Author: Enjoy the Process

  • Disrupting Christianity

    It almost feels heretical to write something along this line of thought. How can we disrupt Christianity? How can we innovate something that is sacred, holy, and religious? I ask myself, “Why not?”

    This thought of disrupting Christianity became a new theme recently as I was praying. When the words slipped from my mouth, I was at first shocked and surprised. But after praying over this more, it became apparent that this concept has been brewing for quite some time.

    Early Faith

    The early beginning of my faith, what I once thought was unique and special to me, I now realize is a common story for many—grow up in the church, have a falling away, then begin the search to come back. However, being the extreme person that I am, I can say that I’ve experienced the polar opposites of this story—i.e., deeply involved in religious activities as a young leader to becoming a self-proclaimed atheist.

    And the comeback story, which I believe is still writing itself out, has been quite a journey as well. Initially, the story started out as a simple search for meaning. Meaning encompassed many different areas of life such as developing professional career, relationships with family and close friends, social outreach, and religion. Although I had the Christian background and upbringing, I knew it was empty and dry, thus I reasoned to search the Bible with the desire to discover for myself what meaning of life could be hidden in this book, which at that time was nothing more than a book. And as time passed, every other facet of life faded away and the only thing that remained was reading the Bible.

    That’s when the pursuit after a “real faith” began to take shape, and I forced myself to unlearn everything that was taught to me, and began to learn like a new born what, or rather who, God is. I had to deconstruct every aspect of faith and religion, going as far back as, “Is there even a god?” And as the faith and relationship continued to grow, I began asking, “Is Jesus Christ real? Do I truly believe that his death and resurrection is real? What does that relationship even look like?”

    Career Development

    During this ongoing search and pursuit, my seemingly non-spiritual compartment of life developed from working for a medical communication company to a tech startup in the music and events industry. What could have easily been contributed to exploring my career, I now see how every stage was preparing me for this new chapter of life. At my time in the corporate institution, I had to jump through hurdles in questioning why certain processes were done, as antiquated as they seemed. There was a natural push to innovate and change, to stay ahead of the curve, to be relevant and profitable in our industry. And at the tech startup, I learned what innovation looked like on a mass scale, through the company I was assisting to build as well as being exposed to the vast networks of entrepreneurship. And that’s where there was this common theme of disrupting what we know, changing the way we work, to either improve and build upon existing structures or tear it all down and build something new. We now see the effect of this disruption and innovation in almost every vertical—retail, housing, entertainment, transportation, even the rigid medical field.

    God’s Artistry

    What I first thought as leaving behind one phase of my life, I now see God’s artistry in weaving these two seemingly different paths—the explorative, questioning, innovating mind with the sacred, holy, introspective aspect of faith. It is clearer than ever that I can’t leave this “phase” behind because that’s who I am: I explore. I question. I challenge. I ask why.

    In the recent past, it has been difficult to ask questions. Though people struggle with faith and their Christianity, it’s still a nicely packaged struggle. Perhaps this is just in my own circle of influence. But nonetheless, Christianity as I know uses a very similar language and jargon to talk about faith. The struggles almost seem rehearsed. It was almost heretical to ask, “Is Jesus’ resurrection real and if so, how does that affect me?” An impossible act in our human reality, yet something Christians just so easily accept and grasp. Or these days, there’s an abundance of talking about reformed theology and seems like it is a growing elite, the Harvard way of thinking about Christianity, because other schools of thought are just not “right”. But what exactly is this reformed thinking? Is it something that I truly believe, or am I just mirroring and parroting what other spiritual leaders do and say?

    I wonder what kind of struggles John Calvin and Martin Luther went through when they challenged the traditional way of thinking in the 16th century, what kind of praises or criticism they faced. And now seeing years later how much the leaders of that time have positively impacted the understanding of Christianity today, I wonder, with a healthy fear, what new ways of approaching and seeing this gospel, can help me and possibly help others grow? How can we begin to talk about Christianity in new ways, new perspectives, global contexts, relevant to the ever so changing cultures of our time now?

    To think that I can be the next John Calvin would be far-fetched, nor am I desiring to pursue this path just to create another branch off the course in the evolution of Christianity. However, if I can be a small part of God’s story to help further advance the kingdom in fresh, new ways, that’s something worth pursuing. That’s something that I want formal training in, to be able to approach the Bible, now developing as the Word of God, to really be able to glean wisdom in new and deeper ways. I want to be a part of and work together with global leaders, whether in harmony or in struggle, pushing the boundaries of disrupting what seems like antiquated ways of ministry and approaches to faith.

    I hope this time at Regent will help foster me grow to be a deeper man of faith, to have a greater intimacy with Jesus Christ, and a greater fear of the Lord. I’m excited for this next chapter in my journey, I’m excited how my love relationship with God will continue to unfold the story of my life. I’m excited how I can disrupt Christianity.

  • A Medical Review of the Stagnant Life

    It has already been a couple of years since the inception of Enjoy the Process, and since its beginning, I’ve experienced so much in the short amount of time—new avenues of work and passions, new relationships, and new depths of faith.

    The journey has been amazing and there is not a moment that I regret. There were many gems hidden along the path and of course many hardships as well, but it is the sum of both these polar experiences that does not negate one another, but rather together is the greater product of the entire journey.

