunity for those in developing countries.[18] Remittances account for a large flow of capital for developing countries, however, the industry has been plagued by high fees, slow transactions, and corruption to name a few of the challenges. New companies such as Abra or Stellar are focusing on banking the unbanked and overcoming these hurdles through the blockchain.[19] The benefits and opportunities are not limited to the economic sphere but can radically change governments to form new models of democracies as well as the arts, giving power back to content creators rather than the centralized intermediaries.

    While the opportunities and possibilities of blockchain technology seem limitless, there are inherent risks and challenges as well. Some of the more apparent ones we are facing already are large consumptions of energy, government restrictions, and criminal use. There are technical hurdles impeding greater mass adoption, the fear of job loss, and a lack of a strong enough incentive to collaborate. The possibility of a Skynet where machines become fully autonomous is no longer that of science-fiction, but much more of a possible reality.[20]

    The Tapscotts acknowledge that “[the] debate over technological innovation and progress is an ancient one: Is the tool good or bad? Does it advance the human condition or degrade it?”[21] They conclude that “[technology] does not have agency. It does not want for anything or have an inclination one way or the other.” Rather, the harmful use of any technology “speaks more to the lack of strong governance, regulation, advocacy, and education than to its underlying virtues.”[22] Therefore, Don and Alex Tapscott are calling forth leaders from all industries—governments, venture capitalists, developers, academics, nongovernment organizations—to form what they call global solution networks (GSNs).[23] These GSNs are not controlled by states or state-based institutions, but involve a plurality of stakeholders, working together on and with blockchain, “pushing us inexorably into a new era, predicated on openness, merit, decentralization, and global participation.”[24]

    A Theological Reflection

    Blockchain Revolution contains bold implications and bright promises for the future. It is undeniable how revolutionary the technology is and while the authors do introduce some precautions to take, there may be even greater unintended consequences society ought to embrace for. It is apparent that in the call for global stakeholders to participate in the formation of the new world order, there is no mention for religious leaders or philosophers to contribute, which is not surprising at all. While there have been cases made that scientific experimentation and technological innovation birth from a Judeo-Christian principle and accelerated even more so from the Protestant Reformation, it is clear that society has moved on well passed these older premises. Regarding technological innovation, Professor of History and Economics, David Landes states, “Success bred imitation and emulation; also a sense of power that would in the long run raise men almost to the level of gods.”[25] Lewis Mumford corroborates this point in saying, “Mechanics became the new religion, and it gave to the world a new Messiah: the machine.”[26] What motivated the development of new technologies in the past and continues to do so today is the close link with economic profit.[27] The early conversations of bitcoin and blockchain revolved around tech geeks or the dark web; however, once Wall Street developed a universally positive opinion of blockchain and its role in finance in 2015, did the rest of the world begin to take interest.[28]

    Why this is concerning is not because there is a need to refer back to a metaphysical or religious explanation, but because of the tremendous insight previous philosophers and religious thinkers provided in the direction of technology.[29] While Don and Alex Tapscott do make a point about technology’s lack of agency in regards to the negative use of it by humans, they are making a critical flaw in treating blockchain as a neutral agent. Twentieth-century philosopher, Martin Heidegger argues, “we are delivered over to [technology] in the worst possible way when we regard it as something neutral; for this conception of it, to which today we particularly like to do homage, makes us utterly blind to the essence of technology.”[30] Joe Lubin’s perspective on the evolution of machine intelligence and his claim that it would “occupy a different ecological niche” is limited when considered against Neil Postman’s argument that “[technological change] is ecological… One significant change generates total change… Therefore, when an old technology is assaulted by a new one, institutions are threatened. When institutions are threatened, a culture finds itself in crisis.”[31] While there have been technological innovations that disrupted societies throughout the centuries, there has been none to the scale of blockchain technology. Adding further complication to this matter is the effect technology has on one’s consciousness, as discussed by sociologist and theologian, Peter Berger. Technological production is not just limited to those who are directly involved in the industry, but it has formed the consciousness of modern society affecting the way we view the world, one another, and even ourselves.[32]

    The conundrum of blockchain technology and the new age it is ushering in is that it has been long awaited for by the technological wave unleashed centuries before. It is the capstone of all innovations prior, “utilizing the machine to make the world more perfect: the machine was the substitute for… the Christian ideals of grace and redemption.”[33] All the inventions of the past along with the cultural transformations that took place surrounding it “had at last formed a complex social and ideological network, capable of supporting the vast weight of the machine and extending its operations still further.”[34] This is seen with the possibility of connecting the IoT through the distributed network, allowing for autonomous agents to communicate and transact with one another, greatly improving efficiency, speed, and costs. The blockchain is also the epitome of the network described by Francis Fukuyama in his 1998 work, The Great Disruption.[35] Fukuyama was already aware twenty years prior that “there has been substantial pressure to decentralize, federalize, privatize, and delegate authority.”[36] He writes, “If we understand a network not as a type of formal organization, but as social capital, we will have much better insight into what a network’s economic function really is. By this view, a network is a moral relationship of trust.”[37] Fukuyama understood that “it is hard to turn ideas into wealth in the absence of social connectedness, which in the age of the Internet still requires something more than bandwidth and high-speed connectivity.”[38] The decentralized, privatized, delegated authority that functions based on social capital eliminating the need for trust, fulfilling what the Internet age has lacked, this very something is the blockchain.

    The blockchain revolution in this sense has even bigger implications than what Don and Alex Tapscott propose. It is not just a new technological invention to allow peer-to-peer transactions, but with its disruption of institutions, it will disrupt cultures and consciousness on a global scale as never seen before. The possibilities of new technologies forming with and through the blockchain is no longer science-fiction. Amidst this revolution, is ironically the fate of Christian religion, which debatably gave birth to this behemoth. While it is tempting to retreat to some form of romanticism and recover the past, 20th century German Catholic priest, Romano Guardini would suggest one ought to fully understand, acknowledge, and accept this new world.[39] French philosopher and lay theologian, Jacques Ellul, takes this concept even further claiming that “[Christians] must not weaken the opposition that exists between the Christian faith, the claims of revelation, and life in the world and its demands, its faults, and its compromises.”[40] He calls for the critical position of the laymen, essential to both the church and the world, who “ought to place himself at the point of contact between two currents: the will of the Lord, and the will of the world.”[41] “Thus it is not for us to construct the City of God, to build up an ‘order of God’ within this world, without taking any notice of its suicidal tendencies. Our concern should be to place ourselves at the very point where this suicidal desire is most active, in the actual form it adopts, and to see how God’s will of preservation can act in this given situation.”[42]

    While the Christian claims that it is only through Jesus we will know the truth, and the truth will set us free,[43] there is a direct contender to this truth, the Trust Protocol. It would be foolish to dismiss blockchain technology despite its suicidal tendencies, even from a Christian perspective. The possibilities of connecting the Global South and reaching diasporas is unprecedented with blockchain technology, a relevant concern for missiology and the church. The benefits of distributing wealth and economic inclusion for the billions of people in extreme poverty as well as uplifting those in corrupt governments should be celebrated by Christians. It is a critical opportunity to be in the middle of this disruption to not only provide social and economic relief, but to provide a transcendent meaning as well. Perhaps the attitude is not to be overtly against this new era, despite its many alarming signs, but to be God’s salt, light, and sheep amongst wolves where it seems most needed.[44] It seems the world will continue along its path without inviting religious leaders and thinkers a seat at the table and perhaps rightfully so because their discourse is becoming more irrelevant. However, this may be a call for the lay leaders to walk outside the comforting walls of churches and old traditions and engage with the wolves of this world. “Of course [a Christian] can always immerse himself in good works and pour out his energy in religious or social activities, but all this will have no meaning unless he is fulfilling the only mission with which he has been charged by Jesus Christ, which is first of all to be a sign.”[45]

