Enjoy the Process

Category: Life

  • Life is like a box of fruits. Enjoy them promptly in each season.

    Or else they will rot and you will throw it away.

    I have recently been on a journey of seeking enjoyment. Ironically, my mantra is enjoy the process. However, I’m not sure if I had fully understood how to enjoy the process. In the beginning, enjoyment was a mentality, which is certainly a big factor. Over time and especially this past year, I have discovered how I can enjoy life more and it has been quite the process.

    It is difficult to enjoy

    Three years ago, I reflected on why it is difficult to enjoy the process. I think the reflections still hold true today.

    • We take moments of life for granted
    • We tend to focus on results and achievements
    • We avoid difficulty and challenges

    This could not be more true in the domain of parenting. I was constantly taking moments with my daughter for granted. I was over focused on my professional goals. I avoided the difficulty and challenge of how I can be a better parent.

    One year ago, my second daughter was born. My first was five years old and we faced new family dynamics and tough questions. In the thick of this season, I did not want to make the same mistakes and thus embarked on a journey of learning about how I can enjoy parenting and ultimately life.

    Stop trying to be happy

    What kick started this journey was an article, “Stop trying to be happy. Instead, have more fun.” The article discusses organizational psychologist and behavioral scientist Mike Rucker’s PLAY model. It is an acronym for pleasure, living, agonizing, and yielding.

    Low ChallengeHigh Challenge
    High FunPleasureLiving
    Low FunYieldingAgonizing
    PLAY Model

    This tool helps identify what activities you enjoy based on fun and challenge level. It takes intentional effort to reflect and bucket what activities in our lives give us joy. The near enemy of fun activities are yielding ones – endless scrolling on social media, Netflix binges, YouTube rabbit holes, playing unfulfilling games, mindless drinking.

    It is easy to resort to these activities especially after a long day because we want to numb our body and mind. I found myself yielding more and more to these activities especially when I felt guilty or ashamed of my actions and behaviors as a husband and father. This is a whole other topic related to our identity and how and where we find value in ourselves. The lie I would tell myself was I did not deserve to have fun or be joyful. While I rationally knew that this sentiment was not true, the sting of messing up and allure of being hard on myself would sometimes take over.

    I knew I could not sustainably live in a state of existence. I knew I did not want to take life for granted. Thus I worked on discovering what activities I enjoy. Rucker suggests,

    Identify elements that you can manipulate,

    including your environment,

    the people you’re with and

    the activities you’re engaged in.

    In regards to parenting, it is hard to change the environment and the people. Thus, the focus has been on what activities I can enjoy more. Playing with my daughter used to feel like a drag, but shifting the attitude to how we can both enjoy our time together has drastically improved my enjoyment and our relationship. The mundane daily tasks of cooking, cleaning, and eating became more enjoyable. By taking a brief moment to ask, “How can I enjoy this?” has certainly made life more fun.

    Finding joy is the most vulnerable human emotion.

    Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart

    Be present to enjoy life

    This may be the most important condition of enjoyment. It is perhaps the biggest lesson and application I have learned.

    In January 2023, after ongoing conflicts and unresolved tension with my wife, we had a pivotal moment in our marriage. It was when I learned and applied how to “number my days.” The lesson stemmed from the verse, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12) I believe from that moment on, I began to gain wisdom about being present.

    I had an epiphany moment when I was struck with the phrase,

    Life is like a box of fruits

    I’m not sure what exactly triggered this idea. Perhaps it was after the short summer season of eating strawberries and tomatoes from our yard. Perhaps it was the fleeting moments with my five year old who started Kindergarten. Regardless, it was another lesson about numbering our days. This lesson helped water the seed of enjoying the fruits of life in each season.

    When I started to be more intentional about enjoyment, I felt like I reached a cusp in life, where I was being present to enjoy the smallest moments, which radically shifts those moments from passive existence to active enjoyment.

    Being present to enjoy the smallest moments, radically shifts those moments from passive existence to active enjoyment.