    And while traversing this path, most of the time the process has been a slow and steady growth, pursuing forward. Sometimes it was hectic and fast paced and you can only reflect after the fact. However, the common theme regardless of pace, is that there is an intentionality in moving forward, pursuing on, even in the times of “being still,” it is an active process of waiting and reflecting, rather than becoming stagnant.

    STAGNANCY

    The World Health Organization warns that stagnant or slow-flowing waters are prime breeding grounds for many insects, mainly mosquitos, which can transmit different diseases like dengue and malaria. It is evident in nature, that the most critical life-giving element of water, when stagnant can become a breeding ground for horrible life-sucking diseases. As nature is one of the best teachers, I definitely saw the parallels of the side effect of stagnant water and the stagnant life.

    Causes
    A stagnant life is hard to diagnosis, for it can seem like a forward-moving one. A stagnant life births when we lose the drive of living intentionally, when the life-giving flow ceases to exist. It can disguise itself as slow-flowing, which is subtly different than the active periods of waiting in life. Factors such as comforts, distractions, or illusions can cause this stagnancy.

    Comfort is commonly sought out by individuals, coming second after physiological needs in Maslow’s hierarchy. While there is some value of tending to our extrinsic needs, there is more than ample evidence that intrinsic values provide more happiness to most individuals. It is easy for many of us to get caught up with tending to our comforts, despite having so much of it already. There is a delusion that we do not have enough and eventually, it seems as if we are moving forward adding to our comforts, but rather it simply becomes a trap to stagnancy.

    Distractions are ubiquitous, especially with the onslaught of social media, on-demand entertainment, and more and more instant gratifications. Some of these distractions are harmless in and of themselves, sometimes providing good benefits, however the gluttonous indulgence of any and all forms of distractions is what prevents many from living the most fulfilling lives. Sadly, it takes something drastic to wake us up from the drowning effects of distractions and often times we lose so much of our most precious commodity, time.

    An individual may seem like he or she is living a productive life, waking up in time for work, completing projects and meeting deadlines, going out afterwards to meet with friends to grab a drink, and occasionally traveling somewhere they haven’t been. It’s the “normal” routine that a good number of hard-working, high-achieving individuals pursue, and for many it ultimately provides the deepest meaning to life. Unfortunately, as studies and personal stories can attest to, it is evident that this attitude and approach to work is not fulfilling many millennials, and it is solely an illusion to our identity and our lives.

    Effects
    The stagnant life may seem okay on the surface, but in reality it is slowly breeding tiny “insects”, which can transmit fatal diseases to multiple areas of our lives such as our work, our bodies, and most importantly, our relationships.

    Individuals are caught up in the illusion of finding meaning in their careers or making money and will jump on the hamster wheel running ferociously but getting no where. It is easy to become mindless drones, working endlessly with the hopes of getting somewhere, but without an intentional approach to the work that we do, that’s when our work and careers quickly become jobs that we hate, and ever so quickly do we turn to look for another ladder to climb or hamster wheel to run on.

    Physical stagnancy has become an epidemic, literally. Western nations have now put a medical term to this—obesity. While there are few individuals who have genetic mutations causing obesity and require medical treatment, the vast majority have simply become physically stagnant. Again, there is a delusion that the movement in our everyday lives is enough to offset the detrimental effects of being sedentary and eating an overabundance of unhealthy, processed foods; however, our society is now seeing the consequences of this stagnancy. And the simple truth is that it does not take running marathons or $100+ gym memberships, but rather being consistent in some type of physical activity and being mindful of what we feed our bodies.

    The stagnant life is most detrimental to our relationships. It is evident in families, friendships, marriages, and relationship with God. At least in my personal experience and network of acquaintances, there are so many broken families. Whether clearly evident through divorces and single parent homes, to more inconspicuous hurts harbored though silent dinners and cold bedrooms, there is no shortage of broken and hurt families. And as young individuals turn their attention and time to friends, the usual meet ups and repetitive hangouts can quickly stagnate to nothing more than spending time to get our minds off of different stresses. Stagnate marriages are most scary as on the exterior they look as if the relationship is progressing, as the busyness of simply doing life together replaces the intentionality of being more intimate with one another, loving more deeply and richly. The stagnate relationship may go on for years until it is too late to realize that a hidden disease has been transmitted to the core, resulting in hardness of hearts, insecurity, lack of fulfillment, leading to the ultimate death of the once vibrant and glowing relationship that started in a ceremonious celebration. The same goes for our relationship with God or our faith. It is easy to get caught up in religious activities, thinking that by participating or placing ourselves in religious environments will spur our love for a living God. Similar to a marriage, simply living together in the same house is not the same as facing one another, gazing into each other’s eyes, appreciating everything about the beloved, the good, the bad, and the mystery.

    TREATMENT

    Like any good treatment, the preventative approach is best. It’s important to quickly identify what causes the stagnancy in our lives, such as comforts, distractions, and/or illusions. Taking intentional approaches to battle the causes, such as not getting lazy in comforts, limiting distractions, and actively being introspective, questioning the why of life in order to not get caught in an illusion, will help prevent stagnancies to occur in the first place.