    Debates about the value of bitcoin have been longstanding and ongoing, with predictions of its monetary value increasing well over $20000 in 2018. What is less debatable is the inherent value and the simultaneous disruption of value itself blockchain will have in the near future. The impact this technology will make will affect all verticals, all industries, including the church. Heidegger describes the essence of technology as enframing, a challenging forth, a revealing,[46] which blockchain will do first and foremost in the financial sector, along with governments and nongovernmental organizations, music artists and videographers, developers and coders, networks and individual consciousness, and the local and global church. “Human activity can never directly counter this danger. Human achievement alone can never banish it. But human reflection can ponder the fact that an all saving power must be of a higher essence than what is endangered, though at the same time kindred to it.”[47]

    This is the time when a collective effort is needed to reflect on the implications the blockchain revolution will have on the world. While there is a call for global leaders to collaborate, how will the global church respond to such a massive paradigm shift? Will the church continue to operate as siloed, centralized institutions amidst a changing landscape? Will global Christians be able to find consensus and be on the frontiers of great disruption? Or will Christians become largely irrelevant as the religion of the machine reigns?

    The blockchain revolution has only begun.


    [1] Marco Santori, “Silk Road Goes Dark: Bitcoin Survives Its Biggest Market’s Demise,” accessed April 9, 2018. https://www.coindesk.com/bitcoin-milestones-silk-road-goes-dark-bitcoin-survives-its-biggest-markets-demise/.

    [2] Based on coinmarketcap.com.

    [3] Don Tapscott and Alex Tapscott, Blockchain Revolution: How the Technology Behind Bitcoin Is Changing Money, Business, and the World (New York: Portfolio, 2016).

    [4] Fitz Tepper, “SEC warns against public companies adding blockchain to their name,” accessed April 9, 2018. https://techcrunch.com/2018/01/25/sec-warns-against-public-companies-adding-blockchain-to-their-name/.

    [5] Satoshi Nakamoto, “Bitcoin: A Peer-to-Peer Electronic Cash System,” accessed April 9, 2018. https://bitcoin.org/en/bitcoin-paper.

    [6] Tapscott, 6.

    [7] Ibid., 5.

    [8] Ibid., 7.

    [9] Ibid., 55, 67.

    [10] Tapscott, 58–60.

    [11] Ibid., 60.

    [12] Ibid., 86.

    [13] Ethereum is a decentralized platform that runs smart contracts: applications that run exactly as programmed without any possibility of downtime, censorship, fraud or third-party interference. See www.ethereum.org.

    [14] Tapscott, 88.

    [15] Ibid., 91.

    [16] Tapscott, 89.

    [17] Ibid., 154.

    [18] Ibid., 174.

    [19] See www.abra.com and www.stellar.org.

    [20] Tapscott, 253–76.

    [21] Ibid., 277.

    [22] Ibid., 276.

    [23] Ibid., 283–300.

    [24] Ibid., 310.

    [25] David S. Landes, The Wealth and Poverty of Nations: Why Some Are So Rich and Some So Poor (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 1999), 59.

    [26] Lewis Mumford, Technics and Civilization (New York: Harcourt, Brace and Company, 1934), 45.

    [27] Ibid., 26.

    [28] Tapscott, 66.

    [29] Martin Heidegger, The Question Concerning Technology and Other Essays (New York: Harper & Row, 1977).

    [30] Heidegger, 4.

    [31] Neil Postman, Technopoly: The Surrender of Culture to Technology, (New York: Vintage, 1993), 18.

    [32] Peter L. Berger, The Homeless Mind: Modernization and Consciousness (New York: Vintage, 1974).

    [33] Mumford, 58.

    [34] Mumford, 59.

    [35] Francis Fukuyama, The Great Disruption: Human Nature and the Reconstitution of Social Order (New York: Free Press, 2000).

    [36] Ibid., 195.

    [37] Ibid., 199.

    [38] Ibid., 211.

    [39] Romano Guardini, Letters from Lake Como: Explorations in Technology and the Human Race, trans Geoffrey W. Bromiley (Grand Rapids: W.B. Eerdmans, 1994).

    [40] Jacques Ellul, The Presence of the Kingdom (New York: Seabury Press, 1967), 16.

    [41] Ellul, 20, 27.

    [42] Ibid., 28.

    [43] John 8:32 [ESV]

    [44] Ellul, 9.

    [45] Ibid., 12.

    [46] Heidegger, 12, 14, 20.

    [47] Ibid., 33–34.

  • Technology’s Fingerprint on Christian Thought and Culture

    A glance at the news and our surroundings will undeniably speak of how much technology[1] has become a central focus and part of people’s lives. The growth of the digital footprint over the past two decades alone has been exponential and shows no sign of stopping. While there have been numerous benefits of technology, society is beginning to experience some of the adverse consequences and is now being challenged with difficult questions such as the negative effects of social media. While it is easier to identify certain effects of technology, particularly those directly associated with the field or product, it is more difficult to be aware of how it influences and shapes our thinking.

    This paper will focus on how much technology’s influence on human consciousness consequentially impacts Christian thought and culture.[2] I will be painting broad strokes across multiple areas with the intent to bring awareness. This brief exploration will not discuss the positive impacts of technology for the church and broader culture, while I do acknowledge them. Nor is it to prove or voice a pro- or anti-technology stance, but rather to state the current condition of Christian thinking and perhaps reevaluate how to consciously think ahead.

    In order to claim that Christian thought and culture have been compromised, it is imperative to understand the effects of technology at the level of consciousness as well as knowing its ideology. First, regarding the effects of technology at the level of consciousness, Peter Berger best demonstrates this by examining the “essential concomitants of technological production” and how it shapes the “everyday consciousness of ordinary people engaged in [it].”[3] There is an organization of knowledge intrinsic to technological production. Workers possess a specific knowledge in relation to a much larger pool of scientific and technical knowledge, which creates a hierarchy of experts.[4] This work knowledge is unique in content as well as in style, which consists of mechanisticity, reproducibility, and measurability.[5] There is a cognitive style intrinsic to technological production, with its main features being componentiality and the assumption of maximalization.[6] These features and their impact will be expounded upon later. The key takeaway that Berger argues is that it will be “very difficult to ‘think away’ these elements while assuming that technological production will continue.”[7] The result is that this unique technological consciousness bleeds into the majority of the population. “For better or for worse, it is not necessary to be engaged in technological work in order to think technologically.”[8]

    Second, an ideology of machines has emerged in the technologically dominated culture. Neil Postman defines an “ideology as a set of assumptions which we are barely conscious but which nonetheless directs our efforts to give shape and coherence to the world.”[9] One assumption of technology is that it “[eliminates] complexity, doubt, and ambiguity,” which can result in a lack of intellectual struggle for the ordinary thinker.[10] A consequence particular to the field of medicine is that medical technology has dissociated the disease from the patient and thus created a hierarchy where the “objective” technology is more reliable than the subjective patient.[11] In other words, the ideology of technology is that it is more trustworthy. Another unique assumption of technology is its ability to think, or more popularly known as artificial intelligence. When society continues to use and depend on artificial intelligence and unknowingly acknowledge a technology’s possession of beliefs, we reject the “view that humans have internal states of mind that are the foundation of belief and [argue] instead that ‘belief’ means only what someone or something does.”[12] Highlighting this ideology of technology may provide further clarity to its impact on Christian thought and culture.

