Enjoy the Process

Author: Enjoy the Process

  • Vuja De: gaining new insights into old problems

    Reflection Paper

    The three most important ideas in Entrepreneurial Leadership and Originals are: 1) The perspective one has is critical to entrepreneurship and innovation; 2) With this perspective or skillset, it is important to take measured risks; and 3) The sustainability of a novel idea is crucial to the long-term impact of an entrepreneur.[1]

    The first idea resonates deeply with me. In the past, there was always a pressure to conform with norms, yet it never felt natural. This applied to familial roles, pursuits in life (i.e. in education and work), and broader societal patterns, including religious and non-religious spheres. While Goossen, Stevens, and Grant emphasize the point that “the entrepreneurial approach to work and life can be developed, enhanced and improved”[2] and that “originals are far more ordinary than we realize,”[3] there is a consistent underlying aspect of vuja de.[4] It has been this vuja de perspective that has fueled me to challenge traditions in all regards, from simple fashion statements to cultural heritage, such as filial piety.[5] While there has been this pattern of originality in my personal or private life, this spirit has yet to be reflected in a public sphere.

    I believe most of the attention and literature on entrepreneurship is centered around business and economy particularly because of the ease of measurability of money, as Jim Rohn states.[6] However, I wonder how non-business and non-economic institutions and individuals can benefit from having this vuja de mentality and skill. I wonder how the church and its various aspects such as community groups, Sunday gatherings, perhaps even doctrine, can benefit from vuja de, not just for the sake of challenging norms, but to have a deeper understanding of God. While I no longer believe that being an original or entrepreneur ought to be confined to economic spheres, I do believe that one must display vuja de or adopt the perspective and exercise the skill to be considered one.

    Having recognized that I inherently have this perspective, I can now be free to utilize it not only in a personal and private manner, but perhaps take measured risks to disrupt more of the familiar for good. As mentioned earlier, some immediate aspects concern modes of operation the Western church has adopted, as well as making decisions on how to raise a family in this contemporary age. However, I am already very familiar that “[choosing] to challenge the status quo is an uphill battle, and there are bound to be failures, barriers, and setbacks along the way.”[7]

    The third major idea regarding sustainability deeply challenged my former understanding on this topic, which mainly revolved around operating individualistically. It is not sufficient to be an original with a novel idea—the importance of sustainability and long-lasting effects is just as, if not more, significant. Grant discusses developing sustainability regarding how an individual continues to foster originality as we age, by adopting what he defines as the experimental approach contrary to the conceptual.[8] Goossen and Stevens provide principles on how an entrepreneurial leader practices, sustains, and makes a difference. They pose a challenge from an institutional level, particularly critiquing Christian institutions. Unfortunately, many are not characterized as being innovative, creative, and forward-thinking, thus undermining their long-term sustainability.[9],[10] This aspect came to life as Paul Stevens shared his journey with the Institute of Marketplace Transformation (IMT). While Stevens’ vision and fresh perspective on faith and work provides much value to the Christian community, without critically preparing for his transition and the focus of IMT, this originality may have become obsolete within his circle of influence.

    While reading these books, they stirred some theological reflections as well. Grant discusses the difference of the logic of appropriateness verse the logic of consequence, which entails one’s character verse behavior.[11] The logic of appropriateness considers the character of a person, while the logic of consequence may separate behavior from character—one may drive home drunk but still think he or she is not a drunkard. This is interesting when considering the concept of sin and sinner. Often times I have heard of separating the sin from the individual, however this would fall under the logic of consequence, leading one to focus on their behavior. However, if the narrative shifted to focus and emphasize one’s character as a Christian (i.e. a child of God), perhaps this will help Christians shift from a mentality of “asking whether this behavior will achieve the results they want,” and rather “they take action because it is the right thing to do.”[12]

    Another very interesting aspect of vuja de is in the “kill the company” exercise. “When deliberating about innovation opportunities, the leaders weren’t inclined to take risks,” says Grant. “When they considered how their competitors could put them out of business, they realized that it was a risk not to innovate. The urgency of innovation was apparent.”[13] I wonder how much a “nothing will prevail against the church”[14] mentality prevents the current models of the church as an institution, particularly in the West, from innovating. While I believe nothing will prevail against the people of God as the body of Christ, I question the sustainability of current church models in a rapidly changing world with an increasing pace of change.[15]

    While there is much to reflect on the ever-changing field of entrepreneurship and much more critical thinking is needed, I believe it is more important to bear in mind the overarching context that “[the] ultimate goal for humankind in the Bible is righteousness—right relations with God, neighbor, and creation.”[16]

    [1] I will be using the term entrepreneur in a broader sense, not limited to an institutional vocation.

    [2] Richard Goossen and Paul Stevens, Entrepreneurial Leadership: Finding Your Calling, Making a Difference (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Press, 2013), 18, footnote.

    [3] Adam Grant, Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World (New York, NY: Viking, 2016), 16.

    [4] Vuja de is the opposite of déjà vu, i.e. approaching something familiar, with a fresh perspective that enables one to gain new insights into old problems (cf. Grant, 7).

    [5] Filial piety is a very strong virtue in Asian cultures.

    [6] From Jim Rohn, Best Life Ever.

    [7] Grant, 212.

    [8] Grant, 109.

    [9] Goossen and Stevens, 168, 172.

    [10] While Grant discusses this from a business perspective, he shares a similar principle: “Once a market becomes dynamic, big companies with strong cultures are too insular: They have a harder time recognizing the need for change, and they’re more likely to resist the insights of those who think differently. As a result, they don’t learn and adapt, and don’t have better or more reliable financial results than their competitors.” (183) This may further explain why both businesses and churches “fail” within an average of seven years.

    [11] Grant, 170-1.

    [12] Ibid.

    [13] Grant, 234.

    [14] Cf. Matt 16:18.

    [15] “… intuitions are only trustworthy when people build up experience making judgments in a predictable environment… There’s a stable, robust relationship between the patterns you’ve seen before and what you encounter today… In a rapidly changing world, the lessons of experience can easily point us in the wrong direction. And because the pace of change is accelerating, our environments are becoming ever more unpredictable. This makes intuitions less reliable as a source of insight about new ideas and places a growing premium on analysis.” (Grant, 53-4)

    [16] Goossen, 102-3.

  • Useless, Frustrated, Sinful

    When people ask, “How is it being a father?,” I wish I can respond with these three words. However, because I want to avoid quizzical looks and long drawn out conversations, I would give in to the typical excitement and happiness that people have for our newborn.

    My daughter was born about one month ago and never have I felt time pass by so fast. It is only now in this brief respite of quietness that I am forcing myself to reflect and not vegetate with Brooklyn 99.

    Without a doubt, once our daughter came out of my wife’s womb, it had to be one of the most magical experiences ever—minus the brief moment of extreme frustration towards my mother-in-law for telling me to look at her phone camera a certain way.

    It is interesting how labor is mostly associated with the movie scene pictures of the woman yelling and screaming with her legs hoisted up. It doesn’t prepare people for the twenty hour process, perhaps a reason why the instant gratification culture prefers to avoid natural births.

    Nonetheless, whilst my wife labored laboriously, I could not help but feel useless for most of the early portion. In fact, at one point I felt quite bored just sitting next to her, waiting and resting with her until the next contraction and bout of pain. I refrained from trying to “capitalize” the time by reading a book or something and joyfully waited, massaged, and breathed with her.

    Then came the intense, active labor, where everyone had differing opinions to offer—take the drugs, go all natural, don’t look down there, watch the whole show, expect her to cuss her head off at you. Looking back, it took a lot of butt and hip massages, warm showers, deep breathing, water feeds, and a lot of encouragement, and then everything is instantly forgotten. The literal sweat, blood, and tears, agony, defeat, persistence, strength, courage, weakness, hope—all describe the amazing woman my wife is as she climbed through one of the toughest experiences of her life. And while I could not be more amazed by her, the existential thoughts going through my mind at the moment were something along the lines of this is not right and wow was pregnancy worth it?

    But as I said, then the magic happens and what seemed like a baby that refused to come out, all of a sudden slivers out and these thoughts and feelings are shuffled underneath the amazement, joy, awe, and wonder. And while most arduous journeys in life that are conquered have an end and come with a sense fulfillment, the extreme process of labor is quickly shuffled underneath taking care of a newborn.

    People’s responses are expected—precious, adorable, cute. And all the congratulations, smiles, gifts, messages, all the happiness and joy are genuine and true, however like with most things in the modern life the scale leans so heavily on a positive-only response, that it feels wrong to be frustrated and useless.

    And those sentiments are only the tip of the iceberg, trickling down from the labor mountain, while the real ugly stuff is festering underneath all the attempts to match people’s expectations of what it ought to be like to have a newborn.

    Society has taken some steps forward, such as offering the P.U.R.P.L.E. crying handbook and identifying and labeling a new mental health issue of postpartum depression. But what about dealing with things like a lack of love for the newborn? Lack of patience is probably a top-seller, followed up by a lack of gentleness thus the need for a handout to inform broader society not to shake their babies out of frustration. But rather than normalizing these “typical” responses, I am oddly aware of how evil I can be—or to Christianize it, sinful.

    When people hear on the news of abandoned children and are horrified, I have a small taste of understanding why individuals would do that. The amount of sacrifice it takes, the amount of love to pour on a newborn is not something anyone or any learning can prepare you for. And while some of this is understandable and “tolerable” sin, God and I know some of the even more wicked passing thoughts that cross my mind, and some of the fleeting anger, and as Jesus would say, is on a scale of murder.

    I expected this major life change would come with its challenges and hurdles. It is not the diaper changing and adjustments to our living that ever worried me. It was knowing that with every major challenge and struggle in life, comes a deeper awareness of self, comes with a deeper confrontation with values, personal and societal, it comes with new tensions on old and new relationships.

    There is no doubt that I love my daughter. There is without a doubt a deep sense of gratitude for her life, period, as well as how well-behaved and how happy she is. There is so much happiness and joy to see my wife becoming more whole and complete as she was meant to be a mother. There is without a doubt an immense love growing, beyond my own capacity.

    But it is challenging. There are many times frustrations if not checked quickly can fester into something much more toxic. There are many times where I feel useless, which I also understand can lead to depression. There are many times where my evil, wicked heart and mind is revealed, and damn it is ugly to have to face.

    It is difficult, but every new waking moment with my daughter comes new joys and I forget the hyper-selfish, gluttonous, dependent, whiney, needy, baby that she is. It is amazing that there is a capacity within me to love her in that regards. It amazes me even more that there is a God who does the same for me, for the world that continues to choose to live in that hyper-selfish, gluttonous, dependent, whiney, needy state.

    How I long for the day where there will be no more tears.

  • New Death, New Life

    “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist.” – Oscar Wilde

    My friend recently passed away and his death was another reminder of how fleeting life is. Many of us that live in the modern West pursue and enjoy youth, vitality, and health. Death, suffering, pain—these things are almost antithetical to Western values. No one likes to hear about or listen to someone else’s troubles, thus we tend not to share or disclose these seemingly negative stories. For the few that are fortunate enough to have friends or community who care enough, may be able to share in private and find support through trying times.

    Death has such a profound impact on one’s thoughts and reflections, yet it is heavily avoided, perhaps even feared. I am no stranger to death, but my friend’s recent passing made me once again hit the pause button on life and wonder…

    [insert from journal entry day of friend’s death]

    What a surreal reality, death occurring at such a young age and how so many of us think we are immortal, entitled to live a long, full life. Yet, what do we spend our time doing?

    I ask myself, what would I want to be doing if I knew I was at the end of the road? Where would I like to see myself?

    The premise of this question rests on health. I don’t want to be in a place where I am too ill to do anything, but receive treatment, go to hospitals, and be looked after. If that were the case, I would want to be with my wife and loved ones, but I also desire not to be a burden. I would think about the past life and if I would regret anything? Promises unfulfilled? What would be the answer now?

    Own and ride a motorcycle? Too small… Travel? Any place I have not been? Not really… Mountains summited to seas explored and beaches basked… Momentary highs and reflections of how small we are would bring me back… home. Being with my wife in good health… Wow can’t say I have too many reservations.

    Would I be unsatisfied with the possible regret of wanting to achieve more? Seeing some things happen in my lifetime? Peace, prosperity, unity, God’s kingdom? Not really… Is that a limited, selfish, narrow perspective?

    I ask again, what would I like to see happen in my lifetime? What would I like to achieve?

    Jadedness? From traveling, seeing, experiencing, that my heart is jaded to think what is the point? Fleeting life? Yet contrast that with a couple of days ago of desiring more. Why? Leave a legacy? Leave provisions for the next generation? Am I that comfortable?

    [end]

    When we live in a culture that only celebrates and focuses on life and positivity, these seem to lose their value and meaning. For those who live a privileged life and may think that the lack of struggles and pains is a fortunate thing, ironically have the most empty lives. Many may think that they are living, but in reality they are simply existing—existing in comforts and security, in stale relationships, in consumerism, and in meaningless pursuits.

    This so called privilege we live in is evident in many facets, but more recently relevant with birth. As we are expecting a new birth and new life, it is very common to see the focus and celebration of life. Social media posts, baby showers, outpouring of gifts, letters and messages, public announcements, all celebrating new life. The scale leans heavily towards this kind of celebration, with very little room for the lamentation of the many unspoken deaths, the deep wounds and scars, unanswered questions and prayers, and those who may not be able to experience the gift of life.

    Is this the right way to approach life? Are we doing a disservice to ourselves by not acknowledging and addressing death? That death makes life precious. Death makes life meaningful.

    This is particularly more true for the Christian. Or at least it ought to be. Yet, how often do we see a new birth announcement and baby dedication in a church gathering compared to the death of a sixteen week child? How often do we celebrate life and how often do we claim victory over death? I question my belief, my faith, I question how real death and resurrection is. I question Christians living in the West, if our lives reflect something drastically different than someone who does not share the same belief? I am learning that it is one thing to say that I believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and another to live that belief out.

    I hope that I can live, and not just exist. I hope my death will be as much as a celebration as my life. I hope I can relay this message to my child and not forget how fleeting life can be and how precious it is. I hope existence doesn’t sweep over living. I hope for that resurrected life.

    My friend’s recent death has probably brought much pain to those closest to him. I don’t intend to diminish or take away any of the pain and mourning, yet I also acknowledge how his life as well as his death was truly something different…

    Tribute
    Through your life and death, you have made me reflect more on life and more on God. You had your quirks, like your particular taste buds, loving games and gaming, and being sold out for Christ, and you had such a warmth, your big bear hugs skipping over the distant handshake, your brightness that must have reflected the light of God, the light and Spirit of God. Thank you for your life, and I hope to honor you in your death, to remember this fleeting, temporary life of mine, to not waste the moments, to be grateful, to pursue, run while I can, to know more of God and myself, live unashamed, live warmly, live honestly. Thank you.