    Perhaps the subtle effects of stagnancy has already crept into different areas of life—the very reason why I am writing this piece. It is not enough to simply recognize and acknowledge that these harms exist, but rather, it is critical to stir up and unplug the clogs that slowly built up over time leading to the stagnancy. It is important to take a step off of the hamster wheel and reflect on where it is I am headed; to get off of my lazy ass and do something, and demonstrate some self-control on how much I gorge myself; and lastly, to be the first one to make the change in the relationship, no matter how difficult or awkward it may be, knowing that if nothing changes, the stagnancy will lead to a life-ending disease.

    Although all these approaches are easier said than done, knowing that the rewards are endless can give some hope and power to pushing on—healthier bodies, a more positive self-image, more energy to tackle work and relationships, these healthier relationships providing more fulfilling and happy lives, and understanding that identity is not defined by the work that we do. Knowing that an active life, flowing like a stream of living water is the most vibrant and life-giving, most certainly makes it worth pursuing.

    As I make these subtle changes, I’m excited to see how my journey continues to unfold. I’m excited to keep enjoying the process and continue to share and document these experiences, hopefully without ever growing stagnate in the process.

  • 2nd Anniversary Love Letter

    A glimpse into the process, an email sent to the wife..

    “Believers need to learn to view work not only in terms of monetary gain, but also in terms of the spiritual benefit they may gain on the job, such as learning patience, self-control, wisdom, etc. I believe we all would agree that working a job builds character, which is a meaningful step in our maturing in Christ. We need to both teach and model that we are working for Jesus, not for men, and that it is the Lord Christ whom we serve (Col 3:23-24).” – Patrick Lai, Tentmaking

    Dear love,

    As I am home studying, preparing, and training more for whatever our future holds, I’m so grateful that you allow me the freedom and flexibility to be able to do so. It is also on your shoulders that I can lean on and rest, that I can stand on to reach for higher goals and purposes for the Lord. This partnership, is something I truly do not take for granted. I hope you are benefiting from this partnership as well. I hope you are being filled.

    As a man, I do sway at times thinking about making money, wanting to provide for us and our future family and it’s sometimes frustrating when the bills pile up and we need to cut out decisions because we are trying to be frugal with our money. I know you console me and say it’s not an issue for you, and sometimes it’s so hard for me to fully believe that, which makes you so much more of an incredible woman and person.

    Thank you for pointing me in the right direction, for not allowing me to take the easier path, for keeping my eyes focused on the narrow path, no matter how foolish it seems, no matter how many times it doesn’t make sense. You are amazing.

    “It never cost a disciple anything to follow Jesus; to talk about cost when you are in love with anyone is an insult.” – Oswald Chambers

    I want to live like this for the Lord, I want us and our family to live like this for the Lord. And you are already showing me a glimpse of this, that there is no cost, there is no amount of money to the love you have for me, the love you have for following and pursuing God, and I’m so touched, I’m so encouraged, and I will keep on persevering.

    I love you honey.

    Happy next day into the third year of this amazing gift of marriage 🙂

  • Light of the World

    Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

    – Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

    I remember hearing this quote while watching the movie, Coach Carter. Although truncated, I was so moved. However, that’s where it ended—a good feeling and an idea I desired yet after many years, I realized that it was not true in my life.

    I feared my darkness more than my light. I was ashamed at what kind of thoughts and feelings my mind and heart harbored and there was a constant war within myself. Sometimes I identified with past shames and regrets and questioned a lot of things about my life.

    Probably like most individuals, I masked this darkness with trying harder, achieving more, and though I did build up a decent life resume of accomplishments, I knew deep in my heart that I was not truly free.

    As the years passed and my initial exploration for a greater meaning of life led to a genuine relationship with a living God, I found myself being liberated of past guilts and others began to testify to these changes. And as I continue to grow and mature in this relationship, building a foundation based on what Jesus Christ taught his disciples, I am now beginning to see clearly.

    You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

    – Matthew 5:14-16

    For much of my early journey, I was tossed in a wave of emotions, teachings, and doubts. I regressed back into old habits, I occasionally would linger in past memories and lived in defeat, although it may not have seemed like it on the surface.

    But now, I am beginning to proclaim, that yes, I am the light of the world. And I am finally beginning to understand this greater fear of how powerful I can be. It’s such a new development, but I’m excited to be free, to really begin living my life to the fullest.

    I know that this was not due to my own accomplishments or disciplines, but rather, it is truly because of my Father in Heaven, my living God, who continues to demonstrate such a great love, a mystery beyond understanding.

    As I am liberated, as I let my own light shine, I am excited to unconsciously allow others to do the same, and I hope my presence automatically liberates others to be free and ultimately give glory to our Father in heaven!

  • The Visionary

    The Chief Executive Officer (CEO)—It would be a lie if I were to say that I never wanted to be a CEO of.. anything. The title symbolizes status, power, authority. However, once I started working at a medium-size company, I wondered, what do CEOs even do? It seemed like most of them we either know of or hear about play golf the majority of their time and their paycheck consists of way too many zeros.