    With the above foundation in mind, we can now assess the impact this technological thinking and ideology has on Christian thought and culture. The organization of knowledge intrinsic to technological production impacts Christian thinking by disrupting the oneness of body. While there are some similarities between the hierarchy of experts within an institution and a Christian body,[13] the mechanical and reproducible nature of technological production can make one feel replaceable and dispensable. This is in direct contrast to Apostle Paul’s instruction, “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you,’ … On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are dispensable.”[14] While the irony may seem that the Corinthian church struggled with this issue before the technologically dominated world, it is only enhanced in today’s worldview. When Christians are constantly influenced by technological thinking whether in their workplace or subconsciously with the use of technology, it is ever more difficult to properly view Jesus’ definition of his body. With globalization ever increasing, this type of thinking not only affects the microcosm of a local body, but on a macroscale as well where each church may view others as dispensable, measuring success with false proxies such as attendance and finances.[15]

    Closely related to this aspect is componentiality, i.e. “the components of reality are self-contained units which can be brought into relation with other such units—that is, reality is not conceived as an ongoing flux of juncture and disjuncture of unique entities.”[16] One major consequence is the “segregation of work from private life.”[17] While this occurs at an institutional level and thus a common prerogative for those seeking a job is a good work-life balance, this type of consciousness has impacted Christian thinking reflected in the Sunday-Monday gap.[18] There is a clear struggle for many Christians to connect their faith and work, and thus there is a lot of focus on redeeming one’s vocation, faith and work movements, or business as missions. The point here is componentiality has made its impact and now Christians are forced to respond to the consequences.

    Another aspect of componentiality reveals itself through anonymous social relations. Berger argues that there is “an intrinsic requirement of technological production that those who participate in it define each other as anonymous functionaries.”[19] This has broad implications affecting the way people relate to one another and even one’s own identity. The componentiality of self and others leads to a human engineering of self, others, and emotions.[20] While the immediate effects of this can be seen in local Christian communities, how this affects the global relation amongst Christians is yet to be seen. The universal church is no longer an abstract idea forced into anonymity, but different denominations, branches, and schools of thought may be forced to view each other as concrete persons. Or, the global church will exhibit the same symptoms as the rest of the technological world.

    Componentiality also affects the way we relate to Christianity. The 2002 National Survey of Youth and Religion (NSYR) discovered that “while most U.S. teenagers feel generally positive toward religion, [it] is not a big deal to them.” “Other social and cultural forces (therapeutic individualism, mass-consumer capitalism, the digital communications revolution)” compete for and take priority even within Christian culture.[21] From an early age, the compartmentalization of Christianity versus extracurricular activities, friends, and school take place. In other words, Christianity is just another component of one’s life, rather than something that defines it entirely.

    On a related note, componentiality affects Christian teaching and learning. The NSYR found that “the single most important influence on the religious and spiritual lives of adolescents is their parents.”[22] However, how often do we find parents leaving spiritual formation and guidance to youth directors and mentors, albeit being influential? Thus, this creates a mechanistic way of looking for those with the best knowledge to guide and teach. One step further, there is a clear distinction in teaching and learning at higher-degree institutions verse the formation and teaching within a community. It seems that advanced theological learning takes place at an institution and afterwards those with specialized knowledge are plugged into different “systems,” operating as components within a larger system that can be reproduced, measured, and replaced.

    The second feature of the cognitive style in technological production is the assumption of maximalization. More simply put in contemporary language: bigger, better, faster. The way this shapes Christian thinking is more apparent than componentiality: bigger churches is synonymous with success, an overemphasis on better strategies and improving programs and methods of reaching out, and especially with the instant-gratification culture, expecting faster prayers, discipleship, and community. A unique element of this feature is multi-relationality, which poses a “constant threat in the situation of meaninglessness, disidentification, and the experiences of anomie,” which only adds fuel to what has already been discussed.[23]

    The ideology of technology further complicates this current mentality. The main aspect that is being threatened is trust. As demonstrated with medical technology, medicine is now “about disease, not the patient. And, what the patient knows is untrustworthy; what the machine knows is reliable.”[24] Jacob Bronowski challengingly asks, “how are we to choose between what we have been taught to think right and something else which manifestly succeeds?”[25] For contemporary Christians, when someone is sick, are our instincts to pray and ask God for healing or is it to turn to ‘reliable’ medicine and examinations? The danger here is that this ideology is breeding less critical, intellectual reflection on these matters. There is a belief forming in this ideology that is secretly competing within Christian thought without many being aware of its dangers. While Jesus warned his followers that no one can serve two masters contrasting that with a more tangible mammon, the ideology of technology is largely invisible to most Christian thinking.[26]

    While more can be discussed regarding the consequential effects of technological thinking upon Christians, equally important is to look ahead and be prepared. As stated earlier, it will be difficult to simply shift one’s frame of mind, however, we can be more aware and better prepared moving forward. Postman suggests a revamping of education so we can understand how technology is affecting our society and psyche, so that more informed conversations can happen surrounding it.[27] Romano Guardini also agrees for a deeper, richer education, yet goes further and suggests that an entirely new approach, thought, inwardness, and freedom is required to combat the chaos of the world.[28] The old worldviews nor a romanticism for the past will suffice, “but a living adumbration of what is coming.”[29] New technologies are being developed at incessant rates, which will continue to feed into the technological thinking and ideology. The task for the Christian is no longer to ponder about elusive concerns, but to wake up to the current condition of this world and provide direction moving forward. “When a method of doing things becomes so deeply associated with an institution that we no longer know which came first – the method or the institution – then it is difficult to change the institution or even imagine alternative methods for achieving its purposes.”[30] “Will we come to God from the depths of our being, link ourselves to him, and in his freedom and power master chaos in this coming age?”[31] Or will we continue in the patterns covertly dictated by technology?


    [1] Technology is used here and most commonly understood as modern or digital technology. While there are extensive works on how to define technology, I will be using the word in an all-encompassing manner, with a leaning towards modern technology.

    [2] Although narrow focused, I will speak about what I am most familiar with, i.e. a modern Western Christian thought and culture.

    [3] Peter Berger, Brigitte Berger, and Hansfried Kellner, The Homeless Mind: Modernization and Consciousness (New York: Vintage, 1974), 23.

    [4] Berger, 25.

    [5] Ibid., 26.

    [6] Ibid., 27, 36.

    [7] Ibid., 39.

    [8] Ibid., 40.

    [9] Neil Postman, Technopoly: The Surrender of Culture to Technology (New York: Vintage, 1993), 123.

    [10] Ibid., 93.

    [11] Ibid., 100.

    [12] Postman, 112.

    [13] 1 Cor 12:20 (ESV).

    [14] 1 Cor 12:21-22.

    [15] The idea of a false proxy was taken from, Dave DeVries “Measuring Success in Your Church,” Missional Challenge, accessed March 5, 2018. https://www.missionalchallenge.com/measuring-success-in-your-church/.

    [16] Berger, 27.

    [17] Ibid., 29.

    [18] Princeton University Faith and Work Initiative, “Sunday-Monday Gap Research Projects,” accessed March 5, 2018. https://faithandwork.princeton.edu/research/sunday-monday-gap.

    [19] Berger, 31.

    [20] Ibid., 34-35.

    [21] Kenda Creasy Dean, Almost Christian: What the Faith of Our Teenagers Is Telling the American Church (New York: Oxford University Press, 2010), 202, 205.

    [22] Ibid., 203.

    [23] Berger, 37.

    [24] Postman, 100.

    [25] John G. Burke, The New Technology and Human Values (Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Pub. Co., 1966), 33.

    [26] Mat 6:24

    [27] Postman, 198.