  • Brainstorm Personal Mission Statement

    The past few months I have revisited some old books like Think and Grow Rich, 7 Habits, as well as personal assessments. Today, I speed-listened to a video seminar by Jim Rohn (How to Live Your Best Life). I’m coming to a realization that the advice of the wealthy is very similar and has not really changed. I’m also realizing that I have come across these principles in the past, applied some aspects, but more recently have forgotten or ceased to practice some of those disciplines and principles. The greatest and most challenging of my most recent self-discovery and reflection is how weak my why, my desire, my purpose has become. Reflecting on where I have come from till now, I went through a season of simply wanting money and financial freedom without much purpose and mainly because that is what the culture and world taught me. However, a shift happened while pursuing greater meaning, meeting and knowing God that veered me away from desiring or coveting such things, idols, and living by one of my own principles:

    “True wealth is being content with what you have.”

    While I believe this principle’s underlying virtue is gratitude and that gratitude translates to many positive fruits, the flip-side of it is that it has made me very complacent, as well as lack desires, direction, and purpose. Initially, my fervor after knowing God supplanted all other desires and while there is also much treasure to know that there is no other greater reward than to know God, translating to know self, I have and am operating in this seemingly confusing tension, under the “tyranny of or”. It is either God and only fulfillment there or the world and what it constitutes and not have God or God’s approval. While I am approaching a realization and somewhat indefinite conclusion that God is a mystery and some things I will never understand, I don’t want to lose this life-giving revelation, yet I want desire, direction, that will translate into something tangible here. Jim Rohn said a few things that stuck:

    1. If you don’t need or expect much, you won’t be much
    2. Not all profit and value is tangible, but one of the easiest measures is money
    3. Achieving financial freedom or lofty goals is more about what kind of person you become

    Loving my wife, being an amazing and the best husband has been the primary goal the past four years and I think I have achieved this to the best degree based on what people say and by her affirmation. I don’t want to forget nor cease to be the best husband, however, I think… no I want something more.

    Today is the day to reinitiate some loftier goals of personal development, to jump start the growth of a personal mission statement, discovering inner desires and external callings, to no longer exist, but to live, and grow in who knows how long I will have on this side of heaven, on this planet, Earth, this side of life as we know. So here goes, today, June 7th, 2018, 31 years old, ordinary Thursday in Vancouver, Canada, leaning on all past experiences, knowledge, advice, teaching, guiding and forming. A word vomit to assess and brainstorm my personal mission statement:

    First, to know God, to love God, with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. Despite all the mysteries, inconsistencies, issues with churches, hypocrisy of Christians, this greater narrative, greater force and presence in my life is undeniable, provides all other structure and meaning to why I seek more, why I do, why I love, why I live.

    Second, to love my wife, my greatest gift, my partner, my friend, my helper, my house CEO, my home, my love. Four years in, could not have expected for this love to be stronger than the day we met; the love is so much better than the infatuation and the thrill. No matter what life throws our way, she will be number one priority, because at the end of the day, all the other great achievements and success pales in comparison. Nearly losing her is something to never forget, having her daily is something to always be grateful for.

    Third, now this is where there has been much uncertainty, change, and now the most excitement! What goes here? Many will probably have within the top three something along the lines of occupation, career, profession, craft, vocation, or what have you. I know that none of these are principles to stand nor rest on, knowing how feeble they are. Many, maybe lumped with marriage or spouse is family. That definition being their own or perhaps immediate and/or relatives. With a child on the way, I know that will affect and shift my life in new and radical ways. But to build on that is not necessarily principle based. The same can be said about my wife. This is the strange dilemma that has kept me largely in passive action towards life. What is the point? Rohn would say, who knows? Keep it simple. And maybe that ought to be my key to filling this out.

    “Dreams are not born of indifference, laziness, or lack ambition.” – N. Hill

    • Be the best husband
    • Be the best father
    • Financial freedom, pursue prosperity
    • Learn about community, impact community (relation building)
    • Physical fitness, strong core, flexible, healthy eating, cardio movement
    • Always learning, reading, observing, listening, challenging, writing
    • Good family member, to my parents and brother, to Gina’s parents and Jin, and to the extended we may come into contact with
    • Make the world a better place, conscious eating, recycling, cleaning, share hope and love to circle of influence
    • Focus on influence, not on the circle of concern (e.g. poverty, global church, technological destruction) (Covey)
    • Great darts player, compete in legitimate competition
    • Impact people positively. High EQ, communication, desire, and heart
    • Practice thanksgiving, generosity; combat consumerism
    • Pursue holiness, pursue God, word and deed, not just good morality; know the greater story and remember the story
    • Business? Corporation?
    • Blockchain technology? Linked with financial freedom?
    • Establish philosophy; don’t blame the resources (Rohn)
    • Coffee and beer cafe?
    • Global IQ/EQ?

    Strange how there is a limit to desires when asked to put it on paper and list. Also interesting that I can’t put anything down in context to career or occupation. Yet, that is such a major concern for so many. Rohn: “To make a living verse to make a fortune.”

    “In their hearts humans plans their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” – Proverbs 16:9 NIV

  • Theological Reflection on Blockchain Revolution | How the Technology Behind Bitcoin Is Changing Money, Business, and the World

    Bitcoin has recently garnered a tremendous amount of attention, despite it having been around for nearly a decade. Momentous highlights include purchasing pizza with bitcoin as the first transaction completed to the Silk Road scandal where numerous illegal drugs were being sold.[1] However, bitcoin attracted the most attention once its market value surpassed $10000 skyrocketing to nearly $20000 in December 2017. More recently, the price has settled down close to $7000, as of the writing of this paper.[2] Despite the negative attention and skewed portrayal of bitcoin by the media, the underlying technology has largely been overlooked—i.e., the blockchain. In the recent book, Blockchain Revolution: How the Technology Behind Bitcoin Is Changing Money, Business, and the World, authors Don and Alex Tapscott explore the bigger implications behind bitcoin and blockchain technology.[3] In this paper, I will provide a critical review of the thesis discussed in Blockchain Revolution and offer additional reflections from a theological point-of-view.

    Critical Book Review

    Similar to bitcoin, the term blockchain has become overhyped that companies with no track record of any means to utilize or adopt the technology is adding blockchain to their names, triggering huge spikes in their stocks.[4] It is important to understand not only the difference in terminology but of function in order to fully grasp the opportunities and challenges this technology presents. The original intent of blockchain was to introduce a peer-to-peer electronic cash system utilizing digital coins, or bitcoin.[5] This new protocol was first outlined by a pseudonymous author, Satoshi Nakamoto. This protocol allows individuals to send payments to one another without having to go through a third party, such as a financial institution, utilizing encryption or cryptography. The distributed, public ledger upholds the integrity of all transactions and relies on the consensus of the majority, rather than a select few. The blockchain forms as transactions in a block are verified by a node in the network, which is then immutable, linking to the following block, forming a chain. While this is a grotesquely oversimplified version of the technology, its premise is simple: “[blockchains] enable us to send money directly and safely from me to you, without going through a bank, a credit card company, or PayPal.”[6]

    The implication of this technology is massive and undated, a protocol that “enables mere mortals to manufacture trust through clever code.”[7] The public perception and trust in centralized institutions is quickly fading beginning with the 2008 financial crash to the recent massive data breaches. This ‘Trust Protocol,’ as Don and Alex Tapscott phrase it, is the culmination of technologic development over the recent decades, from the inception of the World Wide Web to the current Internet of Things (IoT). “We believe the truth can set us free and distributed trust will profoundly affect people in all walks of life.”[8]

    The most prominent and widely discussed application of this technology is with the financial sector. Much of the news is focused on how much bitcoin and cryptocurrency is being traded for, however this only scratches the surface. Because of the disruptive nature of the technology, those who hold the majority of the wealth are concerned and are seeking ways to safeguard the $100 trillion global economy by creating private or permissioned blockchains.[9] The blockchain will challenge the financial industry because of improved attestation, cost, speed, risk management, value innovation, and open source.[10] Financial intermediaries are no longer the gatekeepers to verify one’s identity or establish trust and there are substantially reduced costs and greatly improved speeds to execute transactions. Financial institutions are already adopting this technology internally and “could eventually use it to replace traditional exchanges and centralized markets, upending how we define and trade value.”[11] Influential stakeholders are attempting to keep their walls up, however,

    “[whereas] the old world was hierarchical, slow-moving, reluctant to change, closed and opaque, and controlled by powerful intermediaries, the new order will be flatter, offering a peer-to-peer solution; more private and secure; transparent, inclusive, and innovative.”[12]

    An example of this new order is Consensus Systems (ConsenSys), founded by Joseph Lubin in 2014. ConsenSys is a company that runs on the Ethereum platform[13] and functions like a holacracy, “a collaborative rather than hierarchical process for defining and aligning work to be done.”[14] The platform allows for members to own a stake in projects, incentivizing collaborative behavior. The eventual goal is to build a “decentralized autonomous organization owned and controlled by its nonhuman value creators, governed through smart contracts rather than human agency.” When asked about the risk of removing human agency in decision making, Lubin comments that his concern is not for machine intelligence as humans will evolve alongside it, or even if it surpasses humans, it will operate in a different ecological niche.[15] The blockchain allows firms to shift from vertical hierarchies to horizontal networks, connecting those on a global scale. The vision Lubin describes is that, “Global human society can now agree on the truth and make decisions in ten minutes, or ten seconds. This surely creates an opportunity to have a more enfranchised society… The greater the engagement, the greater the prosperity.”[16]

    Don and Alex Tapscott also explore the wider applications of blockchain technology from the development of decentralized applications in forming new business models to the Ledger of Things connecting the IoT. While we are currently beginning to scrape the surface of smart objects such as home thermostats and wearable technology, the near future will unfold to all these objects being able to communicate and transact with one another through the blockchain. Carlos Moreria, CEO of WISeKey, states “We are moving into another world where the trust is delegated at the object level. An object that is not trusted will be rejected by the other objects automatically without having to check with a central authority… This is a huge paradigm shift that has tremendous consequences in the way that processes will be conducted in the years to come.”[17]

    Another major impact of blockchain is the disruption of the prosperity paradox—while the global economy is growing, the scales of inequality are as well. The Global South has typically favored being anonymous to their corrupt government officials, however, new digital identities and inclusion into the vast economic network will allow for a more balanced opportunity for those in developing countries.[18] Remittances account for a large flow of capital for developing countries, however, the industry has been plagued by high fees, slow transactions, and corruption to name a few of the challenges. New companies such as Abra or Stellar are focusing on banking the unbanked and overcoming these hurdles through the blockchain.[19] The benefits and opportunities are not limited to the economic sphere but can radically change governments to form new models of democracies as well as the arts, giving power back to content creators rather than the centralized intermediaries.

    While the opportunities and possibilities of blockchain technology seem limitless, there are inherent risks and challenges as well. Some of the more apparent ones we are facing already are large consumptions of energy, government restrictions, and criminal use. There are technical hurdles impeding greater mass adoption, the fear of job loss, and a lack of a strong enough incentive to collaborate. The possibility of a Skynet where machines become fully autonomous is no longer that of science-fiction, but much more of a possible reality.[20]

    The Tapscotts acknowledge that “[the] debate over technological innovation and progress is an ancient one: Is the tool good or bad? Does it advance the human condition or degrade it?”[21] They conclude that “[technology] does not have agency. It does not want for anything or have an inclination one way or the other.” Rather, the harmful use of any technology “speaks more to the lack of strong governance, regulation, advocacy, and education than to its underlying virtues.”[22] Therefore, Don and Alex Tapscott are calling forth leaders from all industries—governments, venture capitalists, developers, academics, nongovernment organizations—to form what they call global solution networks (GSNs).[23] These GSNs are not controlled by states or state-based institutions, but involve a plurality of stakeholders, working together on and with blockchain, “pushing us inexorably into a new era, predicated on openness, merit, decentralization, and global participation.”[24]

    A Theological Reflection

    Blockchain Revolution contains bold implications and bright promises for the future. It is undeniable how revolutionary the technology is and while the authors do introduce some precautions to take, there may be even greater unintended consequences society ought to embrace for. It is apparent that in the call for global stakeholders to participate in the formation of the new world order, there is no mention for religious leaders or philosophers to contribute, which is not surprising at all. While there have been cases made that scientific experimentation and technological innovation birth from a Judeo-Christian principle and accelerated even more so from the Protestant Reformation, it is clear that society has moved on well passed these older premises. Regarding technological innovation, Professor of History and Economics, David Landes states, “Success bred imitation and emulation; also a sense of power that would in the long run raise men almost to the level of gods.”[25] Lewis Mumford corroborates this point in saying, “Mechanics became the new religion, and it gave to the world a new Messiah: the machine.”[26] What motivated the development of new technologies in the past and continues to do so today is the close link with economic profit.[27] The early conversations of bitcoin and blockchain revolved around tech geeks or the dark web; however, once Wall Street developed a universally positive opinion of blockchain and its role in finance in 2015, did the rest of the world begin to take interest.[28]

    Why this is concerning is not because there is a need to refer back to a metaphysical or religious explanation, but because of the tremendous insight previous philosophers and religious thinkers provided in the direction of technology.[29] While Don and Alex Tapscott do make a point about technology’s lack of agency in regards to the negative use of it by humans, they are making a critical flaw in treating blockchain as a neutral agent. Twentieth-century philosopher, Martin Heidegger argues, “we are delivered over to [technology] in the worst possible way when we regard it as something neutral; for this conception of it, to which today we particularly like to do homage, makes us utterly blind to the essence of technology.”[30] Joe Lubin’s perspective on the evolution of machine intelligence and his claim that it would “occupy a different ecological niche” is limited when considered against Neil Postman’s argument that “[technological change] is ecological… One significant change generates total change… Therefore, when an old technology is assaulted by a new one, institutions are threatened. When institutions are threatened, a culture finds itself in crisis.”[31] While there have been technological innovations that disrupted societies throughout the centuries, there has been none to the scale of blockchain technology. Adding further complication to this matter is the effect technology has on one’s consciousness, as discussed by sociologist and theologian, Peter Berger. Technological production is not just limited to those who are directly involved in the industry, but it has formed the consciousness of modern society affecting the way we view the world, one another, and even ourselves.[32]

    The conundrum of blockchain technology and the new age it is ushering in is that it has been long awaited for by the technological wave unleashed centuries before. It is the capstone of all innovations prior, “utilizing the machine to make the world more perfect: the machine was the substitute for… the Christian ideals of grace and redemption.”[33] All the inventions of the past along with the cultural transformations that took place surrounding it “had at last formed a complex social and ideological network, capable of supporting the vast weight of the machine and extending its operations still further.”[34] This is seen with the possibility of connecting the IoT through the distributed network, allowing for autonomous agents to communicate and transact with one another, greatly improving efficiency, speed, and costs. The blockchain is also the epitome of the network described by Francis Fukuyama in his 1998 work, The Great Disruption.[35] Fukuyama was already aware twenty years prior that “there has been substantial pressure to decentralize, federalize, privatize, and delegate authority.”[36] He writes, “If we understand a network not as a type of formal organization, but as social capital, we will have much better insight into what a network’s economic function really is. By this view, a network is a moral relationship of trust.”[37] Fukuyama understood that “it is hard to turn ideas into wealth in the absence of social connectedness, which in the age of the Internet still requires something more than bandwidth and high-speed connectivity.”[38] The decentralized, privatized, delegated authority that functions based on social capital eliminating the need for trust, fulfilling what the Internet age has lacked, this very something is the blockchain.