    However, having worked at a startup company, alongside many other aspiring entrepreneurs, I came across a different kind of CEO. For one, there were way too many CEOs in one room and I realized that the highly regarded title is just that—a title. Just because I slap on a few extra letters after my name, doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t prove anything. The value and worth of an individual is not defined by what degrees or titles they’ve achieved, but is defined by who they are.

    Another discovery was that there are also a lot of CEOs with not enough zeros in their paycheck. It’s the #truelife of a hustler. But with knowing this reality, I’ve realized that these individuals are another breed of leaders. These CEOs don’t have enough time in their day for rounds of golf, rather they work longer and harder hours than a first year analyst at an investment firm.

    Visionaries

    CEOs as founders of a company also possess something that no other coworker, employee, or investor may have—vision.

    I recently did an exercise with a CEO of a company and was asked, “What would this company look like 20 years from now without any limitations?” I sat there and pondered, trying to imagine the highest potential for the company and its reach to redeem the creative arts. Being a relatively creative person myself, I shared my thoughts and believed it was a good swing at the task at hand.

    However, what I soon realized was that the most grandiose vision that I could have imagined paled in comparison to the original creator (i.e., the CEO). Even as a past employee, having worked different facets of the company, even as an educated individual with a creative and explorative mind, my “wildest” imagination of what the pinnacle of success for this company would look like was nothing to what the founder had already planned and dreamed of before inception.

    I shared that this company would allow people to have access to the best artists in remote villages of Africa for their cultural awareness event. The CEO shared that the president of a country rebuilding its war torn lands would utilize the platform to gather multiple artists, architects, designers, and performers, to showcase the strength and unification of the country as a demonstration and proclamation to the rest of the world. My mind was blown away..

    How much more so…

    After the five hour meeting of brainstorming for the future growth of the company, I normally would’ve felt exhausted; however, an epiphany began to take shape from what seemed as an ordinary work related experience.

    I know I am a smart individual. I know I have had many different experiences in life that I’ve also reflected on that has shaped my character and my perspective. However, in the end that didn’t matter in the context of this company and the original creator’s vision.

    And on the bus ride back home, was when I began reflecting on the Original Creator. The Creator of the universe and the earth. The ultimate CEO.

    How much more trivial would our visions be as we try to compare our wisdom and knowledge to a God of the universe, creator of our lives, the “companies” we operate in, trying to add value and meaning when it is only the Good Father who truly knows best. I realized that I used to think that I knew best, that I held the most rationale opinions on complex issues, that I have given the most thought to various matters pertaining to my life and my surroundings. But as I continue this journey of life and faith, I realize how insignificant I am compared to the vastness that is God and simply for that reason, I exalt Thee.

  • Confession: I should be on the Ashley Madison list

    It was only a few months ago, I remember doing my daily ritual of scanning CNN articles to stay abreast of current news, when I stumbled across a headline that read something along the lines of, “Ashley Madison hack ruined my life”. There was consistent coverage in the summer months to follow related to this hack, the site, and its consequences.

    My initial response to the Ashley Madison website was disgust. Even as a child, I for some reason, held ideal views of love and marriage and thought it was a sacred and precious gift. Although infidelity has penetrated into the households of many couples and families, it was always private, done in secret—I couldn’t believe that a website was created to help publicly facilitate what society views in shame. Then again, I guess it was only a matter of time before technology also disrupted this space, and in lieu disrupt the relationships involved.

    I dug a little deeper to discover what was going on, searching for why the site was created in the first place, who the founder is, why the site was hacked, combed through the barrage of comments, and watched a biological anthropologist’s examination of human behavior and why people are on the Ashley Madison site.

    Although my initial reaction was, “I can’t believe this site exists” and was rooting for the hackers and their success, I realized their good intentions led to additional complicated issues in addition to already existing broken relationships—i.e., hate crime, cyber security, online scam, and even suicides. There are lots of different perspectives out there, some as “light” as making humor out of the incident as hosts of an award show, to some more reflective misconceptions about the hack.

    However, I had a different reaction to what had already been discussed concerning this issue, one that took me some time to think about and with some hesitancy, am writing about now.

    My Confession

    It was estimated that about 37 million people were identified in the hack, ranging from the average Joe, CEOs, politicians, and sadly, even pastors. I shook my head when reading this statistic, but at that moment, a haunting epiphany struck me—I, too, am on that list.

    No, I did not literally sign up for the Ashley Madison site after only being married for less than two years, and I have no intention to do so. I am deeply in love with my wife, I am completely, holistically satisfied in our marriage—emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. Yet, despite this complete and rich love, the intimacy that she and I share, the trust, comfort, security, and passion, there exists in me thoughts that jeopardize and can put all of these amazing things at risk. There are temptations that ever so slightly brew and I don’t know where it comes from, yet I know that it’s not something that I want to entertain. I realized, instead of judging those who were users on the Ashley Madison site, I knew if anybody were to hack my thoughts, I, too, would be extremely guilty of infidelity, of the possibility that I too can be a user of the Ashley Madison service.