    I began to discover the art of presence, simplicity, and enjoyment. Simple tasks such as sweeping the front of the house with a broom, shifted from a meaningless chore into enjoying taking care of my house and home that safely held my family. Cleaning and organizing clothes or the garage shifts into an activity that sparks joy and gratitude for all the material things in life. It also helps to declutter and let go of things that are no longer useful. Being present helps me to richly enjoy time with my second daughter, instead of saying I will miss this stage of life. Being present and numbering our days helped my family fully enjoy the first summer break we had together before big transitions in each of our lives. I am truly enjoying the fruit of this season and not letting any of it go to waste.

    Get perspective with the end in mind

    The most recent teaching about numbering our days came in the form of an age chart. I remember hearing about how 95% of the time with your kids is gone by the time they are 18. It was a surprising statistic, but it really hit home when I made an age chart.

    Justin Whitmel Earley, Habits of the Household

    I was used to doing the habit of “begin with the end in mind” for myself.1 However, creating an age chart really put into perspective the end in regards to my family. Granted everyone stays healthy and lives long lives, the quality time we have with one another is so fleeting. The exercise was a literal numbering of our days.

    Gaining this perspective did not suddenly give me powers to be supernaturally patient, loving, kind, or happy. The daily struggles and toils are still real. When my daughter got hand-foot-mouth disease twice and Roseola all within a few weeks, the pain and struggle made the days feel like it would never end. When my older daughter is super cranky and disrespects us, we still get very frustrated and angry. The wisdom I gained manifests in the brief, quiet moments of life. I remember how numbered our days are and then I can realign my focus from being grumpy and pissed off, to genuinely enjoying the process.

    Enjoyment is the best metric of efficiency

    Joe Hudson, an executive coach and father, says the most influential factor to success in business and parenting is enjoyment. He describes enjoyment is not only what you enjoy doing, but how you can enjoy what you do more. Asking yourself, “How can I enjoy this 5% more” can yield hundredfold in every facet of life.

    I am experiencing new levels of joy in regards to parenting, marriage, work, and personal endeavors. I also learned about foreboding joy, i.e. when we are afraid to lean into good news and moments because we expect the worst to happen. Sadly, 95% of parents experience foreboding joy with their children. I have certainly been in this boat before. It really takes away from life. “When we push away joy, we squander the goodness that we need to build resilience, strength, and courage.”2

    I know life will throw more challenges my way. I know parenting will be hard. I’ll fight with my wife again. The world will have its intractable amount of issues. But I am learning despite all of that, I can still enjoy the process.

    1. 7 Habits of Highly Effective People ↩︎
    2. Atlas of the Heart ↩︎

  • 2024 Goals & Plans

    2024 Goals

    1. I want my family and I to be active and healthy
      • I want to have more energy for myself, family, and community
    2. I want to have strong emotional fluidity
    3. I want to live out my personal and family mission
      • I want to enjoy life more in the present
    4. I want to be financially free for myself and family
    5. I want to be a good and faithful servant

    2024 Plans

    1. I want my family and I to be active and healthy
      • I will continue to do compound lifting and zone 2 cardio 2-3x per week
      • I will practice healthy night routines and sleep early (9:30-10pm)
      • I will encourage my family to practice healthy habits
    2. I want to have strong emotional fluidity
      • I will reflect on my emotional triggers (review journal)
      • I will distill and express Atlas of the Heart
      • I will read the Listen book on parenting
      • I will continue marriage counseling with an open mind and gentle heart
    3. I want to live out my personal and family mission
      • I want to enjoy what I’m currently doing 5% more every day
      • I want to find more enjoyable things (revisit PLAY model)
      • I will read books I enjoy (e.g. science fiction, nonfiction)
      • I will read the Habits of the Household
    4. I want to be financially free for myself and family
      • I will be a professional trader
      • I will create a simple and clear financial plan for my assets
      • I will read Wealth Planning Strategies for Canadians
      • I will manage my crypto assets and finish the cost basis analysis
    5. I want to be a good and faithful servant
      • I will speak and listen to the whole Bible
      • I will participate in the mission of God
      • I will praise and pray once a week

  • Cherish the Moments

    Things I want to remember after being apart from my family for two months.