    The blockchain revolution in this sense has even bigger implications than what Don and Alex Tapscott propose. It is not just a new technological invention to allow peer-to-peer transactions, but with its disruption of institutions, it will disrupt cultures and consciousness on a global scale as never seen before. The possibilities of new technologies forming with and through the blockchain is no longer science-fiction. Amidst this revolution, is ironically the fate of Christian religion, which debatably gave birth to this behemoth. While it is tempting to retreat to some form of romanticism and recover the past, 20th century German Catholic priest, Romano Guardini would suggest one ought to fully understand, acknowledge, and accept this new world.[39] French philosopher and lay theologian, Jacques Ellul, takes this concept even further claiming that “[Christians] must not weaken the opposition that exists between the Christian faith, the claims of revelation, and life in the world and its demands, its faults, and its compromises.”[40] He calls for the critical position of the laymen, essential to both the church and the world, who “ought to place himself at the point of contact between two currents: the will of the Lord, and the will of the world.”[41] “Thus it is not for us to construct the City of God, to build up an ‘order of God’ within this world, without taking any notice of its suicidal tendencies. Our concern should be to place ourselves at the very point where this suicidal desire is most active, in the actual form it adopts, and to see how God’s will of preservation can act in this given situation.”[42]

    While the Christian claims that it is only through Jesus we will know the truth, and the truth will set us free,[43] there is a direct contender to this truth, the Trust Protocol. It would be foolish to dismiss blockchain technology despite its suicidal tendencies, even from a Christian perspective. The possibilities of connecting the Global South and reaching diasporas is unprecedented with blockchain technology, a relevant concern for missiology and the church. The benefits of distributing wealth and economic inclusion for the billions of people in extreme poverty as well as uplifting those in corrupt governments should be celebrated by Christians. It is a critical opportunity to be in the middle of this disruption to not only provide social and economic relief, but to provide a transcendent meaning as well. Perhaps the attitude is not to be overtly against this new era, despite its many alarming signs, but to be God’s salt, light, and sheep amongst wolves where it seems most needed.[44] It seems the world will continue along its path without inviting religious leaders and thinkers a seat at the table and perhaps rightfully so because their discourse is becoming more irrelevant. However, this may be a call for the lay leaders to walk outside the comforting walls of churches and old traditions and engage with the wolves of this world. “Of course [a Christian] can always immerse himself in good works and pour out his energy in religious or social activities, but all this will have no meaning unless he is fulfilling the only mission with which he has been charged by Jesus Christ, which is first of all to be a sign.”[45]

    Debates about the value of bitcoin have been longstanding and ongoing, with predictions of its monetary value increasing well over $20000 in 2018. What is less debatable is the inherent value and the simultaneous disruption of value itself blockchain will have in the near future. The impact this technology will make will affect all verticals, all industries, including the church. Heidegger describes the essence of technology as enframing, a challenging forth, a revealing,[46] which blockchain will do first and foremost in the financial sector, along with governments and nongovernmental organizations, music artists and videographers, developers and coders, networks and individual consciousness, and the local and global church. “Human activity can never directly counter this danger. Human achievement alone can never banish it. But human reflection can ponder the fact that an all saving power must be of a higher essence than what is endangered, though at the same time kindred to it.”[47]

    This is the time when a collective effort is needed to reflect on the implications the blockchain revolution will have on the world. While there is a call for global leaders to collaborate, how will the global church respond to such a massive paradigm shift? Will the church continue to operate as siloed, centralized institutions amidst a changing landscape? Will global Christians be able to find consensus and be on the frontiers of great disruption? Or will Christians become largely irrelevant as the religion of the machine reigns?

    The blockchain revolution has only begun.

    [1] Marco Santori, “Silk Road Goes Dark: Bitcoin Survives Its Biggest Market’s Demise,” accessed April 9, 2018. https://www.coindesk.com/bitcoin-milestones-silk-road-goes-dark-bitcoin-survives-its-biggest-markets-demise/.

    [2] Based on coinmarketcap.com.

    [3] Don Tapscott and Alex Tapscott, Blockchain Revolution: How the Technology Behind Bitcoin Is Changing Money, Business, and the World (New York: Portfolio, 2016).

    [4] Fitz Tepper, “SEC warns against public companies adding blockchain to their name,” accessed April 9, 2018. https://techcrunch.com/2018/01/25/sec-warns-against-public-companies-adding-blockchain-to-their-name/.

    [5] Satoshi Nakamoto, “Bitcoin: A Peer-to-Peer Electronic Cash System,” accessed April 9, 2018. https://bitcoin.org/en/bitcoin-paper.

    [6] Tapscott, 6.

    [7] Ibid., 5.

    [8] Ibid., 7.

    [9] Ibid., 55, 67.

    [10] Tapscott, 58–60.

    [11] Ibid., 60.

    [12] Ibid., 86.

    [13] Ethereum is a decentralized platform that runs smart contracts: applications that run exactly as programmed without any possibility of downtime, censorship, fraud or third-party interference. See www.ethereum.org.

    [14] Tapscott, 88.

    [15] Ibid., 91.

    [16] Tapscott, 89.

    [17] Ibid., 154.

    [18] Ibid., 174.

    [19] See www.abra.com and www.stellar.org.

    [20] Tapscott, 253–76.

    [21] Ibid., 277.

    [22] Ibid., 276.

    [23] Ibid., 283–300.

    [24] Ibid., 310.

    [25] David S. Landes, The Wealth and Poverty of Nations: Why Some Are So Rich and Some So Poor (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 1999), 59.

    [26] Lewis Mumford, Technics and Civilization (New York: Harcourt, Brace and Company, 1934), 45.

    [27] Ibid., 26.

    [28] Tapscott, 66.

    [29] Martin Heidegger, The Question Concerning Technology and Other Essays (New York: Harper & Row, 1977).

    [30] Heidegger, 4.

    [31] Neil Postman, Technopoly: The Surrender of Culture to Technology, (New York: Vintage, 1993), 18.

    [32] Peter L. Berger, The Homeless Mind: Modernization and Consciousness (New York: Vintage, 1974).

    [33] Mumford, 58.

    [34] Mumford, 59.

    [35] Francis Fukuyama, The Great Disruption: Human Nature and the Reconstitution of Social Order (New York: Free Press, 2000).

    [36] Ibid., 195.

    [37] Ibid., 199.

    [38] Ibid., 211.

    [39] Romano Guardini, Letters from Lake Como: Explorations in Technology and the Human Race, trans Geoffrey W. Bromiley (Grand Rapids: W.B. Eerdmans, 1994).

    [40] Jacques Ellul, The Presence of the Kingdom (New York: Seabury Press, 1967), 16.

    [41] Ellul, 20, 27.

    [42] Ibid., 28.

    [43] John 8:32 [ESV]

    [44] Ellul, 9.

    [45] Ibid., 12.

    [46] Heidegger, 12, 14, 20.

    [47] Ibid., 33–34.

  • Technology’s Fingerprint on Christian Thought and Culture

    A glance at the news and our surroundings will undeniably speak of how much technology[1] has become a central focus and part of people’s lives. The growth of the digital footprint over the past two decades alone has been exponential and shows no sign of stopping. While there have been numerous benefits of technology, society is beginning to experience some of the adverse consequences and is now being challenged with difficult questions such as the negative effects of social media. While it is easier to identify certain effects of technology, particularly those directly associated with the field or product, it is more difficult to be aware of how it influences and shapes our thinking.

    This paper will focus on how much technology’s influence on human consciousness consequentially impacts Christian thought and culture.[2] I will be painting broad strokes across multiple areas with the intent to bring awareness. This brief exploration will not discuss the positive impacts of technology for the church and broader culture, while I do acknowledge them. Nor is it to prove or voice a pro- or anti-technology stance, but rather to state the current condition of Christian thinking and perhaps reevaluate how to consciously think ahead.

    In order to claim that Christian thought and culture have been compromised, it is imperative to understand the effects of technology at the level of consciousness as well as knowing its ideology. First, regarding the effects of technology at the level of consciousness, Peter Berger best demonstrates this by examining the “essential concomitants of technological production” and how it shapes the “everyday consciousness of ordinary people engaged in [it].”[3] There is an organization of knowledge intrinsic to technological production. Workers possess a specific knowledge in relation to a much larger pool of scientific and technical knowledge, which creates a hierarchy of experts.[4] This work knowledge is unique in content as well as in style, which consists of mechanisticity, reproducibility, and measurability.[5] There is a cognitive style intrinsic to technological production, with its main features being componentiality and the assumption of maximalization.[6] These features and their impact will be expounded upon later. The key takeaway that Berger argues is that it will be “very difficult to ‘think away’ these elements while assuming that technological production will continue.”[7] The result is that this unique technological consciousness bleeds into the majority of the population. “For better or for worse, it is not necessary to be engaged in technological work in order to think technologically.”[8]

    Second, an ideology of machines has emerged in the technologically dominated culture. Neil Postman defines an “ideology as a set of assumptions which we are barely conscious but which nonetheless directs our efforts to give shape and coherence to the world.”[9] One assumption of technology is that it “[eliminates] complexity, doubt, and ambiguity,” which can result in a lack of intellectual struggle for the ordinary thinker.[10] A consequence particular to the field of medicine is that medical technology has dissociated the disease from the patient and thus created a hierarchy where the “objective” technology is more reliable than the subjective patient.[11] In other words, the ideology of technology is that it is more trustworthy. Another unique assumption of technology is its ability to think, or more popularly known as artificial intelligence. When society continues to use and depend on artificial intelligence and unknowingly acknowledge a technology’s possession of beliefs, we reject the “view that humans have internal states of mind that are the foundation of belief and [argue] instead that ‘belief’ means only what someone or something does.”[12] Highlighting this ideology of technology may provide further clarity to its impact on Christian thought and culture.

    With the above foundation in mind, we can now assess the impact this technological thinking and ideology has on Christian thought and culture. The organization of knowledge intrinsic to technological production impacts Christian thinking by disrupting the oneness of body. While there are some similarities between the hierarchy of experts within an institution and a Christian body,[13] the mechanical and reproducible nature of technological production can make one feel replaceable and dispensable. This is in direct contrast to Apostle Paul’s instruction, “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you,’ … On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are dispensable.”[14] While the irony may seem that the Corinthian church struggled with this issue before the technologically dominated world, it is only enhanced in today’s worldview. When Christians are constantly influenced by technological thinking whether in their workplace or subconsciously with the use of technology, it is ever more difficult to properly view Jesus’ definition of his body. With globalization ever increasing, this type of thinking not only affects the microcosm of a local body, but on a macroscale as well where each church may view others as dispensable, measuring success with false proxies such as attendance and finances.[15]

    Closely related to this aspect is componentiality, i.e. “the components of reality are self-contained units which can be brought into relation with other such units—that is, reality is not conceived as an ongoing flux of juncture and disjuncture of unique entities.”[16] One major consequence is the “segregation of work from private life.”[17] While this occurs at an institutional level and thus a common prerogative for those seeking a job is a good work-life balance, this type of consciousness has impacted Christian thinking reflected in the Sunday-Monday gap.[18] There is a clear struggle for many Christians to connect their faith and work, and thus there is a lot of focus on redeeming one’s vocation, faith and work movements, or business as missions. The point here is componentiality has made its impact and now Christians are forced to respond to the consequences.

    Another aspect of componentiality reveals itself through anonymous social relations. Berger argues that there is “an intrinsic requirement of technological production that those who participate in it define each other as anonymous functionaries.”[19] This has broad implications affecting the way people relate to one another and even one’s own identity. The componentiality of self and others leads to a human engineering of self, others, and emotions.[20] While the immediate effects of this can be seen in local Christian communities, how this affects the global relation amongst Christians is yet to be seen. The universal church is no longer an abstract idea forced into anonymity, but different denominations, branches, and schools of thought may be forced to view each other as concrete persons. Or, the global church will exhibit the same symptoms as the rest of the technological world.

    Componentiality also affects the way we relate to Christianity. The 2002 National Survey of Youth and Religion (NSYR) discovered that “while most U.S. teenagers feel generally positive toward religion, [it] is not a big deal to them.” “Other social and cultural forces (therapeutic individualism, mass-consumer capitalism, the digital communications revolution)” compete for and take priority even within Christian culture.[21] From an early age, the compartmentalization of Christianity versus extracurricular activities, friends, and school take place. In other words, Christianity is just another component of one’s life, rather than something that defines it entirely.

    On a related note, componentiality affects Christian teaching and learning. The NSYR found that “the single most important influence on the religious and spiritual lives of adolescents is their parents.”[22] However, how often do we find parents leaving spiritual formation and guidance to youth directors and mentors, albeit being influential? Thus, this creates a mechanistic way of looking for those with the best knowledge to guide and teach. One step further, there is a clear distinction in teaching and learning at higher-degree institutions verse the formation and teaching within a community. It seems that advanced theological learning takes place at an institution and afterwards those with specialized knowledge are plugged into different “systems,” operating as components within a larger system that can be reproduced, measured, and replaced.