    [28] Romano Guardini, Letters from Lake Como: Explorations in Technology and the Human Race, trans. Geoffrey W. Bromiley (Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans, 1994), 83.

    [29] Ibid., 91.

    [30] Postman, 143.

    [31] Guardini, 95.

  • Minimalism: Key to Success of the Early Church

    There has been a recent reawakening of an interest towards minimalism. This can be seen by scouring Netflix documentaries such Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things or Small Is Beautiful: A Tiny House. Tech leader Apple, Inc. paved the way for flat design, an interface incorporating a minimalist style, which is now standard practice for websites and applications. Running has adopted this theme with new design for minimalist sneakers, spearheaded by Christopher McDougall in his 2011 book, Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen. From physical houses to digital designs, this reversion to minimalism perhaps is speaking of a greater desire, that society is searching for a purer, simpler form of its interests. The simplicity of minimalism gives way to an unadulterated version of the subject.

    When looking at modern-day churches, particularly in the Western world, perhaps the church can learn and adopt some of these practices. A brief study of the early church may help recover the identity of the modern-day church and its purpose. Minimalism may be the key next step for the church to continue its ongoing mission, to be a witness to the end of the earth.[1]

    As contextualization is key, it is important to paint a picture of the first few centuries the early church existed. Three factors influencing this period would be the socioeconomic condition, persecution, and religious syncretism. The early church was born in a time of relative peace and connectedness. The “Roman law and Hellenistic culture comprised the context in which the early church took shape.”[2] Trade routes and developed roads allowed the early Christians to travel more easily and thus could have aided in the spread of the gospel of Jesus Christ. This time of peace is quickly overridden by a series of persecutions beginning with Nero in the late first-century to the Great Persecution in the late third to early fourth-century. Martyrdom was common and exemplified by men like Ignatius of Antioch and Justin Martyr. Interestingly, martyr is the Greek word for witness and it is perhaps in this kind of spirit that these early Christians gave their lives for the testimony of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. This is, however, outside the scope of this paper. The imperial unity brought forth by the Roman Empire also came with challenges, one being syncretism (i.e. “the indiscriminate mixing of elements from various religions and emperor worship”[3]). With the conquest of different lands and the discovery of a plurality of gods, it was important to merge these religions to keep a relative peace. This came as a challenge to the message of Jesus as the one and only true God.

    With the backdrop of historical context in place, it is now easier to picture the early church’s gathering, purpose, and structure. The early church gathering mainly consisted of those who believed. Following Peter’s sermon at Pentecost and baptism, is the first example of a gathering of believers. This church primarily consisted of Jewish Christians, but soon after did Gentile Christians become the dominant demographic. The Hellenized Jews and Greeks who came to faith caused divisions in the early church, an issue Apostle Paul was forced to address in his epistles.[4] The distinction between the church and the general gathering is further enhanced by the rise of the catechumenate, where two services were issued, one of the Word and one of the table.[5] Despite the differences, the gathering of the church was meant for a body of believers and less focus was given on the church and its existence for nonbelievers. This singular focus may have simplified the decision on where to gather as well.

    The late 20th and early 21st century gave rise to a reawakening of the house-church movement. An article from Ministry Today in 2000 gives four reasons in support of this movement, reclaiming the New Testament church found in Acts.[6] “And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts.”[7] This return to the “original church” has been questioned by Edward Adams in The Earliest Christian Meeting Places: Almost Exclusively Houses?. By examining scriptural, literary, and archaeological evidences, Adams concludes that “while there is indeed good evidence for houses as Christian meeting places in the first two centuries, it is not as extensive or exclusive as usually thought.”[8] Through the methodology of availability, analogous use, adequacy, and advantage, Adams identifies other possibilities of meeting places such as the taberna, meaning shop or workshop.[9]These retail spaces were a very likely meeting place considering it was “the most ubiquitous and dominant urban architectural form”[10] and were places where “private worship and intellectual/didactic activity” were conducted.[11] The location of where the early church gathered begs modern Christians to question the rationale behind meeting at designated places of worship, requiring zoning applications, massive fundraising, and stark intrusion into communities. Whether at homes, tabernas, public spaces such as inns or catacombs, it seems less important about where the church gathered. These early Christians perhaps are the earliest examples of the spirit of entrepreneurship and innovation for the sake of the gospel.

    Regardless of location, it was more important to gather frequently. “Let your assembling together be of frequent occurrence: seek after all by name,” wrote Ignatius to his disciple Polycarp.[12] The author of Hebrews exhorts his readers as well: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some.”[13] Justin Martyr also defends the Christian faith acknowledging the gathering on Sundays in his First Apology.[14]

    Most important to the identity of the early church was the purpose of their gathering. Central to this would be a close look again at the first gathering of believers:

    And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. … And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, … praising God and having favor with all the people.[15]

    It would be foolish to cover the depths of this passage and the ensuing meaning of sacramental theology, but as minimalism requires a purity and simplification, it is evident that the believers focused on: 1) teaching, in context of the resurrection of Jesus Christ; 2) fellowship, consisting of the Eucharist, meals at homes, and prayer; 3) selling possessions and distributing to other’s needs; and 4) praising God. Justin Martyr confirms this type of gathering in the second-century, where believers gathered, the reader read from apostles’ memoirs and writings, prayer was said, bread and wine presented, and a distribution took place.[16] An important aspect of this gathering or what modern Christians may call worship, is that “in the New Testament there is no essential distinction between worship and life: man’s existence is not split into two areas, one where Christ is honoured and the other where man is more or less independent.”[17] J.G. Davies then explains why cultic acts were engaged in, particularly manifesting in baptism and the Eucharist.[18] When examining what modern churches are now responsible for, it may be worth considering what is essential to a gathering of believers, and what are “extra-ecclesial”.[19]

    As the gathering of believers continued to grow, there arose a need for structure. The second century quickly brought about a need for ordained ministry, consisting of bishops, presbyters, and deacons.[20] The early church fathers gave further insight to this new order, some holding extremely high views of the positions. Ignatius wrote in his epistle to the Smyrnaeans an order boiling down to the laity being subject to the deacons, whom to the presbyters, whom to the bishops, whom to Jesus, whom to God.[21] Ignatius also holds the view that Caesar be obedient to the bishop, as demonstrated in his Epistle to the Philadelphians.[22] Disregarding the issues concerning two- or three-tier hierarchies,[23] or what the exact meaning of building the church on Peter means,[24] there is a clear role of leadership. With the church’s gradual rise, did “the movement to transform function into office [proceed]” and gave way to a graded hierarchy.[25] Eventually, responsibilities grew outside the religious spheres to include civil matters. When studying the instructions to an elder or deacon, it is interesting to note that there is less emphasis on administrative duties, but more on character.[26] It is also revealing that in the early inception of this order, there were those “[engaged] in sedition against its presbyters” as Clement warned in his first epistle.[27]

    While this overview of the early church may be a grotesque oversimplification of the matter, there are some significant nuggets to discover. While the Greco-Roman world may seem alien to the 21st century Christian, the socioeconomic context may not be too far different. The advancement of Rome through roads and trade routes providing a greater access to their world could be seen similar to the ease of international travel today, which only took place in the past century. One step further is the advancement of the Internet in the past few decades, which continues to evolve and connect the world. In addition, although the modern world does not have an emperor issuing syncretism, its spirit still exists in the form of bumper stickers proclaiming, “COEXIST”[28] and new forms of universalism. The church now exists in this cultural, global context. And there has been a push for more church-planting efforts, as it is the “most effective evangelistic methodology known under heaven.”[29]