    It was this realization that confused and troubled me for the past couple of months. Before marriage, I never understood how even in the small circle of people I knew, men would cheat on their wives, wives would leave their husbands. I could not understand how two individuals who were so deeply in love, to go as far as to commit to love each other for the rest of their lives, could do something as egregious as cheating, and ultimately cause an immense amount of hurt and pain to someone whom they claimed to love till death do us part. And now that I am married, ironically I can now see how this tragedy may come to fruition in my life, I can see how I too am susceptible to the ugly grips of a broken love.

    Small steps lead to greater victories

    What I fortunately learned early on is that the people who resort to using sites like Ashley Madison or who secretly have affairs with other people is not something that happens overnight. As some writers have already mentioned, it is the small hurts and pains that go unaddressed, the unfulfilled, discontent heart that was never shared between the two individuals, that ultimately lead to deeper hurts and pains that eventually will lead people to find comfort, love, and or respect, elsewhere.

    I’m truly grateful that I was able to realize this early on, identifying in my self when I was hurt by my wife, and felt a thin layer of callousness covering my heart. I knew I immediately had to bring this before her, instead of covering it in pride or whatever other reason I could think of, and in doing so, being able to not let the hardness penetrate any deeper and resolve the issue immediately. I knew it was something as small as an argument that makes me not want to sleep next to her that evening, can ultimately lead me to not sleep with her forever. Some may think that this is unnecessary, it may be overbearing to talk about and reveal such seemingly petty disagreements, however, I find it more foolish to not talk about these things to risk the possibility of having a much more difficult conversation of, “Where were you last night?”

    My heart goes out to all the individuals affected by the Ashley Madison site and hack. My heart goes out more to the millions of people not on the site who struggle with broken relationships. And my heart goes out to those who may be beginning their amazing journey of marriage, especially the ones in their honeymoon phase who feel like their love will last forever.

    My hope is that we can realize how it’s the little things that ultimately lead to the much bigger disasters, or to victories. It is either the little hurts and scars that continue to build up that may lead to an outburst of anger or rebellion. It is the little lusts, the glances, the entertaining of certain thoughts and images that lead to infidelity, rape, and other sexual offenses.

    But it is also the little steps of communicating, reaching out, starting early, that can lead to open, vibrant, and trusting relationships. It is the small battles we choose to face, instead of mindlessly giving into whatever our minds and bodies crave. It is these small victories, that will lead us not to have to use sites like Ashley Madison, that will not create a desire for hackers demanding justice, and for the rest of society having to deal with issues like hate crime, cyber security, and most importantly, broken relationships and taken lives. I wonder, how much better off this world will be if only we learned how to love one another with more depth and greater trust.

    To my beloved wife, I hope you never have to hack my mind and heart because I will do my utmost best to guard it, to love you truly till death do us part. I hope you can join me in this battle, for honesty, for purity, and to continue our fun, exciting, comforting, journey of marriage. I want to enjoy every process with you.

    Love,
    Your husband

  • What is your retirement dream?

    Sitting poolside at a beautiful resort, the sound of a cascading waterfall in the background, ice cold Pina colada in one hand served by a friendly waiter, an engaging book in the other, relaxing for endless hours without a care in the world, where time is only judged by the position of the sun in the clear, baby blue sky…

    Standing on perfectly maintained green grass, surrounded by magnificent mountains and breathtaking landscapes, calmly breathing in unpolluted fresh air, ready to take the last putt on the 18th hole for a birdie, knowing what awaits is a victory ice cold beer, and the cool ride home in an electric red Porsche…

    It sounds too good to be true, a life worth striving for, working hard in our earlier years to hopefully reach this point in our lives where we can retire and simply enjoy the pleasures of life.

    For many, it is the American dream. It is what we see in movies, what we talk about with friends, what we hear about from our bosses when they occasionally call into the office to make sure the work is being done and clients are satisfied.

    For a privileged few, this is already a reality, a vacation. And fortunately, I had the opportunity to live this retirement dream for a couple of days when I took a trip to Arizona—golf haven, retirement home central, and reliable sunny days. I experienced and witnessed this life and to be honest, it was relaxing, stress-free, and enjoyable. However, when I looked at the multitude of individuals and couples who sat by the pool, walked the golf courses, I noticed something and began to wonder, “Are these people truly happy? Did they achieve what they want in life and in their later years, are they fulfilled, joyful, worry-free?” Obviously I don’t know what these people are truly feeling or thinking, but by observation, it just didn’t seem so. That made me wonder, what does my end look like? What does “retirement” mean to me?

    Begin with the end in mind

    While I had a lot of time to reflect and think, I began with one of the “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”—begin with the end in mind. Now when thinking about life, what we know with absolute certainty for humans is that our end is death. When we draw upon this habit and really begin with the ultimate end, it certainly helps us put things into perspective and gives us a different lens to view our life and the meaning behind it. But that’s for a different time…

    I began with a different end—retirement. Retirement is usually discussed in the context of work and our careers, usually achieved around the age of 65 for social security benefits to kick in and hopefully for the fortunate few that saved, their 401-k’s and other retirement funds. With the exception of the unicorn stories, the Fortune Magazine 30 under 30 group, self-made millionaires, viral apps being acquired by mega companies, the majority of us work a vast portion of our lives (assuming we start working soon after graduating college in our early 20s and retiring in our mid to late 60s). Forty years… Approximately forty years we work, whether purposefully, intentionally, toward a goal, perhaps retirement, or maybe for some, aimlessly, without even a dream of sitting pool side or owning that Porsche.