    The second feature of the cognitive style in technological production is the assumption of maximalization. More simply put in contemporary language: bigger, better, faster. The way this shapes Christian thinking is more apparent than componentiality: bigger churches is synonymous with success, an overemphasis on better strategies and improving programs and methods of reaching out, and especially with the instant-gratification culture, expecting faster prayers, discipleship, and community. A unique element of this feature is multi-relationality, which poses a “constant threat in the situation of meaninglessness, disidentification, and the experiences of anomie,” which only adds fuel to what has already been discussed.[23]

    The ideology of technology further complicates this current mentality. The main aspect that is being threatened is trust. As demonstrated with medical technology, medicine is now “about disease, not the patient. And, what the patient knows is untrustworthy; what the machine knows is reliable.”[24] Jacob Bronowski challengingly asks, “how are we to choose between what we have been taught to think right and something else which manifestly succeeds?”[25] For contemporary Christians, when someone is sick, are our instincts to pray and ask God for healing or is it to turn to ‘reliable’ medicine and examinations? The danger here is that this ideology is breeding less critical, intellectual reflection on these matters. There is a belief forming in this ideology that is secretly competing within Christian thought without many being aware of its dangers. While Jesus warned his followers that no one can serve two masters contrasting that with a more tangible mammon, the ideology of technology is largely invisible to most Christian thinking.[26]

    While more can be discussed regarding the consequential effects of technological thinking upon Christians, equally important is to look ahead and be prepared. As stated earlier, it will be difficult to simply shift one’s frame of mind, however, we can be more aware and better prepared moving forward. Postman suggests a revamping of education so we can understand how technology is affecting our society and psyche, so that more informed conversations can happen surrounding it.[27] Romano Guardini also agrees for a deeper, richer education, yet goes further and suggests that an entirely new approach, thought, inwardness, and freedom is required to combat the chaos of the world.[28] The old worldviews nor a romanticism for the past will suffice, “but a living adumbration of what is coming.”[29] New technologies are being developed at incessant rates, which will continue to feed into the technological thinking and ideology. The task for the Christian is no longer to ponder about elusive concerns, but to wake up to the current condition of this world and provide direction moving forward. “When a method of doing things becomes so deeply associated with an institution that we no longer know which came first – the method or the institution – then it is difficult to change the institution or even imagine alternative methods for achieving its purposes.”[30] “Will we come to God from the depths of our being, link ourselves to him, and in his freedom and power master chaos in this coming age?”[31] Or will we continue in the patterns covertly dictated by technology?

    [1] Technology is used here and most commonly understood as modern or digital technology. While there are extensive works on how to define technology, I will be using the word in an all-encompassing manner, with a leaning towards modern technology.

    [2] Although narrow focused, I will speak about what I am most familiar with, i.e. a modern Western Christian thought and culture.

    [3] Peter Berger, Brigitte Berger, and Hansfried Kellner, The Homeless Mind: Modernization and Consciousness (New York: Vintage, 1974), 23.

    [4] Berger, 25.

    [5] Ibid., 26.

    [6] Ibid., 27, 36.

    [7] Ibid., 39.

    [8] Ibid., 40.

    [9] Neil Postman, Technopoly: The Surrender of Culture to Technology (New York: Vintage, 1993), 123.

    [10] Ibid., 93.

    [11] Ibid., 100.

    [12] Postman, 112.

    [13] 1 Cor 12:20 (ESV).

    [14] 1 Cor 12:21-22.

    [15] The idea of a false proxy was taken from, Dave DeVries “Measuring Success in Your Church,” Missional Challenge, accessed March 5, 2018. https://www.missionalchallenge.com/measuring-success-in-your-church/.

    [16] Berger, 27.

    [17] Ibid., 29.

    [18] Princeton University Faith and Work Initiative, “Sunday-Monday Gap Research Projects,” accessed March 5, 2018. https://faithandwork.princeton.edu/research/sunday-monday-gap.

    [19] Berger, 31.

    [20] Ibid., 34-35.

    [21] Kenda Creasy Dean, Almost Christian: What the Faith of Our Teenagers Is Telling the American Church (New York: Oxford University Press, 2010), 202, 205.

    [22] Ibid., 203.

    [23] Berger, 37.

    [24] Postman, 100.

    [25] John G. Burke, The New Technology and Human Values (Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Pub. Co., 1966), 33.

    [26] Mat 6:24

    [27] Postman, 198.

    [28] Romano Guardini, Letters from Lake Como: Explorations in Technology and the Human Race, trans. Geoffrey W. Bromiley (Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans, 1994), 83.

    [29] Ibid., 91.

    [30] Postman, 143.

    [31] Guardini, 95.

  • Minimalism: Key to Success of the Early Church

    There has been a recent reawakening of an interest towards minimalism. This can be seen by scouring Netflix documentaries such Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things or Small Is Beautiful: A Tiny House. Tech leader Apple, Inc. paved the way for flat design, an interface incorporating a minimalist style, which is now standard practice for websites and applications. Running has adopted this theme with new design for minimalist sneakers, spearheaded by Christopher McDougall in his 2011 book, Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen. From physical houses to digital designs, this reversion to minimalism perhaps is speaking of a greater desire, that society is searching for a purer, simpler form of its interests. The simplicity of minimalism gives way to an unadulterated version of the subject.

    When looking at modern-day churches, particularly in the Western world, perhaps the church can learn and adopt some of these practices. A brief study of the early church may help recover the identity of the modern-day church and its purpose. Minimalism may be the key next step for the church to continue its ongoing mission, to be a witness to the end of the earth.[1]

    As contextualization is key, it is important to paint a picture of the first few centuries the early church existed. Three factors influencing this period would be the socioeconomic condition, persecution, and religious syncretism. The early church was born in a time of relative peace and connectedness. The “Roman law and Hellenistic culture comprised the context in which the early church took shape.”[2] Trade routes and developed roads allowed the early Christians to travel more easily and thus could have aided in the spread of the gospel of Jesus Christ. This time of peace is quickly overridden by a series of persecutions beginning with Nero in the late first-century to the Great Persecution in the late third to early fourth-century. Martyrdom was common and exemplified by men like Ignatius of Antioch and Justin Martyr. Interestingly, martyr is the Greek word for witness and it is perhaps in this kind of spirit that these early Christians gave their lives for the testimony of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. This is, however, outside the scope of this paper. The imperial unity brought forth by the Roman Empire also came with challenges, one being syncretism (i.e. “the indiscriminate mixing of elements from various religions and emperor worship”[3]). With the conquest of different lands and the discovery of a plurality of gods, it was important to merge these religions to keep a relative peace. This came as a challenge to the message of Jesus as the one and only true God.

    With the backdrop of historical context in place, it is now easier to picture the early church’s gathering, purpose, and structure. The early church gathering mainly consisted of those who believed. Following Peter’s sermon at Pentecost and baptism, is the first example of a gathering of believers. This church primarily consisted of Jewish Christians, but soon after did Gentile Christians become the dominant demographic. The Hellenized Jews and Greeks who came to faith caused divisions in the early church, an issue Apostle Paul was forced to address in his epistles.[4] The distinction between the church and the general gathering is further enhanced by the rise of the catechumenate, where two services were issued, one of the Word and one of the table.[5] Despite the differences, the gathering of the church was meant for a body of believers and less focus was given on the church and its existence for nonbelievers. This singular focus may have simplified the decision on where to gather as well.

    The late 20th and early 21st century gave rise to a reawakening of the house-church movement. An article from Ministry Today in 2000 gives four reasons in support of this movement, reclaiming the New Testament church found in Acts.[6] “And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts.”[7] This return to the “original church” has been questioned by Edward Adams in The Earliest Christian Meeting Places: Almost Exclusively Houses?. By examining scriptural, literary, and archaeological evidences, Adams concludes that “while there is indeed good evidence for houses as Christian meeting places in the first two centuries, it is not as extensive or exclusive as usually thought.”[8] Through the methodology of availability, analogous use, adequacy, and advantage, Adams identifies other possibilities of meeting places such as the taberna, meaning shop or workshop.[9]These retail spaces were a very likely meeting place considering it was “the most ubiquitous and dominant urban architectural form”[10] and were places where “private worship and intellectual/didactic activity” were conducted.[11] The location of where the early church gathered begs modern Christians to question the rationale behind meeting at designated places of worship, requiring zoning applications, massive fundraising, and stark intrusion into communities. Whether at homes, tabernas, public spaces such as inns or catacombs, it seems less important about where the church gathered. These early Christians perhaps are the earliest examples of the spirit of entrepreneurship and innovation for the sake of the gospel.

    Regardless of location, it was more important to gather frequently. “Let your assembling together be of frequent occurrence: seek after all by name,” wrote Ignatius to his disciple Polycarp.[12] The author of Hebrews exhorts his readers as well: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some.”[13] Justin Martyr also defends the Christian faith acknowledging the gathering on Sundays in his First Apology.[14]

    Most important to the identity of the early church was the purpose of their gathering. Central to this would be a close look again at the first gathering of believers:

    “And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. … And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, … praising God and having favor with all the people.”[15]

    It would be foolish to cover the depths of this passage and the ensuing meaning of sacramental theology, but as minimalism requires a purity and simplification, it is evident that the believers focused on: 1) teaching, in context of the resurrection of Jesus Christ; 2) fellowship, consisting of the Eucharist, meals at homes, and prayer; 3) selling possessions and distributing to other’s needs; and 4) praising God. Justin Martyr confirms this type of gathering in the second-century, where believers gathered, the reader read from apostles’ memoirs and writings, prayer was said, bread and wine presented, and a distribution took place.[16] An important aspect of this gathering or what modern Christians may call worship, is that “in the New Testament there is no essential distinction between worship and life: man’s existence is not split into two areas, one where Christ is honoured and the other where man is more or less independent.”[17] J.G. Davies then explains why cultic acts were engaged in, particularly manifesting in baptism and the Eucharist.[18] When examining what modern churches are now responsible for, it may be worth considering what is essential to a gathering of believers, and what are “extra-ecclesial”.[19]

    As the gathering of believers continued to grow, there arose a need for structure. The second century quickly brought about a need for ordained ministry, consisting of bishops, presbyters, and deacons.[20] The early church fathers gave further insight to this new order, some holding extremely high views of the positions. Ignatius wrote in his epistle to the Smyrnaeans an order boiling down to the laity being subject to the deacons, whom to the presbyters, whom to the bishops, whom to Jesus, whom to God.[21] Ignatius also holds the view that Caesar be obedient to the bishop, as demonstrated in his Epistle to the Philadelphians.[22] Disregarding the issues concerning two- or three-tier hierarchies,[23] or what the exact meaning of building the church on Peter means,[24] there is a clear role of leadership. With the church’s gradual rise, did “the movement to transform function into office [proceed]” and gave way to a graded hierarchy.[25] Eventually, responsibilities grew outside the religious spheres to include civil matters. When studying the instructions to an elder or deacon, it is interesting to note that there is less emphasis on administrative duties, but more on character.[26] It is also revealing that in the early inception of this order, there were those “[engaged] in sedition against its presbyters” as Clement warned in his first epistle.[27]

    While this overview of the early church may be a grotesque oversimplification of the matter, there are some significant nuggets to discover. While the Greco-Roman world may seem alien to the 21st century Christian, the socioeconomic context may not be too far different. The advancement of Rome through roads and trade routes providing a greater access to their world could be seen similar to the ease of international travel today, which only took place in the past century. One step further is the advancement of the Internet in the past few decades, which continues to evolve and connect the world. In addition, although the modern world does not have an emperor issuing syncretism, its spirit still exists in the form of bumper stickers proclaiming, “COEXIST”[28] and new forms of universalism. The church now exists in this cultural, global context. And there has been a push for more church-planting efforts, as it is the “most effective evangelistic methodology known under heaven.”[29]

    Without having to reinvent any wheels and to stand upon the shoulders of the greats, perhaps an ongoing study of what churches ought to look like in the modern age is of equal importance to the actual planting itself. The brief look of the early church highlights some key points where the church was first and foremost a gathering of believers. The evangelism taking place may not have primarily happened in or at the gathering on Sundays, but perhaps in the tabernas and more common social circles the early believers engaged. Also, where they gathered is equally important as planting a church does not need to be confined to a church building, but more importantly is the frequent gathering and the purpose: to study the gospel of Jesus Christ, to have fellowship with other believers, to distribute needs, and to praise God. Lastly, as any initial gathering grows into an organization, structure is important, but perhaps more emphasis on character and heart would lead to a greater administration, rather than prioritizing the latter.[30]

    The minimalism of the early church holds much value to the ongoing discussion of what it means individually and corporately to be a witness of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. This paper focused more heavily on the model of the church, but there may be more to discover even in terms of purifying the content of the teaching, simplifying the fellowship, and even the various expressions of praise. Davies describes Christian belief in the Church as Christological and Pneumatological. He states, “Hence the ‘double polarity’ of the Church: it is the Temple of the Presence; it is the Body of Christ; it is the Bride of Christ – yet the Temple has still to be built together, the Body has still to be built up, the Bride has still become wholly one with her divine Bridegroom.”[31] Irenaeus also states, “For the Churches which have been planted in Germany do not believe or hand down anything different, nor do those in Spain, nor those in Gaul, nor those in the East, nor those in Egypt, nor those in Libya, nor those which have been established in the central regions of the world.”[32] It is in this spirit that minimalism of the church ought to be examined, that the Church in all its essences continue to be built up and that the global church, a reality now compared to Irenaeus’ imagination, believe in unity, the same faith and Lord Jesus Christ.

    [1] Acts 1:8 (ESV)

    [2] Justo L. González, The Story of Christianity Volume 1: The Early Church to the Dawn of the Reformation (Broadway: HarperCollins, 2010), 19.

    [3] González, 20.

    [4] Rom 11; 1 Cor 1:10-17; Eph 2:11-22.

    [5] González, 35.

    [6] Jeffrey Henning, “Ministry Today: Serving and empowering church leaders,” accessed November 14, 2017. https://ministrytodaymag.com/index.php/ministry-today-archives/66-unorganized/720-the-growing-house-church-movement

    [7] Acts 2:46

    [8] Edward Adams, The Earliest Christian Meeting Places: Almost Exclusively Houses? (New York: Bloomsbury, 2016), 198.

    [9] Ibid., 138.

    [10] Ibid.

    [11] Ibid., 143.

    [12] Alexander Roberts, James Donaldson, eds., and A. Cleveland Coxe, The Ante-Nicene fathers: The writings of the fathers down to A.D. 325 (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1995), 94.

    [13] Heb 10:24-25a.

    [14] Roberts, 186.

    [15] Acts 2:42, 45, 46a, 47a.

    [16] Roberts, 186.

    [17] J.G. Davies, The Early Christian Church: A History of Its First Five Centuries (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1980), 57.

    [18] Ibid., 58.

    [19] A pun on extracurricular, meaning activities outside what ought to be essential to the church

    [20] Davies, 46.

    [21] Roberts, 90.

    [22] Ibid., 82.

    [23] David W. Bercot, ed., A Dictionary of Early Christian Beliefs: A Reference Guide to More Than 700 Topics Discussed by the Early Church Fathers (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1998), 155-157.

    [24] Mat 16:18.

    [25] Davies, 187.

    [26] 1 Tim 3:1-13.

    [27] Roberts, 18.

    [28] COEXIST is an image originally created by Piotr Mlodozeniec, made up of symbols of Judaism, Christianity and Islam

    [29] Peter Wagner, Strategies for Growth (Glendale: Regal, 1987), 168.

    [30] More exploration on the “free church” can be explored here: Everett Ferguson, The Early Church and Today Volume 1: Ministry, Initiation, and Worship (Abilene: Abilene Christian University Press, 2012), 15-32.

    [31] Davies, 54-55.

    [32] Roberts, 331.