    Without having to reinvent any wheels and to stand upon the shoulders of the greats, perhaps an ongoing study of what churches ought to look like in the modern age is of equal importance to the actual planting itself. The brief look of the early church highlights some key points where the church was first and foremost a gathering of believers. The evangelism taking place may not have primarily happened in or at the gathering on Sundays, but perhaps in the tabernas and more common social circles the early believers engaged. Also, where they gathered is equally important as planting a church does not need to be confined to a church building, but more importantly is the frequent gathering and the purpose: to study the gospel of Jesus Christ, to have fellowship with other believers, to distribute needs, and to praise God. Lastly, as any initial gathering grows into an organization, structure is important, but perhaps more emphasis on character and heart would lead to a greater administration, rather than prioritizing the latter.[30]

    The minimalism of the early church holds much value to the ongoing discussion of what it means individually and corporately to be a witness of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. This paper focused more heavily on the model of the church, but there may be more to discover even in terms of purifying the content of the teaching, simplifying the fellowship, and even the various expressions of praise. Davies describes Christian belief in the Church as Christological and Pneumatological. He states, “Hence the ‘double polarity’ of the Church: it is the Temple of the Presence; it is the Body of Christ; it is the Bride of Christ – yet the Temple has still to be built together, the Body has still to be built up, the Bride has still become wholly one with her divine Bridegroom.”[31] Irenaeus also states, “For the Churches which have been planted in Germany do not believe or hand down anything different, nor do those in Spain, nor those in Gaul, nor those in the East, nor those in Egypt, nor those in Libya, nor those which have been established in the central regions of the world.”[32] It is in this spirit that minimalism of the church ought to be examined, that the Church in all its essences continue to be built up and that the global church, a reality now compared to Irenaeus’ imagination, believe in unity, the same faith and Lord Jesus Christ.


    [1] Acts 1:8 (ESV)

    [2] Justo L. González, The Story of Christianity Volume 1: The Early Church to the Dawn of the Reformation (Broadway: HarperCollins, 2010), 19.

    [3] González, 20.

    [4] Rom 11; 1 Cor 1:10-17; Eph 2:11-22.

    [5] González, 35.

    [6] Jeffrey Henning, “Ministry Today: Serving and empowering church leaders,” accessed November 14, 2017. https://ministrytodaymag.com/index.php/ministry-today-archives/66-unorganized/720-the-growing-house-church-movement

    [7] Acts 2:46

    [8] Edward Adams, The Earliest Christian Meeting Places: Almost Exclusively Houses? (New York: Bloomsbury, 2016), 198.

    [9] Ibid., 138.

    [10] Ibid.

    [11] Ibid., 143.

    [12] Alexander Roberts, James Donaldson, eds., and A. Cleveland Coxe, The Ante-Nicene fathers: The writings of the fathers down to A.D. 325 (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1995), 94.

    [13] Heb 10:24-25a.

    [14] Roberts, 186.

    [15] Acts 2:42, 45, 46a, 47a.

    [16] Roberts, 186.

    [17] J.G. Davies, The Early Christian Church: A History of Its First Five Centuries (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1980), 57.

    [18] Ibid., 58.

    [19] A pun on extracurricular, meaning activities outside what ought to be essential to the church

    [20] Davies, 46.

    [21] Roberts, 90.

    [22] Ibid., 82.

    [23] David W. Bercot, ed., A Dictionary of Early Christian Beliefs: A Reference Guide to More Than 700 Topics Discussed by the Early Church Fathers (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1998), 155-157.

    [24] Mat 16:18.

    [25] Davies, 187.

    [26] 1 Tim 3:1-13.

    [27] Roberts, 18.

    [28] COEXIST is an image originally created by Piotr Mlodozeniec, made up of symbols of Judaism, Christianity and Islam

    [29] Peter Wagner, Strategies for Growth (Glendale: Regal, 1987), 168.

    [30] More exploration on the “free church” can be explored here: Everett Ferguson, The Early Church and Today Volume 1: Ministry, Initiation, and Worship (Abilene: Abilene Christian University Press, 2012), 15-32.

    [31] Davies, 54-55.

    [32] Roberts, 331.

  • Personal Beliefs To Date

    Below is part of a summer internship application I submitted to get involved with a church I am now attending. I thought it would be cool to document my thoughts on these topics, highlighting what I’ve learned and acquired thus far, before starting school in the Fall, which would probably expand some of these thoughts and beliefs:

    = = =

    Gospel: The gospel is good news. The good news that Jesus Christ was sent to this fallen world, to love and die for sinners, not for the works or merits they have done or accomplished, but out of God’s amazing grace, to restore a rightful relationship that existed.

    Jesus: Jesus is the son of Joseph and Mary. Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus is a man who walked this earth over 2000 years ago, who spoke many parables, who demonstrated many miracles, and yet took time to pray to his heavenly Father. Jesus is the living God, who died and resurrected from the dead, proclaiming to the world that he is the savior of the world.

    Jesus is someone who I was told about since my youth, but I have not done my part to build this relationship. Only until recently, have I been rediscovering Jesus knocking at the door of my recalcitrant heart, and not just allowing him into my life, but desiring to deepen this new love.

    Sin: Sin was taught to me to be an immoral act, a socially unaccepted behavior, action, or habit. However, this was inconsistent as I continued to mature and experience different cultures, as there were external influences to what is socially unaccepted or immoral or even now unmoral.

    Sin was also taught to me as the act that separated man from God. Particularly that sin entered this world when Adam and Eve disobeyed God. This idea of headship and federalism is harder to understand and contextualize as a product of the individualistic culture I was raised in.

    As my relationship with God continues to grow and deepen, my understanding of sin continues to evolve (sometimes scarily), as God reveals to me beyond superficial behaviors and actions, deeper thoughts and heart postures, both personally and communally.

    Bible: The Bible was one of the hardest things to grasp as something spiritual. It was hard for me to accept the fact that the Bible was formed by a group of men, who decided the canonicity of the collection of books chosen. It was also hard for me to grasp the fact that it is deemed the infallible, inerrant, and inspired word of God. The Bible then has to be the authoritative Word of God.

    It wasn’t until an epiphany I had that my perspective began to change—let’s say there is concrete evidence of the infallibility, inerrancy, and inspiration of the chosen books of the Bible, would I still consider it authoritative over my life? There was a moment where my posture had to change towards the 66 books of the Bible, to not treat it any less significant than God and things that seemed more “spiritual” and intangible. I now read it with faith as my daily bread, with faith that God continues to speak into my life through the Word.

    Baptism: I’ve had the privilege of witnessing two very different baptisms in the past few months. One was in Japan, where it takes an estimated seven years for someone to be baptized. This individual had been attending a church for four years or so, and she finally committed her life to following Jesus Christ, and thus wanted to be baptized. There was only one baptism that day with a little sprinkling of water over the believer’s head.

    I also had the great opportunity to celebrate [ocean baptisms with a different church]. It was amazing to hear and see the many different testimonies all the individual’s shared. Each wanted to make the declaration to give their lives and follow Jesus Christ. It was quite a public spectacle with many onlookers.

    I, at a young age, was also dunked in water with the church I attended. I’m not sure how that signifies my baptism. Although my understanding of baptism is that it is one of two significant sacraments of the Christian faith, I’m not sure how much of it plays a significance in an individual’s life thereafter. Something I’m still learning.

    Christian: Christ-follower. Someone the world will persecute. Someone who is justified and sanctified. Hypocrite. Jesus-freak. Religious. Sunday church goer. Bigot. Marauder. Someone too holy, or not holy enough. Nice and moral person.

    I’m not sure what a Christian is. Sometimes I don’t like to label myself as a Christian, as I probably fit or have fit all of those terms above.

    My hope is that at the end of my days, God will know who I am. And God will determine if I have followed.