    Reflection

    Remember how quiet and lonely the evenings can be.

    Remember coming into an empty house sucks, especially at night.

    Remember going to bed alone also sucks.

    Remember not having a family around and having more time is not an excuse that you get more done.

    Remember family makes you a better person: responsible, accountable, growth, joy, laughter, love, connection, intimacy, affection, surprises.

    Remember orderliness is nice, but the amount of joy it can bring is limited.

    Remember cooking for one is tiring, meal planning is tough.

    In the moment

    Remember feeling the anticipation and joy of reuniting with family.

    Remember the immense feeling of joy and fullness when hugging my family.

    Remember the wonder and amazement of your child, her warmth and cuteness.

    Remember the indescribable surreal feeling of people who I know and love, being present in flesh is incomprehensible and amazing.

    Lessons

    Remember being present with kids.

    Remember kids are kids, and it is best to have the bigger picture in mind.

    Remember to make sober-minded assessments and decisions.

    Remember having your own time is not that great when it’s constantly your time.

    Remember eating meals by myself is empty and joyless.

    In the moment

    Remember the late night, interrupted, tiring sleep.

    Remember the whines and cries of a jet lagged, sick, over-stimulated baby.

    Remember the content of gathering around a simple meal.

    Remember the cranky, rude, scared child from sleeping alone.

    Remember the messiness.

    Remember the sheer joy and laughter from silly play.

    Remember the wonder of playing with a ball and discovering new objects.

    Remember the immense laughter and joy from an ordinary car ride home after dinner.

    Remember, cherish the moments, because they will fly by.

  • Ads on a Plane

    Planes now force you to watch their ads,
    On the same scale as the flight safety video.

    The slim chance that an emergency protocol would be needed,
    Is followed by the statistically significant chance that the ad will influence us towards a brand.

    The generous abundance of movies, shows, and games will keep the kids entertained and quiet,
    Yet what will we sacrifice for the comfort and convenience of our flight and that of others?

    How did our mothers fly with two kids halfway across the world without any screens?
    Are we being draped with an illusion over our eyes that reality is boring and virtual is virtually appealing?

    Do we lose a bit of our reality, or have we already lost it entirely,
    With the technological advancement of a mini screen provided in front of every eye?

    Or are we degenerating our eyes, minds, bodies, and soul,
    With more blue light, less thinking, excessive stagnancy, and less conversation?

    Do we tire of imaginative play with our kids?
    Do we build an invisible barrier of a no converse zone with our neighbor?
    Do we forego common courtesies of consideration in aiding those in need?

    Our entertainment and pleasure is priority over waking someone when being called on,
    Over helping someone with their bag,
    Over a simple smile and hello.

    It was annoying to be interrupted for the flight safety video,
    But now we are lured back with an ad to download the airline app.

    As if the appeal of entertainment was not already enough,
    Now commercialization has been added to our digital cocktail comatose.

    Thank you very much, it’s time to get back to the show.

    Air Canada
    Vancouver to Seoul
    Dec 2023

  • How a night owl stopped chasing the damn bus

    “The early bird catches the worm.”

    I heard this classic proverb when I was young. It shaped my view to believe that those who wake up early are better. However, I grew up in a home where waking up early was not prioritized. My parents worked retail so they did not have to wake up early to go to work. It was always a struggle to get up early to go to school. I had multiple alarms and utilized various waking techniques like putting the alarm in the bathroom. However, I would smack the super annoying cat trumpet alarm I got from the Asian supermarket and go back to bed. In my early teenage years, I would often be running to the bus stop. When I didn’t catch the bus super sweaty and out of breath, I would sulkily walk back home and wake up my mom to drive me to school.