  • Personal Beliefs To Date

    Below is part of a summer internship application I submitted to get involved with a church I am now attending. I thought it would be cool to document my thoughts on these topics, highlighting what I’ve learned and acquired thus far, before starting school in the Fall, which would probably expand some of these thoughts and beliefs:

    = = =

    Gospel: The gospel is good news. The good news that Jesus Christ was sent to this fallen world, to love and die for sinners, not for the works or merits they have done or accomplished, but out of God’s amazing grace, to restore a rightful relationship that existed.

    Jesus: Jesus is the son of Joseph and Mary. Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus is a man who walked this earth over 2000 years ago, who spoke many parables, who demonstrated many miracles, and yet took time to pray to his heavenly Father. Jesus is the living God, who died and resurrected from the dead, proclaiming to the world that he is the savior of the world.

    Jesus is someone who I was told about since my youth, but I have not done my part to build this relationship. Only until recently, have I been rediscovering Jesus knocking at the door of my recalcitrant heart, and not just allowing him into my life, but desiring to deepen this new love.

    Sin: Sin was taught to me to be an immoral act, a socially unaccepted behavior, action, or habit. However, this was inconsistent as I continued to mature and experience different cultures, as there were external influences to what is socially unaccepted or immoral or even now unmoral.

    Sin was also taught to me as the act that separated man from God. Particularly that sin entered this world when Adam and Eve disobeyed God. This idea of headship and federalism is harder to understand and contextualize as a product of the individualistic culture I was raised in.

    As my relationship with God continues to grow and deepen, my understanding of sin continues to evolve (sometimes scarily), as God reveals to me beyond superficial behaviors and actions, deeper thoughts and heart postures, both personally and communally.

    Bible: The Bible was one of the hardest things to grasp as something spiritual. It was hard for me to accept the fact that the Bible was formed by a group of men, who decided the canonicity of the collection of books chosen. It was also hard for me to grasp the fact that it is deemed the infallible, inerrant, and inspired word of God. The Bible then has to be the authoritative Word of God.

    It wasn’t until an epiphany I had that my perspective began to change—let’s say there is concrete evidence of the infallibility, inerrancy, and inspiration of the chosen books of the Bible, would I still consider it authoritative over my life? There was a moment where my posture had to change towards the 66 books of the Bible, to not treat it any less significant than God and things that seemed more “spiritual” and intangible. I now read it with faith as my daily bread, with faith that God continues to speak into my life through the Word.

    Baptism: I’ve had the privilege of witnessing two very different baptisms in the past few months. One was in Japan, where it takes an estimated seven years for someone to be baptized. This individual had been attending a church for four years or so, and she finally committed her life to following Jesus Christ, and thus wanted to be baptized. There was only one baptism that day with a little sprinkling of water over the believer’s head.

    I also had the great opportunity to celebrate [ocean baptisms with a different church]. It was amazing to hear and see the many different testimonies all the individual’s shared. Each wanted to make the declaration to give their lives and follow Jesus Christ. It was quite a public spectacle with many onlookers.

    I, at a young age, was also dunked in water with the church I attended. I’m not sure how that signifies my baptism. Although my understanding of baptism is that it is one of two significant sacraments of the Christian faith, I’m not sure how much of it plays a significance in an individual’s life thereafter. Something I’m still learning.

    Christian: Christ-follower. Someone the world will persecute. Someone who is justified and sanctified. Hypocrite. Jesus-freak. Religious. Sunday church goer. Bigot. Marauder. Someone too holy, or not holy enough. Nice and moral person.

    I’m not sure what a Christian is. Sometimes I don’t like to label myself as a Christian, as I probably fit or have fit all of those terms above.

    My hope is that at the end of my days, God will know who I am. And God will determine if I have followed.

  • What Are We Celebrating?

    Three years into marriage and I can confidently say that I love my wife more than the day I met her, more than the day we celebrated the promise we made to one another before God and before others.

    However, our third year anniversary came at an odd time. It came during a season when others were struggling with their marriages, some to the point of divorce, others amid trials of adultery. Even writing the word now seems odd, and reflecting back on what seems like ages ago, the whole time period feels surreal.

    It was only a little over one year ago I wrote the piece, Confession: I should be on the Ashley Madison list. What was then a distant epiphany, a notional experience on adultery and its effect, I now am a primary witness of living out the harsh realities of hurting and broken marriages.

    The onslaught of emotions through this period was similar to the drowning wave felt when my wife and I experienced our miscarriage. Many tears were shed, there was heartache, confusion, anger, sorrow, yet there were also glimpses of hope. There were fleeting moments of confidence, relief, strength, courage, and oddly even peace.

    What is mind blowing is common reactions toward these offenses would be to immediately separate the victim from the offender (i.e. the one who is cheating on the other would clearly be at fault). Immediate reactions would be, “How could he or she do that to the other person?”

    Yet, what was so strange was this distinction between my immediate response—which was to crucify the one cheating—versus a deeper, inner voice recognizing the fact that there is more than one offender in this equation.

    It is moments like this that amazes me, that sheds light onto the reality of God, because only through the message of God’s amazing love, the forgiveness I receive despite my adulterous heart towards God, the patience and mercy of God, that I am even able to have this dichotomous reaction towards something like adultery. I also have been able to recognize God’s extreme anger and wrath towards transgressions such as this.

    Either that, or I am a fool beyond belief…

    I am at Fault

    One realization I had through this trial was, I am also at fault.

    Our culture loves to celebrate. We find reasons to celebrate even when there is no significant meaning. We love to gather together to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, even though we don’t know the history behind it nor have any Irish heritage. We love cheering drinks to Cinco de Mayo despite not having a single clue as to why the day exists. We celebrate new jobs, homes, promotions, and of course, relationships.

    It is a fact the tristate area has its own standard of celebration, particularly concerning weddings. Recent study shows dramatic increases in spend, focus on guest experiences, and overall a much greater emphasis on this one particular day. Even in my own circle and personal experience with planning our wedding further supports this fact.

    Everyone loves to celebrate this day, and rightly so for it is a momentous occasion. But I wonder, how many of the average 139 guests attending someone’s wedding, so eager to dance and party and hit up the open bar, so eager to take pictures of the beautiful bride in her elegant wedding dress, are also eager to be there for the couples when someone is deathly sick, when there are intense, hurtful fights, when their marriage is suffering, perhaps to the point of divorce?

    I am at fault because I don’t know how to respond to some of these trials. I am at fault because I’m willing to be the life of the party, yet I’ll shy away when I hear the whispers of brewing troubles between couples. I am at fault for some of my friends because I did not speak up sooner when I knew there were things to address.

    Yet—either out of fear for over stepping boundaries, or because I am, like the rest of this millennial generation, a coward to really get involved in other peoples’ lives—I did not speak up.

    My Hope

    So, what are we really celebrating? With ‘wedding season’ approaching, I am much more hesitant to treat the day so lightly. A part of me rather not go to some of these celebrations, because I rather not be held accountable for the weight of each of these new relationships and promises. I rather have a couple be upset at me for not attending their celebration, than making the promise to be with that couple through all the ups and downs of marriage and life.

    I can hear some people respond to this by saying, “Why do I put so much weight on myself? Why do I have this particular view of marriage and the wedding?” If that is the case, and weddings are just celebrations and marriages something just between two people, then I can see why people rather skip out on the ceremonies and go straight to the reception.

    Perhaps we are celebrating for the sake of celebrating, without knowing the deeper meaning behind the occasion, without much thought of what we are witnessing, what we are promising.

    My hope, my honest desire, is for the redemption of marriage. That the celebration of the wedding day, would be worthy of the ongoing celebrations to come, as well as the trials and sufferings, too. My hope is that couples would have the proper understanding of marriage, and that more marriages would shine the beautiful light of what it can and ought to be.

    Three years into marriage, most people would say it is past the honeymoon phase. I can truly say that I love my wife even more than our honeymoon phase, and I hope to keep doing so.

    Happy Anniversary my beloved wife…

  • Hungry

    Last summer, I had a rude awakening to not only how much weight I had gained, but how much bigger my fat cells grew, particularly around the waist and thighs. While on a family trip, all the shorts I previously owned did not fit and more alarmingly, I bought new shorts which were too tight but comfortably fit my father-in-law, who visually appeared to be rounder than me. I knew something had to change.

    Having done multiple workout regimens from endurance running, Insanity®, P90X®, HIIT, I knew I was able to do these workouts, yet as soon as “life got busy,” I quickly found myself gaining all the weight back that I had lost for the few weeks or months I was disciplined in keeping to those regimens. Not to blame marriage, but after getting married, it was definitely harder to keep to strict workout regimens, so I was on a search for a sustainable method to keep healthy. After two and a half years, I finally found the only thing that works is—portion control.

    Portion Control

    By changing dietary habits and being strict to how much I ate in a given meal, I found that not only did I quickly drop to a healthy weight, but have been able to maintain that weight over a few months. During this process, I would receive a lot of remarks concerning how little I was eating and that my meal was not enough food. When looking at the amount of food relative to how much I was previously eating, it certainly would seem that eating an apple and drinking a cup of tea for breakfast is certainly a lot less food than a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich on a whole wheat bagel.

    After a couple of months of portion controlling, I found that my body was able to sustain on much less amounts of food, and while being slightly hungry, I was not weakened by this state, but rather more alert, energetic, and perhaps both literally and figuratively, lighter.

    Though it seems paradoxical, I realized how freeing it is to control what and how much I eat, leading to much greater benefits in my life. It is a stark contrast to being in a constant state of food coma, resulting from eating too much quantity of poor quality food. Though at the moment, eating General Tso chicken with pork fried rice combo is super convenient and delicious, or housing down mouthwatering, buffalo chicken wings with super thick and creamy, lobster macaroni and cheese is certainly enjoyable, I’ve rarely felt a lasting satisfaction or joy after those meals. Rather, I would feel uncomfortably full and know something was awry in my digestive tract. And the challenge with eating whatever we want, whenever we want, is that eating foods high in salt, processed carbs, and whatever other ingredient most people can’t pronounce, is that it is difficult to control that lifestyle of eating. While it may seem freeing at the moment to eat whatever and whenever, the lasting consequences are so limiting on our physical health as well as our mental and emotional well-being.

    Life Coma

    This recent change in eating habit led me to see a similarity between food comas and “life comas”. Living in the tristate area of the US, I’m surrounded by much affluence, status, intellect, and what seems like full lives. However, when I observe individuals living their lives, when carefully listening to conversations about jobs, relationships, or family, I find that most of us in this area are unsatisfied, despite having access to so much.

    We have the ability to feast our lives with much to do, whether it be focusing on our careers, going to watch Broadway shows, searching for the new food craze, purchasing the next hypebeast sneaker, drinking the best craft beer, planning a vacation to the tropical islands, whatever it is, we have the resources and ability to do whatever we want. Yet, I find that many, including myself, to be bored easily, unsatisfied, feeling uncomfortably full just like when we eat too much and are in a food coma. I wonder, how many of us have life coma because we are filling our lives with such a great quantity of poor quality things and things to do.

    Though there are a lot of criticisms, reassessments, and ongoing studies about the correlation between happiness and money, both on individual and national levels, one thing for sure is that there is a plethora of data, articles, and opinions on this topic. There have been arguments and discussions regarding the Easterlin paradox, or the hedonic treadmill and adaptation. Recent documentaries such as Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things, Happy, or Living on One Dollar, have been creating a buzz around this topic. Without being an economist or psychologist, trying to discuss the differences between absolute and relative income and the effects or correlation to happiness, or different theories on the subjective perception on happiness and money, one thing I know for sure is that there is a consistent theme that there is something to discover about wealth, money, and its pursuit versus happiness, satisfaction, and the fulfillment of our lives.

    On a personal level, I can attest to the fact that there is indeed a “happiness benchmark” when it comes to household income. As both my wife and I have degrees that offer well paying jobs and possibilities of careers, we quickly found that for the sake of our early marriage, it was not worth making a dual income, approaching nearly $200,000, at the expense of the time we have had with one another. I can also attest to the fact that living in North Jersey, cost of living is extremely high and not making enough money to cover the necessities, such as housing, basic transportation, food, and a little bit of entertainment can also be a major point of stress and dissatisfaction. We’ve finally found the sweet spot with her working full-time at a place where she enjoys the work and the people, and for me to work part-time to have a little bit of extra income and a lot more time with my wife. After experimenting with different scenarios and adjusting our lifestyles to fit what we made, rather than fitting our paychecks to a certain perception of a lifestyle we may have believed we needed, three years into our marriage and we can both truly attest to the belief that more is not always better, or that not having enough can be a struggle.

    I’m finding that even as I take a look at the current possessions we own, how much of it do we truly need? Where is the line between our wants and our needs? I’ve personally found that stripping away certain things in my life such as social media, clothes, or a false sense of the need to be the primary provider for my household, or the desire to constantly please others at the expense of my own health, has brought me to a point of much greater freedom in my life. Yet, as I take further inventory, I’m wondering how much more unnecessary things or false sense of responsibilities I have that keep me in a constant state of life coma.

    Just like learning how to portion control what we eat and seeing the numerous benefits, I’m seeing a possible correlation with what we consume in our lives and its effects. Perhaps there is something to discover, similar to knowing what foods are healthier and when and how to stop overeating, that there is a sweet spot in life with what we consume and not to overfill with unhealthy, unnecessary things or responsibilities.

    As I reap the benefits of being hungry physically, I’m beginning to realize how much better could it be to have a hungry life, rather than what seems like a full life. And the irony is that how much more fulfilling it is to be hungry, rather than always being full.

  • Ashamed of My Father

    Looking back at my teenage years, it was such a simple time, yet I also cringe because of how narrow-minded my perspective was on life. Whether it be relationships, future, school, pleasures or struggles, it really is funny how much unnecessary weight we put on these things. It is funny how wise and grown up we think we are at that age.

    And what’s most cringe-worthy is the view many teenagers hold of their parents, especially me. I remember how embarrassed I was of my parents, the way they talked, dressed, and acted. I was envious of my non-Asian friends’ parents who were “hip and cool,” who seemed like they understood the culture, who bought their kids the nice clothes and neat gadgets. I was embarrassed of friends coming over because of what they might think of the smell of the house, while I had no problem when no one was around. I hated shopping because my mother would immediately go to the sale section. I would get self-conscious in public when speaking my parents’ native tongue, responding to them in English, even though when alone with them I would do otherwise.

    The stories are endless and it amazes me how they not only put up with me, but more so continue to pour out love to me to this day. I remember a time period in my life when I thought I was an adult, and that I no longer needed my parents. The hardened heart, the arrogance, the pride, it was so foolish! And even through that, my parents would still want to have a meal with me, would support me in my endeavors, would be there for me when deathly sick, when in need and in struggle.