    I wondered, would I be satisfied with living out my recent vacation, every single day when I’m older? Soaking up the sun, playing golf, eating food and being served by someone else so I don’t have to lift a pinky up? As relaxing and enjoyable my recent vacation was, I don’t know if I would be satisfied with the cliche American retirement dream. It’s not to say that it is an undesirable dream, most certainly not, but to wonder if I would be satisfied with my life, to work hard for 40 somewhat years to enjoy, if lucky, another 15-20 years of it, does not seem like something I look forward to nor desire. It does not seem like a good investment of the precious resource of time given to me. Not to say that nothing bad won’t happen within those years where all the hard work would then amount to nothing anyway.

    A new retirement fund

    So if working hard, saving, and hustling to achieve comfort, relaxation, and what seems like “freedom” is not my own personal dream, then what is? What is… Now this is a difficult question, a difficult picture to paint in our heads because we’ve been absorbing since an early age this one picture of retirement.

    I don’t know if I have an exact picture, a dream, or an end goal I’m striving for, but there are a few things that I can say at this stage and point of my life:

    1) I don’t want to wait until I’m in the last quarter of my life, to be able to fully enjoy life

    The common perception here is that we need lots of money to be able to be free, to enjoy life, but I’ve seen enough with my own eyes that there is so much happiness aside from the expensive luxuries of life, but that priceless treasures bring us so much more joy than what a consumer mentality teaches us. I want to continue to learn how to be content with what I have, and as a friend once said, “to live simply, and give lavishly”. I don’t need to wait to really enjoy every day of my life, to be thankful and grateful for what I have thus far, and to fully enjoy that.

    2) I want to surround myself with people who share a similar hope

    We know how easy it is to be influenced by the people around us, and there is much wisdom whether through literature or science, that supports this fact. And having traveled much, both inside and outside the states, I can confidently say that the New York, tristate area is definitely a major proponent of the lifestyle in placing an extreme emphasis on more work, more money, status, power, and fueling the idea that we need to have more to enjoy life and that luxurious things are better—luxury goods, luxury vacations, luxury foods, luxury homes. Having been blessed with much, I can say that though some of these things are most certainly nice to have, they are not necessary to have a fulfilling life.

    3) I want to be in a place where I won’t forget what the ultimate end is

    I know that life is short, having had near death experiences at an early age, having witnessed too many deaths from the small circle of people I know. I know that there is more to life and as I continue to grow in my understanding of this life, I want to be in a place that I can share with others my discoveries of greater joys, greater freedom, greater love, and a deeper meaning to what we view as our precious lives.

    It is certainly not a definitive picture, and perhaps that’s better? Regardless, it is a direction, a focus, that allows me to not only invest into a 401-k, but also invest into my retirement fund of meaning, of joy, of love, of peace, and knowing that when I do so, my returns are truly priceless and limitless.

    …Holding the hand of my beloved wife after many years of being together, weathering through the storms and enjoying the sunshine, still making each other laugh, holding onto one another like the honeymoon phase of our relationship, heart being tender and affectionate, gut still dropping when she gazes into my eyes… Meeting with various people, people who we can share our love and our joy with, people who we can laugh with, people who need care and can care for us, people who still make us better after many experienced years… Sharing a meal together, a simple meal, but delicious because of the laughter, the love, brightness and energy, sharing stories of hope, stories of love… And at the end of the day, going to bed with the warmth, comfort, and peace, of truly being happy with all that we have, however much or however little, knowing that we lived that day to the fullest, knowing that the day was meaningful and beautiful…

    That’s a wonderful retirement for me.

  • “The Call”

    On September 6, 2015, during an ordinary Sunday service, I felt for the first time a “calling”. My initial response was a call to go (as we read from Genesis 12, Abraham’s call to go). A call to leave the homeland, into an unknown place.

    I remember in 2010, after a month stay in Tanzania, I had an intense desire and passion to go on full-time, international missions; however, something in my gut knew that was not the answer, the time or call. I was ready to give up my potential career as a well-paid pharmacist, but God had other plans for me to take on a full time job.

    Fast forward five years later, I now feel called. Called when things could not be better from the world’s eye—called when I’m very happily married, when our finances are relatively stable, flexibility and comfort of job situation, home owner at the age of 26, good social life amongst friends, nothing majorly wrong with family relations. And when things could not seem better, even being grateful at most times, I know that something was awry, something was off, my heart has not been content. And for some time now, going through this career journey, searching for what is my “call” and having experienced a gamut of experiences, I realize there is only one true call.

    What was initially a call to go, a call to missions, I know that is not the ultimate call. The call is from the caller, the call is to a being, not a place, a job, or life purpose. Our life purpose is already defined—to be children of God, to be disciples, to glorify the Lord, to rejoice always, pray continually, to give thanks in all circumstances, to love the Lord and to love others—simple. Yet, as 21st century millennials, we complicate this to such varying degrees.

    Our call, is never a call to go or a call to be, our call is a call to come. To come, and draw nearer to God, to be in greater intimacy with the Lord.