    Throughout my college years and young adult life, my early-bird struggle persisted. I would have brief moments of success in college. I would wake up early to go to the gym or go for a morning run. But good habits and rhythms were difficult to maintain due to the late night parties and the occasional studying. As a young working professional, I once again found myself chasing after buses. If I missed the 7:23am bus into New York, the next one at 7:31am would take 30 to 45 minutes longer. I found a little more success with waking up early when I started working. However, it was not out of my desire and drive, but rather the external pressure of showing up to work on time.

    I remember reading about effective people and how a common thread would be waking up early. I read how Mark Wahlberg would wake up at 4am well before his whole family. He would get his quiet time, workout, and breakfast before anyone would wake up. There was a consistent theme that emphasized how it is better to be an early bird.

    “But the night owl catches the mouse?”

    However, I was a night owl. I stayed up late as a child chatting with friends on AIM. I enjoyed writing in my journals under a dim-desk lamp next to my bed. The times I would try to sleep early, I would lay in bed with endless thoughts racing through my mind. Song inspirations or work ideas would pop up during these moments of pondering in the dark. I never felt ashamed that I was a night owl. However, there was this curiosity about what it would be like to be an early bird. There was some mysterious appeal about this other side of life that I could not get in rhythm with.

    Recently, my news feed has been showing articles about the risk and benefits of being a night owl. Probably because the AI/ML knows my increasing searches for how to wake up early or what is the best bedtime routines. I think the pendulum is swinging the other way. Night owls are standing up for their rights. The minority voice feels discriminated.

    I would have happily continued to be a night owl. However, my four year old daughter consistently wakes up between 6:30 and 7:00am. Despite her early waking, my wife and I refused to sleep early because night time was our precious time. We were notorious (to ourselves) for our sleep retaliation. Other parents would be going to bed at 9pm. That was when we would start our shows, play games, or have our late night YOLO snack times.

    While we had our fun in the evening, our daughter would always wake before us. We were cranky she would interrupt our valuable sleep. We thought we were responsible by going to bed at 11pm and waking at 7am. Going to bed at eleven meant sleeping around midnight. And there would be occasional wakings from nightmares or bathroom emergencies. We would be consistently tired. I attempted to wake up earlier, but would fail. Light lamps, phone alarm in bathroom, or multiple alarms. Nothing worked. I would always be tired. I would always be chasing the damn bus.

    “Important things, should never be at the mercy of less important things.”

    I was rereading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and came across this quote. Waking up early for the sake of my family and my relationship with my daughter is important. I knew I had to subordinate my personal Netflix binges and gaming time to the more important and valuable things in life. Around the same time, I was revisiting the idea of becoming a professional trader. This meant waking up prior to 6:30am MT to be ready for the New York open. In order to become a professional, something I wanted to pursue, I knew I could not be dragging my feet out of bed and chasing the next bus. I wanted to be alert and ready. I wanted to be loving and present.

    Towards the beginning of this year, I made the commitment to sleep earlier. The first week was insanely difficult. I would lie in bed for over an hour, sometimes close to two, as my circadian rhythm was clocked in the same rhythm for the past two decades. I would force myself to wake up early, reminding myself of the greater purpose. It wasn’t because of external pressures of bosses or peers. It wasn’t because of some meta narrative that favored the early bird. It wasn’t my nagging daughter. It wasn’t catching that damn school bus.

    The second week, I found myself getting tired earlier, when normally I would not have been. I even found myself waking up without the sound alarm going off and only the light. I rewarded my psyche about my success. It has now been about five weeks. I cannot say that it is super easy getting out of bed. However, I find myself having the ability to get out of bed even after crawling back in because it is super cold.

    Building this new habit is not easy. It is physically challenging because I’m tired. It is mentally challenging, because I have to remember my greater purpose and reasons for pushing myself. It is emotionally challenging because I lose some of the valuable night time cuddles with my wife. And I occasionally still lash out at my daughter when I’m cranky. I also enjoy the occasional late night pub visit and dart league.

    Despite the challenges, I am enjoying the process. It is invigorating to know that I can change my childhood rhythms and habits. The whole early bird and night owl distinction is not some mysterious power. I think some people may be naturally inclined, but I think a lot of it has to do with our environments and our choices. Some people may not be able to build consistent patterns because they have demanding jobs or perhaps a newborn on the way. That’s okay, because being flexible and adaptable is more beneficial, than to be so ingrained in one way of living and being.