    Finally when I was able to see through the muddled views and assumptions of my parents, when an ounce of maturity blossomed, I realized how amazing my parents truly are. The risk and sacrifice they made when moving to a foreign country, with no more than a few dollars in their pockets, without knowing a single word of English, with hopes to have better lives for themselves and their future children is something unfathomable to the wealthy children of middle class America. I have so much respect for them now as I discovered their unending pursuit in businesses, failing again and again, yet it really speaks of their entrepreneurial spirit, something the technological age is tapping into now. The amount of appreciation and gratitude was nonexistent when I was a child, because I was so self-focused, because I didn’t know who my parents were, because I so foolishly couldn’t see past the accent they had when speaking.

    Now, I love who they are and I am not ashamed of them. I can comfortably speak in their native tongue in public, I love the thick stench and smell of garlic and red pepper paste when walking into their home, I love buying clothes on sale and save a ton of money on something so fleeting, I love the different perspective they gave me for being bicultural, I love that they didn’t excessively spoil me and disciplined me when necessary, I love and am so proud of where they are in life and how much they accomplished. I could not have asked for better parents, despite the struggles growing up, despite the hiccups we have here and there presently, at the end of the day, there is nothing but gratitude, respect, admiration, and most importantly love.

    …

    Yet, there is something lurking in my heart, something tugging at my consciousness, something that does not sit well.

    There is someone whom I view with a lens similar to the perspective I had of my parents when I was a child, when I was immature, when I didn’t really know who they were in entirety—My Father.

    My Father who when we’re alone at home, I am so content with, so secure, so joyful, basking in His entire fragrance, yet when someone comes near, I get a little self-conscious of what they might think of the aroma. I get self-conscious when speaking to Him in public, yet I have no problem when it is just us. I sometimes get embarrassed of the different culture, I get self-aware when certain behaviors don’t match what the majority of people do. I hesitate to speak highly of My Father, I question the decisions and “parenting” style, thinking that I am a grown adult and that I know what’s best.

    I am still such a child, an arrogant teenager, a prideful, foolish young adult when it comes to knowing my Father in Heaven. Even as I write, it is a private matter between me and God. In my heart, I am aware of how good my Father in Heaven is, how God has demonstrated the characteristics and attributes of my parents even more so than they have. I know how God has not only put up with me, but pours out a love that is greater than that of my earthly parents. I know God doesn’t stop wanting to meet with me, have a meal with me, despite how many times I’ve turned away, how many times I’ve tried to hide God when in front of others. I know how many times God has been there for me when deathly sick, in my darkest days, when in times of greatest need. I know like a child, how much God loves me, yet I am ashamed. I am ashamed of my Father. I am ashamed of the gospel. I am afraid to shine the light. I am afraid of what others might think if I speak too boldly of my Father in Heaven. I am afraid of the weird looks I’ll get when others smell the different aroma, when others come across this different culture, despite knowing how much better it is to be not just bicultural, but knowing an entirely different realm of spiritual culture. It is foolishness, yet I still cower. It is not childlike, but just childish.

    As my heart breaks, I hope that even through this process, it is the similar ounce of maturity I experienced when realizing the amazingness of my earthly parents. I hope to rid myself of all childish notions and assumptions of my Father in Heaven. I hope I can understand in entirety the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for me, a sacrifice so much greater than my parents moving to this country. I hope that one day, I will be able to proclaim and testify,

    “… I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes…”

  • The Fragility (and Hope) of Life

    Where to even begin…

    I remember, what seems to be a distant past now, my wife and I talking about having a child. Young and naïve, yet we both “knew” that our time had come to start trying. After weighing out multiple factors, we both agreed that it would be best. More often than not, we heard how difficult it is to get pregnant and that it takes multiple attempts. Some, unfortunately, are unable to even have children. Yet for us, all it took was one try and two weeks later, we were both hovering over three pregnancy tests, just to make sure we were 100% certain.

    And what an onslaught of emotions and thoughts the news brought to us and all the close people around us. For many, it was joyous news. For others, a surprised yet distant congratulatory gesture. As for myself, despite agreeing with my wife to have a child, there was a mixture of emotions. Perhaps it was the brevity between discussing and conception? Perhaps it was a revelation into my heart’s honest desires? Over time, the confusion settled into acceptance and anticipation for an uprooting of what I currently knew as life. Although I was more distant from the child, other fathers assured me that it is “normal” for guys to be more distant than the mothers carrying this new and fragile life.

    Fragility

    I recently realized that I previously viewed life as a mere biological process. There is indeed a deeper intimacy when making love, but the process of creating life to me was male sperm, female egg, fusing together to make an embryo, housed in a mother’s womb, nurtured until the time of birth. Little did I know how fragile this life can be: the heartbeat seen at only seven weeks, a loud, rapid, thump heard and seen in the ultrasound; the development from an acorn into an avocado size fetus, with visible head, arms and legs, moving and pumping. These moments of seeing the actual baby was when my heart and mind jumped within, in amazement at how this life could be living, forming, and growing in my wife’s little tummy.

    Sixteen weeks in, we were hoping to find out the gender. However, the baby was an active one, squirming around, not giving us a chance to see clear results. Thus, we were informed we would have to wait until 20 weeks, knowing that the progress of growth was completely normal and on track. And then on July 25th, 2016, news more shocking than the first time my wife told me she was pregnant was shared with us.

    “I’m sorry to tell you this, but your baby did not make it.”

    Confusion. Shock. Sadness. Relief? Concern. Worry.

    The emotions and thoughts at that moment are… Unspeakable. It is one thing if there were complications ahead of time. It is one thing if it was in the first trimester when the probability is higher. It is one thing if you don’t post on Instagram a food belly sharing all the hope and anticipation of starting a family, only a couple weeks before finding out. Unspeakable.

    Yet over the coming weeks, we had to speak. We had to speak with family, who had a mixture of responses. Some were supportive, some were difficult. We had to speak with doctors and administrative assistants to figure out how to handle this fetal demise (FD), a term we became very acquainted with. We had to speak with each other, making sure we were doing alright, making sure, without really knowing, that everything will be alright.

    The next week after would have to be one of the most difficult times of my life. Not only did I have to bear the news of losing a child, but I had to see my precious wife go under, what should have been a simple one-day procedure, an intense recovery in the ICU. I had to manage family communications and temperature during this process. I had to make sure that my wife would believe that everything was okay, while masking the knowledge of reading clinical studies on the mortality rate of disseminated intravascular coagulopathy (DIC) for second trimester FD. What seemed like ages, was a mere handful of days. And the next couple weeks, managing the supportive community we had, managing the responses, all seemed like one big mind ****.

    The Real Fear…

    It was only a couple weeks ago, that all the thoughts and emotions, compartmentalized, repressed, began clearing air. And the deepest pain and fear that I faced finally surfaced. Yes, I did lose an unborn child, something I wish nobody would have to experience. However, I also faced watching the slightest possibility of losing the person closest to me, my wife. We were too young to be in an ICU, too young to be hooked up onto IV lines and receiving blood transfusions. It was too early in our marriage to be in this situation.

    This is a pain that I have never experienced before. And that goes after holding my father in my arms as he had a myocardial infarction, riding in an ambulance, seeing him intubated also in the ICU. It goes after rushing to the emergency department with my mother for her to receive a cervical neck surgery because there was a high probability for her to be paralyzed the neck down. It goes after any other broken relationship; it goes after all the let downs in life. It goes after nearly losing my own life.

    … And the Real Love

    When we talk about love, it is mostly in contexts of positive emotions, passion, warmth. Love is movie scenes and media we’ve drowned our subconscious minds in. However, I tasted a kind of love that I couldn’t even imagine. It is the love in the form of pain. It is love in the form of fear. Never have I loved someone so much, to feel a fraction of these kinds of emotions and thoughts. The fact that someone you love can be lost, when made a reality and forced into your hands, is something unparalleled.

    And that brings me somewhat full circle. It is not a great answer, and the recent events of my life will continue to remain a mystery to some degree. But the revelations, are undeniable.

    Life. Life is not something we own. Life is not something we can manufacture or control. Life is not simple. What I once believed was just biological, I now see how much of it is spiritual. I see how much of a correlation there is between the God I believe in being the Creator of life, and how much this living God is a part of each life. From the unborn and born child, to the healthy and near-death wife. It was hard to believe when I read in the Bible that God would open and close the wombs of individual women and even more so entire nations. Yet, this is still true to this day. There are countless women even in my own circle who must face this loss, who must face “miscarriages”. And the fact that it is even labeled a miscarriage shows our view on this loss of life. And it is more painful for our generation because we believe that we create life. We believe that it is in our control. We believe that living a long and healthy life in this affluent country is our will and our choice. Yet, all it takes is one hiccup, where what seemed like such a pleasant story, comes crashing down. God is the giver of life. To begin to even fathom how can God, one being, be the Creator of seven billion people just in this moment of history, not including the billions that came before, is unfathomable. Yet, it does not deny. It is not something to take for granted.

    Love. This epiphany only came while writing this piece—that the kind of love in pain is so expressly seen in the love of God and Christ. This love will always be a mystery, yet it is exciting as pieces of it are discovered. To know the love of God through pain, though I only tasted the possibility of the loss, I can’t imagine that pain if, God forbid, it would ever come to fruition. And what that pain would be is an indescribable fraction of the pain and loss that God and Christ had to endure. And this loss, we confess for the love of others, for the love of the body of Christ. I can’t daresay that I would ever sacrifice my wife’s life for the sake of someone else. That love, is unimaginable. That love is God. And to begin to think that I somewhat understand or comprehend this love? To begin to act that I know this love? There is no way in my human mind and experience, I can even taste a bit of that.

    Peace. There’s another biblical passage that speaks about peace, and it is the peace of God that transcends understanding. I’ve definitely tasted morsels of this peace in the past. Yet, this most recent trial gave me something really to chew on. This peace really confused me, which made the transcendental understanding even more real. Normally, I would have wanted to retaliate, curse God, deny and doubt God’s existence and goodness. I would have wanted to numb my thoughts and emotions by drowning myself in drunkenness. Yet, despite these desires being there, I knew that I didn’t want to resort to these reactions. In the back of my mind, I thought, “What’s the point?” When I know I’ll most likely return to the same place I started off at. And through it all, despite the minimal out lash, the numbing of my mind with movies and games, I knew there was a deeper peace even I was uncertain of. This made me realize that knowing God, yes it strips away some of the worldly pleasures and fun, but knowing God also strips away some of the deepest pains and hurts that most people would not be able to bear.

    Where to end…

    It has only been a few weeks, and my wife and I are certainly in a much better place. We are sure and have been warned that some of the biggest pain comes when everyone else around us seems to have returned to “normal” life, while there may be some lingering pains. However, we both have this peace that transcends understanding, I have my wife whom I love immensely, and we both have our lives right now.

    We are not sure what other trials will come our way. But one thing is for sure, is that I know how fleeting this life is. I know how short amount of time we both have. I know this life is not mine and that at any moment, it can be gone. With that, I want to live with even greater love. I want to live with even greater peace. I want to live the best life that I can, knowing it is nothing but a breath in the wind.

    There is hope. There is a lot of hope. There is hope because God is real. Without God, all of this would end as just an experience. Something to “make me stronger”. My unborn child will just be an unborn child and nothing more. My pains, the peace, and love, would be nothing more than hormonal and chemical reactions. Perhaps just coping mechanisms. My life, would be nothing more than an accident. But I believe in a living God. I believe that there is hope. There is a greater love. There is a greater end.

  • Disrupting Christianity

    It almost feels heretical to write something along this line of thought. How can we disrupt Christianity? How can we innovate something that is sacred, holy, and religious? I ask myself, “Why not?”

    This thought of disrupting Christianity became a new theme recently as I was praying. When the words slipped from my mouth, I was at first shocked and surprised. But after praying over this more, it became apparent that this concept has been brewing for quite some time.

    Early Faith

    The early beginning of my faith, what I once thought was unique and special to me, I now realize is a common story for many—grow up in the church, have a falling away, then begin the search to come back. However, being the extreme person that I am, I can say that I’ve experienced the polar opposites of this story—i.e., deeply involved in religious activities as a young leader to becoming a self-proclaimed atheist.

    And the comeback story, which I believe is still writing itself out, has been quite a journey as well. Initially, the story started out as a simple search for meaning. Meaning encompassed many different areas of life such as developing professional career, relationships with family and close friends, social outreach, and religion. Although I had the Christian background and upbringing, I knew it was empty and dry, thus I reasoned to search the Bible with the desire to discover for myself what meaning of life could be hidden in this book, which at that time was nothing more than a book. And as time passed, every other facet of life faded away and the only thing that remained was reading the Bible.

    That’s when the pursuit after a “real faith” began to take shape, and I forced myself to unlearn everything that was taught to me, and began to learn like a new born what, or rather who, God is. I had to deconstruct every aspect of faith and religion, going as far back as, “Is there even a god?” And as the faith and relationship continued to grow, I began asking, “Is Jesus Christ real? Do I truly believe that his death and resurrection is real? What does that relationship even look like?”

    Career Development

    During this ongoing search and pursuit, my seemingly non-spiritual compartment of life developed from working for a medical communication company to a tech startup in the music and events industry. What could have easily been contributed to exploring my career, I now see how every stage was preparing me for this new chapter of life. At my time in the corporate institution, I had to jump through hurdles in questioning why certain processes were done, as antiquated as they seemed. There was a natural push to innovate and change, to stay ahead of the curve, to be relevant and profitable in our industry. And at the tech startup, I learned what innovation looked like on a mass scale, through the company I was assisting to build as well as being exposed to the vast networks of entrepreneurship. And that’s where there was this common theme of disrupting what we know, changing the way we work, to either improve and build upon existing structures or tear it all down and build something new. We now see the effect of this disruption and innovation in almost every vertical—retail, housing, entertainment, transportation, even the rigid medical field.

    God’s Artistry

    What I first thought as leaving behind one phase of my life, I now see God’s artistry in weaving these two seemingly different paths—the explorative, questioning, innovating mind with the sacred, holy, introspective aspect of faith. It is clearer than ever that I can’t leave this “phase” behind because that’s who I am: I explore. I question. I challenge. I ask why.

    In the recent past, it has been difficult to ask questions. Though people struggle with faith and their Christianity, it’s still a nicely packaged struggle. Perhaps this is just in my own circle of influence. But nonetheless, Christianity as I know uses a very similar language and jargon to talk about faith. The struggles almost seem rehearsed. It was almost heretical to ask, “Is Jesus’ resurrection real and if so, how does that affect me?” An impossible act in our human reality, yet something Christians just so easily accept and grasp. Or these days, there’s an abundance of talking about reformed theology and seems like it is a growing elite, the Harvard way of thinking about Christianity, because other schools of thought are just not “right”. But what exactly is this reformed thinking? Is it something that I truly believe, or am I just mirroring and parroting what other spiritual leaders do and say?