    Yes, I agree and have been blessed through finding work as worship, to treat this area, my family and friends, as a mission field, my marriage as a mission field. However, throughout it all, all the changes, the one constant always draws back to God our Lord and the closer intimacy with Jesus Christ. On this journey, with all the doubts, the questions, everything has been drawing me closer to God and that is the only call.

    Our purpose and focus should never be a career, a meaning, a vocation, a church, nor a place—all irrelevant. It’s simply a relationship (which we know is not that simple), not an ideology, religion, set of beliefs, or a philosophy to grasp nor a life to achieve both in a secular and Christian worldview. The Lord—as Mary sat beside the Lord—that’s all it’s about.

    And each individual has different understandings, different degrees of knowing the Lord and with that a representation in our lives, a reflection of that relationship, of Jesus Christ. Some, to genuinely be called to a marketplace, a profession, or perhaps some to be examples in marriage; some to preach, some to teach, as expressed by Apostle Paul. But again, these reflections should never be the focus as “holy” as it may seem.

    And with the talk of end of the world (nothing new in our time or of before), I can’t help but to think of not in short- or long-term thinking but want to begin thinking in terms of eternity. And I ask myself, how much do I really believe this? And as I ponder, it’s a matter of trust of how much more intimately I know the Lord. Just like in a relationship with a significant other, it doesn’t matter what stage or how long you’ve known the individual, there is a level of faith and trust that comes with committing to “human eternity”—i.e., till death do us part. It is through this commitment, covenant, we draw infinitely closer to an individual—never through short or long term commitments or time frame of knowing one other. And how much more so, will we know the Lord when we commit to him for eternity perspective.

    Regarding end of world talk, U.S. dollar collapsing, it’s easy to focus our attention on these media grabbing topics (or rather lack thereof for now until it happens). However, regardless of the timing, it is certain, even aside from Christian perspective, that the collapse of the U.S. dollar is most likely inevitable. It is also, if belief in the Christian God is true, that the times of our fallen world we know will end. Regardless of each belief, we can put our trust/faith in one or the other, both, or neither and that affects the way we live our lives. If we really believe the U.S. dollar will collapse, would we not find measures to be prepared, to be guarded? Just like we would do if we receive a warning about a potential hurricane to hit our area. If the Christian end times is true and regardless of whether we know when, would we still not live a life reflective of that? And of course, it may look different as is to the measure of faith of each individual’s relationship with God.

    I don’t know what will happen three days from now, I don’t know what my specific reflection of my relationship with God will look like, nor what location or vocation I should be. But one thing is clear as it always has been—to love God with all my heart, mind, and soul. It is this commandment, the greatest commandment, that has led to all the greatest truths and revelations in my life.

  • So What Do You Do?

    This is a common question we are either asked or ask ourselves when we first meet people. It’s a seemingly safe, small-talk type of question, however why is it that this is the first question we (as a society) ask?

    I remember the first time I thought about this when I asked an individual and they responded, as if they were ashamed, that they were not employed at that time. My immediate thought was, “Oh, then what do you do?” (in a condescending tone) however after pausing for a split moment, I realized.. what’s wrong with that?

    It was after encounters like this that I began recognizing more in myself and in others how often this is where most conversations begin. What I thought seemed innocent, really turns out to be a much deeper, embedded value system of the society we live in.

    Some background..

    Having worked in the Medical Communication industry for a little over 3 years, I attained two promotions during that time and was well regarded amongst my peers and upper management. I had a Doctorate in Pharmacy and though was relatively young, was still held in high regards and looked upon for advice and insight for my division. After a journey of ups and downs in the corporate setting, I left this job to pursue an entrepreneurial journey. For the next year and a half, I attempted to create a new business model by using small businesses for social good, consulted a new online startup company and shaping its value proposition, as well as join an existing startup company learning how to manage and create culture from the bottom up.

    It was throughout this journey that I’ve encountered numerous times, some out of genuine curiosity, the question of, “so what do you do?” I began to realize more and more how much our society values and identifies with what we do—that is, what is our profession, our career, our status, and of course tied closely with that an estimation of how much money we make and what kind of lifestyles we can leisurely enjoy.

    During the transition times I had between each of the ventures, I really began exploring within myself how much I identified with what I did. What I initially perceived as something not as important to me, I quickly realized how much I too, am simply a product of our environment and society. During the down times when I did not have work, was at home, while the wife went off to work, feelings of insecurity and lesser self-worth started creeping in. It wasn’t that I couldn’t get a job (a well-paying job at that), but exploring this journey of entrepreneurship was more important to me. However, people around me did not understand, especially the ones that are closest to me. It was the family members who did not understand how as a man I was not providing for my family, the friends who would half jokingly make remarks that I am not doing anything with my time and my life, and of course, it was my own voice that haunted me the most, wondering, “what am I really doing with my life?”

    A new perspective..

    After lots of self reflection, support from my beloved wife, reading various literature, that I began to overcome this value system created by our society’s culture. I began to see more clearly how this culture took shape. It’s from childhood, that we are imposed with this belief that “we can achieve anything, the sky is the limit, just believe in yourself and you can do it” mentality. Then there are some parents (particularly the Asian American ones) who push their children to get the best grades, to take multiple extracurricular activities, who “want the best for their children,” who set expectations that only esteemed degrees such as doctors, lawyers, and high-salary bankers, are the only careers worth pursuing. Perhaps, more subtly, it is also from the pulpit that pastors preach that we are called to live “more impactful lives”, to pursue worthy lives, to never settle.