  • What Are We Celebrating?

    Three years into marriage and I can confidently say that I love my wife more than the day I met her, more than the day we celebrated the promise we made to one another before God and before others.

    However, our third year anniversary came at an odd time. It came during a season when others were struggling with their marriages, some to the point of divorce, others amid trials of adultery. Even writing the word now seems odd, and reflecting back on what seems like ages ago, the whole time period feels surreal.

    It was only a little over one year ago I wrote the piece, Confession: I should be on the Ashley Madison list. What was then a distant epiphany, a notional experience on adultery and its effect, I now am a primary witness of living out the harsh realities of hurting and broken marriages.

    The onslaught of emotions through this period was similar to the drowning wave felt when my wife and I experienced our miscarriage. Many tears were shed, there was heartache, confusion, anger, sorrow, yet there were also glimpses of hope. There were fleeting moments of confidence, relief, strength, courage, and oddly even peace.

    What is mind blowing is common reactions toward these offenses would be to immediately separate the victim from the offender (i.e. the one who is cheating on the other would clearly be at fault). Immediate reactions would be, “How could he or she do that to the other person?”

    Yet, what was so strange was this distinction between my immediate response—which was to crucify the one cheating—versus a deeper, inner voice recognizing the fact that there is more than one offender in this equation.

    It is moments like this that amazes me, that sheds light onto the reality of God, because only through the message of God’s amazing love, the forgiveness I receive despite my adulterous heart towards God, the patience and mercy of God, that I am even able to have this dichotomous reaction towards something like adultery. I also have been able to recognize God’s extreme anger and wrath towards transgressions such as this.

    Either that, or I am a fool beyond belief…

    I am at Fault

    One realization I had through this trial was, I am also at fault.

    Our culture loves to celebrate. We find reasons to celebrate even when there is no significant meaning. We love to gather together to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, even though we don’t know the history behind it nor have any Irish heritage. We love cheering drinks to Cinco de Mayo despite not having a single clue as to why the day exists. We celebrate new jobs, homes, promotions, and of course, relationships.

    It is a fact the tristate area has its own standard of celebration, particularly concerning weddings. Recent study shows dramatic increases in spend, focus on guest experiences, and overall a much greater emphasis on this one particular day. Even in my own circle and personal experience with planning our wedding further supports this fact.

    Everyone loves to celebrate this day, and rightly so for it is a momentous occasion. But I wonder, how many of the average 139 guests attending someone’s wedding, so eager to dance and party and hit up the open bar, so eager to take pictures of the beautiful bride in her elegant wedding dress, are also eager to be there for the couples when someone is deathly sick, when there are intense, hurtful fights, when their marriage is suffering, perhaps to the point of divorce?

    I am at fault because I don’t know how to respond to some of these trials. I am at fault because I’m willing to be the life of the party, yet I’ll shy away when I hear the whispers of brewing troubles between couples. I am at fault for some of my friends because I did not speak up sooner when I knew there were things to address.

    Yet—either out of fear for over stepping boundaries, or because I am, like the rest of this millennial generation, a coward to really get involved in other peoples’ lives—I did not speak up.

    My Hope

    So, what are we really celebrating? With ‘wedding season’ approaching, I am much more hesitant to treat the day so lightly. A part of me rather not go to some of these celebrations, because I rather not be held accountable for the weight of each of these new relationships and promises. I rather have a couple be upset at me for not attending their celebration, than making the promise to be with that couple through all the ups and downs of marriage and life.

    I can hear some people respond to this by saying, “Why do I put so much weight on myself? Why do I have this particular view of marriage and the wedding?” If that is the case, and weddings are just celebrations and marriages something just between two people, then I can see why people rather skip out on the ceremonies and go straight to the reception.

    Perhaps we are celebrating for the sake of celebrating, without knowing the deeper meaning behind the occasion, without much thought of what we are witnessing, what we are promising.

    My hope, my honest desire, is for the redemption of marriage. That the celebration of the wedding day, would be worthy of the ongoing celebrations to come, as well as the trials and sufferings, too. My hope is that couples would have the proper understanding of marriage, and that more marriages would shine the beautiful light of what it can and ought to be.

    Three years into marriage, most people would say it is past the honeymoon phase. I can truly say that I love my wife even more than our honeymoon phase, and I hope to keep doing so.

    Happy Anniversary my beloved wife…

  • Hungry

    Last summer, I had a rude awakening to not only how much weight I had gained, but how much bigger my fat cells grew, particularly around the waist and thighs. While on a family trip, all the shorts I previously owned did not fit and more alarmingly, I bought new shorts which were too tight but comfortably fit my father-in-law, who visually appeared to be rounder than me. I knew something had to change.

    Having done multiple workout regimens from endurance running, Insanity®, P90X®, HIIT, I knew I was able to do these workouts, yet as soon as “life got busy,” I quickly found myself gaining all the weight back that I had lost for the few weeks or months I was disciplined in keeping to those regimens. Not to blame marriage, but after getting married, it was definitely harder to keep to strict workout regimens, so I was on a search for a sustainable method to keep healthy. After two and a half years, I finally found the only thing that works is—portion control.

    Portion Control

    By changing dietary habits and being strict to how much I ate in a given meal, I found that not only did I quickly drop to a healthy weight, but have been able to maintain that weight over a few months. During this process, I would receive a lot of remarks concerning how little I was eating and that my meal was not enough food. When looking at the amount of food relative to how much I was previously eating, it certainly would seem that eating an apple and drinking a cup of tea for breakfast is certainly a lot less food than a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich on a whole wheat bagel.

    After a couple of months of portion controlling, I found that my body was able to sustain on much less amounts of food, and while being slightly hungry, I was not weakened by this state, but rather more alert, energetic, and perhaps both literally and figuratively, lighter.

    Though it seems paradoxical, I realized how freeing it is to control what and how much I eat, leading to much greater benefits in my life. It is a stark contrast to being in a constant state of food coma, resulting from eating too much quantity of poor quality food. Though at the moment, eating General Tso chicken with pork fried rice combo is super convenient and delicious, or housing down mouthwatering, buffalo chicken wings with super thick and creamy, lobster macaroni and cheese is certainly enjoyable, I’ve rarely felt a lasting satisfaction or joy after those meals. Rather, I would feel uncomfortably full and know something was awry in my digestive tract. And the challenge with eating whatever we want, whenever we want, is that eating foods high in salt, processed carbs, and whatever other ingredient most people can’t pronounce, is that it is difficult to control that lifestyle of eating. While it may seem freeing at the moment to eat whatever and whenever, the lasting consequences are so limiting on our physical health as well as our mental and emotional well-being.

    Life Coma

    This recent change in eating habit led me to see a similarity between food comas and “life comas”. Living in the tristate area of the US, I’m surrounded by much affluence, status, intellect, and what seems like full lives. However, when I observe individuals living their lives, when carefully listening to conversations about jobs, relationships, or family, I find that most of us in this area are unsatisfied, despite having access to so much.

    We have the ability to feast our lives with much to do, whether it be focusing on our careers, going to watch Broadway shows, searching for the new food craze, purchasing the next hypebeast sneaker, drinking the best craft beer, planning a vacation to the tropical islands, whatever it is, we have the resources and ability to do whatever we want. Yet, I find that many, including myself, to be bored easily, unsatisfied, feeling uncomfortably full just like when we eat too much and are in a food coma. I wonder, how many of us have life coma because we are filling our lives with such a great quantity of poor quality things and things to do.