    I wonder what kind of struggles John Calvin and Martin Luther went through when they challenged the traditional way of thinking in the 16th century, what kind of praises or criticism they faced. And now seeing years later how much the leaders of that time have positively impacted the understanding of Christianity today, I wonder, with a healthy fear, what new ways of approaching and seeing this gospel, can help me and possibly help others grow? How can we begin to talk about Christianity in new ways, new perspectives, global contexts, relevant to the ever so changing cultures of our time now?

    To think that I can be the next John Calvin would be far-fetched, nor am I desiring to pursue this path just to create another branch off the course in the evolution of Christianity. However, if I can be a small part of God’s story to help further advance the kingdom in fresh, new ways, that’s something worth pursuing. That’s something that I want formal training in, to be able to approach the Bible, now developing as the Word of God, to really be able to glean wisdom in new and deeper ways. I want to be a part of and work together with global leaders, whether in harmony or in struggle, pushing the boundaries of disrupting what seems like antiquated ways of ministry and approaches to faith.

    I hope this time at Regent will help foster me grow to be a deeper man of faith, to have a greater intimacy with Jesus Christ, and a greater fear of the Lord. I’m excited for this next chapter in my journey, I’m excited how my love relationship with God will continue to unfold the story of my life. I’m excited how I can disrupt Christianity.

  • A Medical Review of the Stagnant Life

    It has already been a couple of years since the inception of Enjoy the Process, and since its beginning, I’ve experienced so much in the short amount of time—new avenues of work and passions, new relationships, and new depths of faith.

    The journey has been amazing and there is not a moment that I regret. There were many gems hidden along the path and of course many hardships as well, but it is the sum of both these polar experiences that does not negate one another, but rather together is the greater product of the entire journey.

    And while traversing this path, most of the time the process has been a slow and steady growth, pursuing forward. Sometimes it was hectic and fast paced and you can only reflect after the fact. However, the common theme regardless of pace, is that there is an intentionality in moving forward, pursuing on, even in the times of “being still,” it is an active process of waiting and reflecting, rather than becoming stagnant.

    STAGNANCY

    The World Health Organization warns that stagnant or slow-flowing waters are prime breeding grounds for many insects, mainly mosquitos, which can transmit different diseases like dengue and malaria. It is evident in nature, that the most critical life-giving element of water, when stagnant can become a breeding ground for horrible life-sucking diseases. As nature is one of the best teachers, I definitely saw the parallels of the side effect of stagnant water and the stagnant life.

    Causes
    A stagnant life is hard to diagnosis, for it can seem like a forward-moving one. A stagnant life births when we lose the drive of living intentionally, when the life-giving flow ceases to exist. It can disguise itself as slow-flowing, which is subtly different than the active periods of waiting in life. Factors such as comforts, distractions, or illusions can cause this stagnancy.

    Comfort is commonly sought out by individuals, coming second after physiological needs in Maslow’s hierarchy. While there is some value of tending to our extrinsic needs, there is more than ample evidence that intrinsic values provide more happiness to most individuals. It is easy for many of us to get caught up with tending to our comforts, despite having so much of it already. There is a delusion that we do not have enough and eventually, it seems as if we are moving forward adding to our comforts, but rather it simply becomes a trap to stagnancy.

    Distractions are ubiquitous, especially with the onslaught of social media, on-demand entertainment, and more and more instant gratifications. Some of these distractions are harmless in and of themselves, sometimes providing good benefits, however the gluttonous indulgence of any and all forms of distractions is what prevents many from living the most fulfilling lives. Sadly, it takes something drastic to wake us up from the drowning effects of distractions and often times we lose so much of our most precious commodity, time.

    An individual may seem like he or she is living a productive life, waking up in time for work, completing projects and meeting deadlines, going out afterwards to meet with friends to grab a drink, and occasionally traveling somewhere they haven’t been. It’s the “normal” routine that a good number of hard-working, high-achieving individuals pursue, and for many it ultimately provides the deepest meaning to life. Unfortunately, as studies and personal stories can attest to, it is evident that this attitude and approach to work is not fulfilling many millennials, and it is solely an illusion to our identity and our lives.

    Effects
    The stagnant life may seem okay on the surface, but in reality it is slowly breeding tiny “insects”, which can transmit fatal diseases to multiple areas of our lives such as our work, our bodies, and most importantly, our relationships.

    Individuals are caught up in the illusion of finding meaning in their careers or making money and will jump on the hamster wheel running ferociously but getting no where. It is easy to become mindless drones, working endlessly with the hopes of getting somewhere, but without an intentional approach to the work that we do, that’s when our work and careers quickly become jobs that we hate, and ever so quickly do we turn to look for another ladder to climb or hamster wheel to run on.

    Physical stagnancy has become an epidemic, literally. Western nations have now put a medical term to this—obesity. While there are few individuals who have genetic mutations causing obesity and require medical treatment, the vast majority have simply become physically stagnant. Again, there is a delusion that the movement in our everyday lives is enough to offset the detrimental effects of being sedentary and eating an overabundance of unhealthy, processed foods; however, our society is now seeing the consequences of this stagnancy. And the simple truth is that it does not take running marathons or $100+ gym memberships, but rather being consistent in some type of physical activity and being mindful of what we feed our bodies.

    The stagnant life is most detrimental to our relationships. It is evident in families, friendships, marriages, and relationship with God. At least in my personal experience and network of acquaintances, there are so many broken families. Whether clearly evident through divorces and single parent homes, to more inconspicuous hurts harbored though silent dinners and cold bedrooms, there is no shortage of broken and hurt families. And as young individuals turn their attention and time to friends, the usual meet ups and repetitive hangouts can quickly stagnate to nothing more than spending time to get our minds off of different stresses. Stagnate marriages are most scary as on the exterior they look as if the relationship is progressing, as the busyness of simply doing life together replaces the intentionality of being more intimate with one another, loving more deeply and richly. The stagnate relationship may go on for years until it is too late to realize that a hidden disease has been transmitted to the core, resulting in hardness of hearts, insecurity, lack of fulfillment, leading to the ultimate death of the once vibrant and glowing relationship that started in a ceremonious celebration. The same goes for our relationship with God or our faith. It is easy to get caught up in religious activities, thinking that by participating or placing ourselves in religious environments will spur our love for a living God. Similar to a marriage, simply living together in the same house is not the same as facing one another, gazing into each other’s eyes, appreciating everything about the beloved, the good, the bad, and the mystery.

    TREATMENT

    Like any good treatment, the preventative approach is best. It’s important to quickly identify what causes the stagnancy in our lives, such as comforts, distractions, and/or illusions. Taking intentional approaches to battle the causes, such as not getting lazy in comforts, limiting distractions, and actively being introspective, questioning the why of life in order to not get caught in an illusion, will help prevent stagnancies to occur in the first place.

    Perhaps the subtle effects of stagnancy has already crept into different areas of life—the very reason why I am writing this piece. It is not enough to simply recognize and acknowledge that these harms exist, but rather, it is critical to stir up and unplug the clogs that slowly built up over time leading to the stagnancy. It is important to take a step off of the hamster wheel and reflect on where it is I am headed; to get off of my lazy ass and do something, and demonstrate some self-control on how much I gorge myself; and lastly, to be the first one to make the change in the relationship, no matter how difficult or awkward it may be, knowing that if nothing changes, the stagnancy will lead to a life-ending disease.

    Although all these approaches are easier said than done, knowing that the rewards are endless can give some hope and power to pushing on—healthier bodies, a more positive self-image, more energy to tackle work and relationships, these healthier relationships providing more fulfilling and happy lives, and understanding that identity is not defined by the work that we do. Knowing that an active life, flowing like a stream of living water is the most vibrant and life-giving, most certainly makes it worth pursuing.

    As I make these subtle changes, I’m excited to see how my journey continues to unfold. I’m excited to keep enjoying the process and continue to share and document these experiences, hopefully without ever growing stagnate in the process.

  • 2nd Anniversary Love Letter

    A glimpse into the process, an email sent to the wife..

    “Believers need to learn to view work not only in terms of monetary gain, but also in terms of the spiritual benefit they may gain on the job, such as learning patience, self-control, wisdom, etc. I believe we all would agree that working a job builds character, which is a meaningful step in our maturing in Christ. We need to both teach and model that we are working for Jesus, not for men, and that it is the Lord Christ whom we serve (Col 3:23-24).” – Patrick Lai, Tentmaking

    Dear love,

    As I am home studying, preparing, and training more for whatever our future holds, I’m so grateful that you allow me the freedom and flexibility to be able to do so. It is also on your shoulders that I can lean on and rest, that I can stand on to reach for higher goals and purposes for the Lord. This partnership, is something I truly do not take for granted. I hope you are benefiting from this partnership as well. I hope you are being filled.

    As a man, I do sway at times thinking about making money, wanting to provide for us and our future family and it’s sometimes frustrating when the bills pile up and we need to cut out decisions because we are trying to be frugal with our money. I know you console me and say it’s not an issue for you, and sometimes it’s so hard for me to fully believe that, which makes you so much more of an incredible woman and person.

    Thank you for pointing me in the right direction, for not allowing me to take the easier path, for keeping my eyes focused on the narrow path, no matter how foolish it seems, no matter how many times it doesn’t make sense. You are amazing.

    “It never cost a disciple anything to follow Jesus; to talk about cost when you are in love with anyone is an insult.” – Oswald Chambers

    I want to live like this for the Lord, I want us and our family to live like this for the Lord. And you are already showing me a glimpse of this, that there is no cost, there is no amount of money to the love you have for me, the love you have for following and pursuing God, and I’m so touched, I’m so encouraged, and I will keep on persevering.

    I love you honey.

    Happy next day into the third year of this amazing gift of marriage 🙂

  • Light of the World

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

    – Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

    I remember hearing this quote while watching the movie, Coach Carter. Although truncated, I was so moved. However, that’s where it ended—a good feeling and an idea I desired yet after many years, I realized that it was not true in my life.

    I feared my darkness more than my light. I was ashamed at what kind of thoughts and feelings my mind and heart harbored and there was a constant war within myself. Sometimes I identified with past shames and regrets and questioned a lot of things about my life.

    Probably like most individuals, I masked this darkness with trying harder, achieving more, and though I did build up a decent life resume of accomplishments, I knew deep in my heart that I was not truly free.

    As the years passed and my initial exploration for a greater meaning of life led to a genuine relationship with a living God, I found myself being liberated of past guilts and others began to testify to these changes. And as I continue to grow and mature in this relationship, building a foundation based on what Jesus Christ taught his disciples, I am now beginning to see clearly.

    “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

    – Matthew 5:14-16

    For much of my early journey, I was tossed in a wave of emotions, teachings, and doubts. I regressed back into old habits, I occasionally would linger in past memories and lived in defeat, although it may not have seemed like it on the surface.

    But now, I am beginning to proclaim, that yes, I am the light of the world. And I am finally beginning to understand this greater fear of how powerful I can be. It’s such a new development, but I’m excited to be free, to really begin living my life to the fullest.

    I know that this was not due to my own accomplishments or disciplines, but rather, it is truly because of my Father in Heaven, my living God, who continues to demonstrate such a great love, a mystery beyond understanding.

    As I am liberated, as I let my own light shine, I am excited to unconsciously allow others to do the same, and I hope my presence automatically liberates others to be free and ultimately give glory to our Father in heaven!

  • The Visionary

    The Chief Executive Officer (CEO)—It would be a lie if I were to say that I never wanted to be a CEO of.. anything. The title symbolizes status, power, authority. However, once I started working at a medium-size company, I wondered, what do CEOs even do? It seemed like most of them we either know of or hear about play golf the majority of their time and their paycheck consists of way too many zeros.

    However, having worked at a startup company, alongside many other aspiring entrepreneurs, I came across a different kind of CEO. For one, there were way too many CEOs in one room and I realized that the highly regarded title is just that—a title. Just because I slap on a few extra letters after my name, doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t prove anything. The value and worth of an individual is not defined by what degrees or titles they’ve achieved, but is defined by who they are.

    Another discovery was that there are also a lot of CEOs with not enough zeros in their paycheck. It’s the #truelife of a hustler. But with knowing this reality, I’ve realized that these individuals are another breed of leaders. These CEOs don’t have enough time in their day for rounds of golf, rather they work longer and harder hours than a first year analyst at an investment firm.

    Visionaries

    CEOs as founders of a company also possess something that no other coworker, employee, or investor may have—vision.

    I recently did an exercise with a CEO of a company and was asked, “What would this company look like 20 years from now without any limitations?” I sat there and pondered, trying to imagine the highest potential for the company and its reach to redeem the creative arts. Being a relatively creative person myself, I shared my thoughts and believed it was a good swing at the task at hand.

    However, what I soon realized was that the most grandiose vision that I could have imagined paled in comparison to the original creator (i.e., the CEO). Even as a past employee, having worked different facets of the company, even as an educated individual with a creative and explorative mind, my “wildest” imagination of what the pinnacle of success for this company would look like was nothing to what the founder had already planned and dreamed of before inception.

    I shared that this company would allow people to have access to the best artists in remote villages of Africa for their cultural awareness event. The CEO shared that the president of a country rebuilding its war torn lands would utilize the platform to gather multiple artists, architects, designers, and performers, to showcase the strength and unification of the country as a demonstration and proclamation to the rest of the world. My mind was blown away..

    How much more so…

    After the five hour meeting of brainstorming for the future growth of the company, I normally would’ve felt exhausted; however, an epiphany began to take shape from what seemed as an ordinary work related experience.

    I know I am a smart individual. I know I have had many different experiences in life that I’ve also reflected on that has shaped my character and my perspective. However, in the end that didn’t matter in the context of this company and the original creator’s vision.

    And on the bus ride back home, was when I began reflecting on the Original Creator. The Creator of the universe and the earth. The ultimate CEO.

    How much more trivial would our visions be as we try to compare our wisdom and knowledge to a God of the universe, creator of our lives, the “companies” we operate in, trying to add value and meaning when it is only the Good Father who truly knows best. I realized that I used to think that I knew best, that I held the most rationale opinions on complex issues, that I have given the most thought to various matters pertaining to my life and my surroundings. But as I continue this journey of life and faith, I realize how insignificant I am compared to the vastness that is God and simply for that reason, I exalt Thee.

  • Confession: I should be on the Ashley Madison list

    It was only a few months ago, I remember doing my daily ritual of scanning CNN articles to stay abreast of current news, when I stumbled across a headline that read something along the lines of, “Ashley Madison hack ruined my life”. There was consistent coverage in the summer months to follow related to this hack, the site, and its consequences.