    All these different facets of life from childhood, to becoming more competitive in high school to get into the best colleges, to then get the best jobs, to then take on a career that was nothing more than an illusion of satisfaction and success, has led us to identify ourselves with what we do.

    Now, though of course there are positive influences and life-lessons from this type of drive, ones such as hard work, being productive, disciplined, etc., when those good character building traits are lost in the midst of simply becoming a slave to the system, we are just constantly, aimlessly working for more (more money, status, power), ultimately fueling our own self-esteem. We become nothing more than the infamous rats running the race, the mindless drones climbing an illusory ladder, knowing that what awaits us at the top is really nothing great at all.

    Currently, I am not working a well paying corporate office job nor pursuing the seemingly glamorous entrepreneurial startup, but rather am learning to appreciate the finer things in life, like maximizing the time with my wife. I am learning to be content with what we have, instead of always yearning for more. I am learning to be okay with not being defined by what I do, but rather I’m defined by simply who I am. I am an individual, who doesn’t like to settle for the norm, who questions and thinks (perhaps a little too much for his own good), who loves spending time with people and certain individuals, who has a deeper relationship with God, who has a story to tell about his life. That’s who I am. I am not defined by being a pharmacist, a 6-figure salary man, an entrepreneur, or a writer. Rather, those things are just a small part of my life.

    With these insights, it’s sometimes uncomfortable to ask, “What do you like to do?” or “So what kind of person are you?” but perhaps it will get people off the normal script of life and not to simply identify ourselves with what we do, but really begin to find out who we really are.

  • One Year Anniversary

    – Dedicated to my beloved wife

    I realized this process wouldn’t be complete without an explanation of where the motto “enjoy the process” originated from. I’ll save the full story for another time, but basically it was the theme from the beginning of my relationship with my now wife. When we started dating, or what we defined as courtship (despite a NY Times article released shortly after titled “The End of Courtship?”), there were many hurdles we had to jump over. But instead of looking at them as negatives, we simply wanted to enjoy the process through the good times and bad.

    My wife and I were wedded March 2014 and we recently celebrated our one year anniversary.  There were times that were definitely very challenging, however, the beauty of marriage, a healthy marriage, is something that is incomparable to anything else in life. We shared a few things that we learned or were thankful of after our first year together. A couple of mine are below:

    I am most free when I am with my wife

    There is the adage you hear amongst “bros” when either their girlfriend or wife is out of town, “I’m a free man!” I remember being alongside friends who had girlfriends/wives that would say this and when their “significant” other was no longer around, then it was time to go out and have fun. The sad reality of this condition, especially for those that are committed in marriage, is that the commitment seems more like an imprisonment rather than a joy.

    I wasn’t sure what to expect once I got married how I would react if my wife were to be out of town, but I was given the opportunity to experience this not too long ago. She was away for an extended weekend and the little bachelor inside my head thought, “It is time to have some fun!” However, once apart, I realized after the first night that I was not having more fun nor did I feel more liberated. In fact, life didn’t seem complete. It was then I realized that the relationship that my wife and I nurtured, especially in the earlier stages, was so mutually beneficial that I was able to do everything that I wanted to do even with her. I was so thankful to have a wife that is understanding and it made me want to “sacrifice” certain areas of my life that perhaps some bachelors may view as not worth sacrificing. I know that my life has been more freeing now with my wife than the illusion of freedom during my single hood.

    My reality is better than any fantasy

    The second thing I learned and was tremendously thankful towards my wife may be a little bit uncomfortable for some couples or individuals to read. There is another adage that “men are like dogs” when it comes to their sexual desires.  Though I credit myself to be a little bit more civilized than a dog, I know that if left to my own vices, I am no different and the lure of sexuality is most certainly present in my life.

    What I realized that most men would do regarding these lures is to either suppress them or entertain them in their own minds (the former most likely leading to the latter anyway). I realized that as I would try to keep suppressing or avoiding the thoughts, it would usually lead to frustration as it is no different than trying to stop thinking about a pink elephant in the room. An exercise I did was to just play out whatever lure it may have been, that is, whatever fantasy was conjured up in my own mind (and of course, this will probably look different for everyone). I realized as I “played out my fantasy” in entirety and how it would affect my life, there was no way that the fantasy could ever replace the reality I had with my wife. There is nothing nor anyone that can ever replace her with all our quirks and intricacies that make us us, and that is when I realized that my reality is better than any fantasy.

    Now I must add that a tricky part to this “exercise” is that if the relationship is not healthy, entertaining the lures of sexual desires or playing out fantasies may ultimately lead to a reality, which then will lead to the plethora of broken and hurt marriages and relationships we see today. I must urge that it is paramount to ensure that the relationship is healthy and then be able to tackle whatever other issues present in life.

    All in all, I cannot wait to keep enjoying this process with my wife, and I could not have asked for a better year together. Happy one year anniversary love.