    Though there are a lot of criticisms, reassessments, and ongoing studies about the correlation between happiness and money, both on individual and national levels, one thing for sure is that there is a plethora of data, articles, and opinions on this topic. There have been arguments and discussions regarding the Easterlin paradox, or the hedonic treadmill and adaptation. Recent documentaries such as Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things, Happy, or Living on One Dollar, have been creating a buzz around this topic. Without being an economist or psychologist, trying to discuss the differences between absolute and relative income and the effects or correlation to happiness, or different theories on the subjective perception on happiness and money, one thing I know for sure is that there is a consistent theme that there is something to discover about wealth, money, and its pursuit versus happiness, satisfaction, and the fulfillment of our lives.

    On a personal level, I can attest to the fact that there is indeed a “happiness benchmark” when it comes to household income. As both my wife and I have degrees that offer well paying jobs and possibilities of careers, we quickly found that for the sake of our early marriage, it was not worth making a dual income, approaching nearly $200,000, at the expense of the time we have had with one another. I can also attest to the fact that living in North Jersey, cost of living is extremely high and not making enough money to cover the necessities, such as housing, basic transportation, food, and a little bit of entertainment can also be a major point of stress and dissatisfaction. We’ve finally found the sweet spot with her working full-time at a place where she enjoys the work and the people, and for me to work part-time to have a little bit of extra income and a lot more time with my wife. After experimenting with different scenarios and adjusting our lifestyles to fit what we made, rather than fitting our paychecks to a certain perception of a lifestyle we may have believed we needed, three years into our marriage and we can both truly attest to the belief that more is not always better, or that not having enough can be a struggle.

    I’m finding that even as I take a look at the current possessions we own, how much of it do we truly need? Where is the line between our wants and our needs? I’ve personally found that stripping away certain things in my life such as social media, clothes, or a false sense of the need to be the primary provider for my household, or the desire to constantly please others at the expense of my own health, has brought me to a point of much greater freedom in my life. Yet, as I take further inventory, I’m wondering how much more unnecessary things or false sense of responsibilities I have that keep me in a constant state of life coma.

    Just like learning how to portion control what we eat and seeing the numerous benefits, I’m seeing a possible correlation with what we consume in our lives and its effects. Perhaps there is something to discover, similar to knowing what foods are healthier and when and how to stop overeating, that there is a sweet spot in life with what we consume and not to overfill with unhealthy, unnecessary things or responsibilities.

    As I reap the benefits of being hungry physically, I’m beginning to realize how much better could it be to have a hungry life, rather than what seems like a full life. And the irony is that how much more fulfilling it is to be hungry, rather than always being full.

  • Ashamed of My Father

    Looking back at my teenage years, it was such a simple time, yet I also cringe because of how narrow-minded my perspective was on life. Whether it be relationships, future, school, pleasures or struggles, it really is funny how much unnecessary weight we put on these things. It is funny how wise and grown up we think we are at that age.

    And what’s most cringe-worthy is the view many teenagers hold of their parents, especially me. I remember how embarrassed I was of my parents, the way they talked, dressed, and acted. I was envious of my non-Asian friends’ parents who were “hip and cool,” who seemed like they understood the culture, who bought their kids the nice clothes and neat gadgets. I was embarrassed of friends coming over because of what they might think of the smell of the house, while I had no problem when no one was around. I hated shopping because my mother would immediately go to the sale section. I would get self-conscious in public when speaking my parents’ native tongue, responding to them in English, even though when alone with them I would do otherwise.

    The stories are endless and it amazes me how they not only put up with me, but more so continue to pour out love to me to this day. I remember a time period in my life when I thought I was an adult, and that I no longer needed my parents. The hardened heart, the arrogance, the pride, it was so foolish! And even through that, my parents would still want to have a meal with me, would support me in my endeavors, would be there for me when deathly sick, when in need and in struggle.

    Finally when I was able to see through the muddled views and assumptions of my parents, when an ounce of maturity blossomed, I realized how amazing my parents truly are. The risk and sacrifice they made when moving to a foreign country, with no more than a few dollars in their pockets, without knowing a single word of English, with hopes to have better lives for themselves and their future children is something unfathomable to the wealthy children of middle class America. I have so much respect for them now as I discovered their unending pursuit in businesses, failing again and again, yet it really speaks of their entrepreneurial spirit, something the technological age is tapping into now. The amount of appreciation and gratitude was nonexistent when I was a child, because I was so self-focused, because I didn’t know who my parents were, because I so foolishly couldn’t see past the accent they had when speaking.

    Now, I love who they are and I am not ashamed of them. I can comfortably speak in their native tongue in public, I love the thick stench and smell of garlic and red pepper paste when walking into their home, I love buying clothes on sale and save a ton of money on something so fleeting, I love the different perspective they gave me for being bicultural, I love that they didn’t excessively spoil me and disciplined me when necessary, I love and am so proud of where they are in life and how much they accomplished. I could not have asked for better parents, despite the struggles growing up, despite the hiccups we have here and there presently, at the end of the day, there is nothing but gratitude, respect, admiration, and most importantly love.

    Yet, there is something lurking in my heart, something tugging at my consciousness, something that does not sit well.

    There is someone whom I view with a lens similar to the perspective I had of my parents when I was a child, when I was immature, when I didn’t really know who they were in entirety—My Father.

    My Father who when we’re alone at home, I am so content with, so secure, so joyful, basking in His entire fragrance, yet when someone comes near, I get a little self-conscious of what they might think of the aroma. I get self-conscious when speaking to Him in public, yet I have no problem when it is just us. I sometimes get embarrassed of the different culture, I get self-aware when certain behaviors don’t match what the majority of people do. I hesitate to speak highly of My Father, I question the decisions and “parenting” style, thinking that I am a grown adult and that I know what’s best.

    I am still such a child, an arrogant teenager, a prideful, foolish young adult when it comes to knowing my Father in Heaven. Even as I write, it is a private matter between me and God. In my heart, I am aware of how good my Father in Heaven is, how God has demonstrated the characteristics and attributes of my parents even more so than they have. I know how God has not only put up with me, but pours out a love that is greater than that of my earthly parents. I know God doesn’t stop wanting to meet with me, have a meal with me, despite how many times I’ve turned away, how many times I’ve tried to hide God when in front of others. I know how many times God has been there for me when deathly sick, in my darkest days, when in times of greatest need. I know like a child, how much God loves me, yet I am ashamed. I am ashamed of my Father. I am ashamed of the gospel. I am afraid to shine the light. I am afraid of what others might think if I speak too boldly of my Father in Heaven. I am afraid of the weird looks I’ll get when others smell the different aroma, when others come across this different culture, despite knowing how much better it is to be not just bicultural, but knowing an entirely different realm of spiritual culture. It is foolishness, yet I still cower. It is not childlike, but just childish.

    As my heart breaks, I hope that even through this process, it is the similar ounce of maturity I experienced when realizing the amazingness of my earthly parents. I hope to rid myself of all childish notions and assumptions of my Father in Heaven. I hope I can understand in entirety the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for me, a sacrifice so much greater than my parents moving to this country. I hope that one day, I will be able to proclaim and testify,

    “… I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes…”

  • The Fragility (and Hope) of Life

    Where to even begin…

    I remember, what seems to be a distant past now, my wife and I talking about having a child. Young and naïve, yet we both “knew” that our time had come to start trying. After weighing out multiple factors, we both agreed that it would be best. More often than not, we heard how difficult it is to get pregnant and that it takes multiple attempts. Some, unfortunately, are unable to even have children. Yet for us, all it took was one try and two weeks later, we were both hovering over three pregnancy tests, just to make sure we were 100% certain.