    My initial response to the Ashley Madison website was disgust. Even as a child, I for some reason, held ideal views of love and marriage and thought it was a sacred and precious gift. Although infidelity has penetrated into the households of many couples and families, it was always private, done in secret—I couldn’t believe that a website was created to help publicly facilitate what society views in shame. Then again, I guess it was only a matter of time before technology also disrupted this space, and in lieu disrupt the relationships involved.

    I dug a little deeper to discover what was going on, searching for why the site was created in the first place, who the founder is, why the site was hacked, combed through the barrage of comments, and watched a biological anthropologist’s examination of human behavior and why people are on the Ashley Madison site.

    Although my initial reaction was, “I can’t believe this site exists” and was rooting for the hackers and their success, I realized their good intentions led to additional complicated issues in addition to already existing broken relationships—i.e., hate crime, cyber security, online scam, and even suicides. There are lots of different perspectives out there, some as “light” as making humor out of the incident as hosts of an award show, to some more reflective misconceptions about the hack.

    However, I had a different reaction to what had already been discussed concerning this issue, one that took me some time to think about and with some hesitancy, am writing about now.

    My Confession

    It was estimated that about 37 million people were identified in the hack, ranging from the average Joe, CEOs, politicians, and sadly, even pastors. I shook my head when reading this statistic, but at that moment, a haunting epiphany struck me—I, too, am on that list.

    No, I did not literally sign up for the Ashley Madison site after only being married for less than two years, and I have no intention to do so. I am deeply in love with my wife, I am completely, holistically satisfied in our marriage—emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. Yet, despite this complete and rich love, the intimacy that she and I share, the trust, comfort, security, and passion, there exists in me thoughts that jeopardize and can put all of these amazing things at risk. There are temptations that ever so slightly brew and I don’t know where it comes from, yet I know that it’s not something that I want to entertain. I realized, instead of judging those who were users on the Ashley Madison site, I knew if anybody were to hack my thoughts, I, too, would be extremely guilty of infidelity, of the possibility that I too can be a user of the Ashley Madison service.

    It was this realization that confused and troubled me for the past couple of months. Before marriage, I never understood how even in the small circle of people I knew, men would cheat on their wives, wives would leave their husbands. I could not understand how two individuals who were so deeply in love, to go as far as to commit to love each other for the rest of their lives, could do something as egregious as cheating, and ultimately cause an immense amount of hurt and pain to someone whom they claimed to love till death do us part. And now that I am married, ironically I can now see how this tragedy may come to fruition in my life, I can see how I too am susceptible to the ugly grips of a broken love.

    Small steps lead to greater victories

    What I fortunately learned early on is that the people who resort to using sites like Ashley Madison or who secretly have affairs with other people is not something that happens overnight. As some writers have already mentioned, it is the small hurts and pains that go unaddressed, the unfulfilled, discontent heart that was never shared between the two individuals, that ultimately lead to deeper hurts and pains that eventually will lead people to find comfort, love, and or respect, elsewhere.

    I’m truly grateful that I was able to realize this early on, identifying in my self when I was hurt by my wife, and felt a thin layer of callousness covering my heart. I knew I immediately had to bring this before her, instead of covering it in pride or whatever other reason I could think of, and in doing so, being able to not let the hardness penetrate any deeper and resolve the issue immediately. I knew it was something as small as an argument that makes me not want to sleep next to her that evening, can ultimately lead me to not sleep with her forever. Some may think that this is unnecessary, it may be overbearing to talk about and reveal such seemingly petty disagreements, however, I find it more foolish to not talk about these things to risk the possibility of having a much more difficult conversation of, “Where were you last night?”

    My heart goes out to all the individuals affected by the Ashley Madison site and hack. My heart goes out more to the millions of people not on the site who struggle with broken relationships. And my heart goes out to those who may be beginning their amazing journey of marriage, especially the ones in their honeymoon phase who feel like their love will last forever.

    My hope is that we can realize how it’s the little things that ultimately lead to the much bigger disasters, or to victories. It is either the little hurts and scars that continue to build up that may lead to an outburst of anger or rebellion. It is the little lusts, the glances, the entertaining of certain thoughts and images that lead to infidelity, rape, and other sexual offenses.

    But it is also the little steps of communicating, reaching out, starting early, that can lead to open, vibrant, and trusting relationships. It is the small battles we choose to face, instead of mindlessly giving into whatever our minds and bodies crave. It is these small victories, that will lead us not to have to use sites like Ashley Madison, that will not create a desire for hackers demanding justice, and for the rest of society having to deal with issues like hate crime, cyber security, and most importantly, broken relationships and taken lives. I wonder, how much better off this world will be if only we learned how to love one another with more depth and greater trust.

    To my beloved wife, I hope you never have to hack my mind and heart because I will do my utmost best to guard it, to love you truly till death do us part. I hope you can join me in this battle, for honesty, for purity, and to continue our fun, exciting, comforting, journey of marriage. I want to enjoy every process with you.

    Love,
    Your husband

  • What is your retirement dream?

    Sitting poolside at a beautiful resort, the sound of a cascading waterfall in the background, ice cold Pina colada in one hand served by a friendly waiter, an engaging book in the other, relaxing for endless hours without a care in the world, where time is only judged by the position of the sun in the clear, baby blue sky…

    Standing on perfectly maintained green grass, surrounded by magnificent mountains and breathtaking landscapes, calmly breathing in unpolluted fresh air, ready to take the last putt on the 18th hole for a birdie, knowing what awaits is a victory ice cold beer, and the cool ride home in an electric red Porsche…

    It sounds too good to be true, a life worth striving for, working hard in our earlier years to hopefully reach this point in our lives where we can retire and simply enjoy the pleasures of life.

    For many, it is the American dream. It is what we see in movies, what we talk about with friends, what we hear about from our bosses when they occasionally call into the office to make sure the work is being done and clients are satisfied.

    For a privileged few, this is already a reality, a vacation. And fortunately, I had the opportunity to live this retirement dream for a couple of days when I took a trip to Arizona—golf haven, retirement home central, and reliable sunny days. I experienced and witnessed this life and to be honest, it was relaxing, stress-free, and enjoyable. However, when I looked at the multitude of individuals and couples who sat by the pool, walked the golf courses, I noticed something and began to wonder, “Are these people truly happy? Did they achieve what they want in life and in their later years, are they fulfilled, joyful, worry-free?” Obviously I don’t know what these people are truly feeling or thinking, but by observation, it just didn’t seem so. That made me wonder, what does my end look like? What does “retirement” mean to me?

    Begin with the end in mind

    While I had a lot of time to reflect and think, I began with one of the “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”—begin with the end in mind. Now when thinking about life, what we know with absolute certainty for humans is that our end is death. When we draw upon this habit and really begin with the ultimate end, it certainly helps us put things into perspective and gives us a different lens to view our life and the meaning behind it. But that’s for a different time…

    I began with a different end—retirement. Retirement is usually discussed in the context of work and our careers, usually achieved around the age of 65 for social security benefits to kick in and hopefully for the fortunate few that saved, their 401-k’s and other retirement funds. With the exception of the unicorn stories, the Fortune Magazine 30 under 30 group, self-made millionaires, viral apps being acquired by mega companies, the majority of us work a vast portion of our lives (assuming we start working soon after graduating college in our early 20s and retiring in our mid to late 60s). Forty years… Approximately forty years we work, whether purposefully, intentionally, toward a goal, perhaps retirement, or maybe for some, aimlessly, without even a dream of sitting pool side or owning that Porsche.

    I wondered, would I be satisfied with living out my recent vacation, every single day when I’m older? Soaking up the sun, playing golf, eating food and being served by someone else so I don’t have to lift a pinky up? As relaxing and enjoyable my recent vacation was, I don’t know if I would be satisfied with the cliche American retirement dream. It’s not to say that it is an undesirable dream, most certainly not, but to wonder if I would be satisfied with my life, to work hard for 40 somewhat years to enjoy, if lucky, another 15-20 years of it, does not seem like something I look forward to nor desire. It does not seem like a good investment of the precious resource of time given to me. Not to say that nothing bad won’t happen within those years where all the hard work would then amount to nothing anyway.

    A new retirement fund

    So if working hard, saving, and hustling to achieve comfort, relaxation, and what seems like “freedom” is not my own personal dream, then what is? What is… Now this is a difficult question, a difficult picture to paint in our heads because we’ve been absorbing since an early age this one picture of retirement.

    I don’t know if I have an exact picture, a dream, or an end goal I’m striving for, but there are a few things that I can say at this stage and point of my life:

    1) I don’t want to wait until I’m in the last quarter of my life, to be able to fully enjoy life

    The common perception here is that we need lots of money to be able to be free, to enjoy life, but I’ve seen enough with my own eyes that there is so much happiness aside from the expensive luxuries of life, but that priceless treasures bring us so much more joy than what a consumer mentality teaches us. I want to continue to learn how to be content with what I have, and as a friend once said, “to live simply, and give lavishly”. I don’t need to wait to really enjoy every day of my life, to be thankful and grateful for what I have thus far, and to fully enjoy that.

    2) I want to surround myself with people who share a similar hope

    We know how easy it is to be influenced by the people around us, and there is much wisdom whether through literature or science, that supports this fact. And having traveled much, both inside and outside the states, I can confidently say that the New York, tristate area is definitely a major proponent of the lifestyle in placing an extreme emphasis on more work, more money, status, power, and fueling the idea that we need to have more to enjoy life and that luxurious things are better—luxury goods, luxury vacations, luxury foods, luxury homes. Having been blessed with much, I can say that though some of these things are most certainly nice to have, they are not necessary to have a fulfilling life.

    3) I want to be in a place where I won’t forget what the ultimate end is

    I know that life is short, having had near death experiences at an early age, having witnessed too many deaths from the small circle of people I know. I know that there is more to life and as I continue to grow in my understanding of this life, I want to be in a place that I can share with others my discoveries of greater joys, greater freedom, greater love, and a deeper meaning to what we view as our precious lives.

    It is certainly not a definitive picture, and perhaps that’s better? Regardless, it is a direction, a focus, that allows me to not only invest into a 401-k, but also invest into my retirement fund of meaning, of joy, of love, of peace, and knowing that when I do so, my returns are truly priceless and limitless.

    …Holding the hand of my beloved wife after many years of being together, weathering through the storms and enjoying the sunshine, still making each other laugh, holding onto one another like the honeymoon phase of our relationship, heart being tender and affectionate, gut still dropping when she gazes into my eyes… Meeting with various people, people who we can share our love and our joy with, people who we can laugh with, people who need care and can care for us, people who still make us better after many experienced years… Sharing a meal together, a simple meal, but delicious because of the laughter, the love, brightness and energy, sharing stories of hope, stories of love… And at the end of the day, going to bed with the warmth, comfort, and peace, of truly being happy with all that we have, however much or however little, knowing that we lived that day to the fullest, knowing that the day was meaningful and beautiful…

    That’s a wonderful retirement for me.

  • “The Call”

    On September 6, 2015, during an ordinary Sunday service, I felt for the first time a “calling”. My initial response was a call to go (as we read from Genesis 12, Abraham’s call to go). A call to leave the homeland, into an unknown place.

    I remember in 2010, after a month stay in Tanzania, I had an intense desire and passion to go on full-time, international missions; however, something in my gut knew that was not the answer, the time or call. I was ready to give up my potential career as a well-paid pharmacist, but God had other plans for me to take on a full time job.

    Fast forward five years later, I now feel called. Called when things could not be better from the world’s eye—called when I’m very happily married, when our finances are relatively stable, flexibility and comfort of job situation, home owner at the age of 26, good social life amongst friends, nothing majorly wrong with family relations. And when things could not seem better, even being grateful at most times, I know that something was awry, something was off, my heart has not been content. And for some time now, going through this career journey, searching for what is my “call” and having experienced a gamut of experiences, I realize there is only one true call.

    What was initially a call to go, a call to missions, I know that is not the ultimate call. The call is from the caller, the call is to a being, not a place, a job, or life purpose. Our life purpose is already defined—to be children of God, to be disciples, to glorify the Lord, to rejoice always, pray continually, to give thanks in all circumstances, to love the Lord and to love others—simple. Yet, as 21st century millennials, we complicate this to such varying degrees.

    Our call, is never a call to go or a call to be, our call is a call to come. To come, and draw nearer to God, to be in greater intimacy with the Lord.

    Yes, I agree and have been blessed through finding work as worship, to treat this area, my family and friends, as a mission field, my marriage as a mission field. However, throughout it all, all the changes, the one constant always draws back to God our Lord and the closer intimacy with Jesus Christ. On this journey, with all the doubts, the questions, everything has been drawing me closer to God and that is the only call.

    Our purpose and focus should never be a career, a meaning, a vocation, a church, nor a place—all irrelevant. It’s simply a relationship (which we know is not that simple), not an ideology, religion, set of beliefs, or a philosophy to grasp nor a life to achieve both in a secular and Christian worldview. The Lord—as Mary sat beside the Lord—that’s all it’s about.

    And each individual has different understandings, different degrees of knowing the Lord and with that a representation in our lives, a reflection of that relationship, of Jesus Christ. Some, to genuinely be called to a marketplace, a profession, or perhaps some to be examples in marriage; some to preach, some to teach, as expressed by Apostle Paul. But again, these reflections should never be the focus as “holy” as it may seem.

    And with the talk of end of the world (nothing new in our time or of before), I can’t help but to think of not in short- or long-term thinking but want to begin thinking in terms of eternity. And I ask myself, how much do I really believe this? And as I ponder, it’s a matter of trust of how much more intimately I know the Lord. Just like in a relationship with a significant other, it doesn’t matter what stage or how long you’ve known the individual, there is a level of faith and trust that comes with committing to “human eternity”—i.e., till death do us part. It is through this commitment, covenant, we draw infinitely closer to an individual—never through short or long term commitments or time frame of knowing one other. And how much more so, will we know the Lord when we commit to him for eternity perspective.

    Regarding end of world talk, U.S. dollar collapsing, it’s easy to focus our attention on these media grabbing topics (or rather lack thereof for now until it happens). However, regardless of the timing, it is certain, even aside from Christian perspective, that the collapse of the U.S. dollar is most likely inevitable. It is also, if belief in the Christian God is true, that the times of our fallen world we know will end. Regardless of each belief, we can put our trust/faith in one or the other, both, or neither and that affects the way we live our lives. If we really believe the U.S. dollar will collapse, would we not find measures to be prepared, to be guarded? Just like we would do if we receive a warning about a potential hurricane to hit our area. If the Christian end times is true and regardless of whether we know when, would we still not live a life reflective of that? And of course, it may look different as is to the measure of faith of each individual’s relationship with God.

    I don’t know what will happen three days from now, I don’t know what my specific reflection of my relationship with God will look like, nor what location or vocation I should be. But one thing is clear as it always has been—to love God with all my heart, mind, and soul. It is this commandment, the greatest commandment, that has led to all the greatest truths and revelations in my life.