    And what an onslaught of emotions and thoughts the news brought to us and all the close people around us. For many, it was joyous news. For others, a surprised yet distant congratulatory gesture. As for myself, despite agreeing with my wife to have a child, there was a mixture of emotions. Perhaps it was the brevity between discussing and conception? Perhaps it was a revelation into my heart’s honest desires? Over time, the confusion settled into acceptance and anticipation for an uprooting of what I currently knew as life. Although I was more distant from the child, other fathers assured me that it is “normal” for guys to be more distant than the mothers carrying this new and fragile life.

    Fragility

    I recently realized that I previously viewed life as a mere biological process. There is indeed a deeper intimacy when making love, but the process of creating life to me was male sperm, female egg, fusing together to make an embryo, housed in a mother’s womb, nurtured until the time of birth. Little did I know how fragile this life can be: the heartbeat seen at only seven weeks, a loud, rapid, thump heard and seen in the ultrasound; the development from an acorn into an avocado size fetus, with visible head, arms and legs, moving and pumping. These moments of seeing the actual baby was when my heart and mind jumped within, in amazement at how this life could be living, forming, and growing in my wife’s little tummy.

    Sixteen weeks in, we were hoping to find out the gender. However, the baby was an active one, squirming around, not giving us a chance to see clear results. Thus, we were informed we would have to wait until 20 weeks, knowing that the progress of growth was completely normal and on track. And then on July 25th, 2016, news more shocking than the first time my wife told me she was pregnant was shared with us.

    I’m sorry to tell you this, but your baby did not make it.”

    Confusion. Shock. Sadness. Relief? Concern. Worry.

    The emotions and thoughts at that moment are… Unspeakable. It is one thing if there were complications ahead of time. It is one thing if it was in the first trimester when the probability is higher. It is one thing if you don’t post on Instagram a food belly sharing all the hope and anticipation of starting a family, only a couple weeks before finding out. Unspeakable.

    Yet over the coming weeks, we had to speak. We had to speak with family, who had a mixture of responses. Some were supportive, some were difficult. We had to speak with doctors and administrative assistants to figure out how to handle this fetal demise (FD), a term we became very acquainted with. We had to speak with each other, making sure we were doing alright, making sure, without really knowing, that everything will be alright.

    The next week after would have to be one of the most difficult times of my life. Not only did I have to bear the news of losing a child, but I had to see my precious wife go under, what should have been a simple one-day procedure, an intense recovery in the ICU. I had to manage family communications and temperature during this process. I had to make sure that my wife would believe that everything was okay, while masking the knowledge of reading clinical studies on the mortality rate of disseminated intravascular coagulopathy (DIC) for second trimester FD. What seemed like ages, was a mere handful of days. And the next couple weeks, managing the supportive community we had, managing the responses, all seemed like one big mind ****.

    The Real Fear…

    It was only a couple weeks ago, that all the thoughts and emotions, compartmentalized, repressed, began clearing air. And the deepest pain and fear that I faced finally surfaced. Yes, I did lose an unborn child, something I wish nobody would have to experience. However, I also faced watching the slightest possibility of losing the person closest to me, my wife. We were too young to be in an ICU, too young to be hooked up onto IV lines and receiving blood transfusions. It was too early in our marriage to be in this situation.

    This is a pain that I have never experienced before. And that goes after holding my father in my arms as he had a myocardial infarction, riding in an ambulance, seeing him intubated also in the ICU. It goes after rushing to the emergency department with my mother for her to receive a cervical neck surgery because there was a high probability for her to be paralyzed the neck down. It goes after any other broken relationship; it goes after all the let downs in life. It goes after nearly losing my own life.

    … And the Real Love

    When we talk about love, it is mostly in contexts of positive emotions, passion, warmth. Love is movie scenes and media we’ve drowned our subconscious minds in. However, I tasted a kind of love that I couldn’t even imagine. It is the love in the form of pain. It is love in the form of fear. Never have I loved someone so much, to feel a fraction of these kinds of emotions and thoughts. The fact that someone you love can be lost, when made a reality and forced into your hands, is something unparalleled.

    And that brings me somewhat full circle. It is not a great answer, and the recent events of my life will continue to remain a mystery to some degree. But the revelations, are undeniable.

    Life. Life is not something we own. Life is not something we can manufacture or control. Life is not simple. What I once believed was just biological, I now see how much of it is spiritual. I see how much of a correlation there is between the God I believe in being the Creator of life, and how much this living God is a part of each life. From the unborn and born child, to the healthy and near-death wife. It was hard to believe when I read in the Bible that God would open and close the wombs of individual women and even more so entire nations. Yet, this is still true to this day. There are countless women even in my own circle who must face this loss, who must face “miscarriages”. And the fact that it is even labeled a miscarriage shows our view on this loss of life. And it is more painful for our generation because we believe that we create life. We believe that it is in our control. We believe that living a long and healthy life in this affluent country is our will and our choice. Yet, all it takes is one hiccup, where what seemed like such a pleasant story, comes crashing down. God is the giver of life. To begin to even fathom how can God, one being, be the Creator of seven billion people just in this moment of history, not including the billions that came before, is unfathomable. Yet, it does not deny. It is not something to take for granted.

    Love. This epiphany only came while writing this piece—that the kind of love in pain is so expressly seen in the love of God and Christ. This love will always be a mystery, yet it is exciting as pieces of it are discovered. To know the love of God through pain, though I only tasted the possibility of the loss, I can’t imagine that pain if, God forbid, it would ever come to fruition. And what that pain would be is an indescribable fraction of the pain and loss that God and Christ had to endure. And this loss, we confess for the love of others, for the love of the body of Christ. I can’t daresay that I would ever sacrifice my wife’s life for the sake of someone else. That love, is unimaginable. That love is God. And to begin to think that I somewhat understand or comprehend this love? To begin to act that I know this love? There is no way in my human mind and experience, I can even taste a bit of that.

    Peace. There’s another biblical passage that speaks about peace, and it is the peace of God that transcends understanding. I’ve definitely tasted morsels of this peace in the past. Yet, this most recent trial gave me something really to chew on. This peace really confused me, which made the transcendental understanding even more real. Normally, I would have wanted to retaliate, curse God, deny and doubt God’s existence and goodness. I would have wanted to numb my thoughts and emotions by drowning myself in drunkenness. Yet, despite these desires being there, I knew that I didn’t want to resort to these reactions. In the back of my mind, I thought, “What’s the point?” When I know I’ll most likely return to the same place I started off at. And through it all, despite the minimal out lash, the numbing of my mind with movies and games, I knew there was a deeper peace even I was uncertain of. This made me realize that knowing God, yes it strips away some of the worldly pleasures and fun, but knowing God also strips away some of the deepest pains and hurts that most people would not be able to bear.

    Where to end…

    It has only been a few weeks, and my wife and I are certainly in a much better place. We are sure and have been warned that some of the biggest pain comes when everyone else around us seems to have returned to “normal” life, while there may be some lingering pains. However, we both have this peace that transcends understanding, I have my wife whom I love immensely, and we both have our lives right now.

    We are not sure what other trials will come our way. But one thing is for sure, is that I know how fleeting this life is. I know how short amount of time we both have. I know this life is not mine and that at any moment, it can be gone. With that, I want to live with even greater love. I want to live with even greater peace. I want to live the best life that I can, knowing it is nothing but a breath in the wind.

    There is hope. There is a lot of hope. There is hope because God is real. Without God, all of this would end as just an experience. Something to “make me stronger”. My unborn child will just be an unborn child and nothing more. My pains, the peace, and love, would be nothing more than hormonal and chemical reactions. Perhaps just coping mechanisms. My life, would be nothing more than an accident. But I believe in a living God. I believe that there is hope. There is a greater love. There is a greater end.