    I am proud to tell my younger self that I finally can wake up early enough to beat the bus to the stop. I no longer have to chase the damn bus anymore.

  • The Difficulty of Enjoy(ing) the Process

    The cacophony of existence makes it difficult to enjoy the process.

    Begin

    Enjoy the process birth through a relationship. It is a mantra to remember what is truly important. It was not a wedding date, a legal status, nor a covenantal promise to one another. The most important thing is the relationship itself, to enjoy one another.

    It sounds silly to have to explicitly remind each other to enjoy the process, but the very reason it was necessary was because of how difficult it can be to enjoy the process.

    The northeast wedding culture is very unique: extravagant, demanding, expensive. It puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on couples to meet their own self-created requirements. Family members and other peers who have bought into this culture also put an invisible pressure and false expectation on couples. On top of that, work is demanding, social engagements never ending, and unexpected trials of life always visiting.

    The cacophony of existence makes it difficult to enjoy the process.

    The Process

    Seven years later since the wedding date, the signed legal papers, and the covenantal promise to one another, this mantra could not ever be more true.

    The cacophony has not stopped banging its symbols of noisy existence to interrupt living life.

    “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

    Oscar Wilde

    It is a battle to remember to enjoy the process, for everything in life. It is a battle to enjoy one another, or put in a more familiar way, “never stop dating.”

    It is difficult to enjoy the process. It is difficult to enjoy the process for everything in life.

    But why?

    I’m not sure!

    There is probably a psychological and scientific reason, but here is a guess from my best teacher, Life.

    1. Taking people for granted

    Enjoy the process is necessary because it is easy to take for granted the significant other in life. We take for granted that the significant relationships in our lives can withstand the abuse they take.

    “She will understand if I don’t call her tonight.”
    “I’m too tired, can we talk about it tomorrow?”
    “He knows how much is on my plate.”
    “I don’t need to actually apologize, we have a deeper relationship than that.”
    “She is young and resilient. She will understand when she’s older.”

    Perhaps there is some truth to these sentiments and our stronger relationships are strong because they can withstand some level of tension. However, it is only a matter of time that something or someone will snap.

    This is not only true in relationships, but in other facets of our life as well. We can take our health for granted. We can take our work for granted. We can take our lives for granted.

    When we take things for granted, we are in a state of neglect and thus makes it significantly harder to enjoy the process.

    2. Overemphasis on end results and achievements

    The Olympics are just around the corner. If there is ever a time where the end results matter, it is the Olympics. Four years of training, dedication, and sacrifice culminating to the biggest moment of that entire process, determined by mere fractions of seconds. No one gives a crap about silver or bronze, it is only gold that matters.

    I think if I told an Olympian who did not get gold or even placement to enjoy the process, they would tell me to piss off. Perhaps in some circumstances, it is the end result that really matters. But how many of us are Olympic athletes?

    To the non-Olympian, I say enjoy the process.

    “The present is a present.”

    Korean proverb

    The wedding day, as important and symbolic as it is, is only a day. Thus, why fret over one day and create unnecessary tension with the significant other that you want to spend the rest of your life with? Enjoy the process leading up to that special day, but most importantly, enjoy the process of the every day in and through marriage.

    It is fulfilling and rewarding to accomplish a major project or task. But an overemphasis on results or achievements dulls the process it takes to reach that goal.

    By shifting our mindset to be present in the present, we can allow ourselves to enjoy the process.

    Sometimes setting our minds on the end prize helps us persevere through the difficult times. There is much value in “begin with the end in mind…” But I would also add, “… and then enjoy the process.” So maybe even to the Olympian, I would say enjoy the process of training and being disciplined, because there can be much joy in that process. If everything was just for gold, I wonder how disappointing and unfulfilling four years of life can be for many.

    3. The process is difficult

    It is difficult to enjoy the process, because the process itself is difficult!

    Instant gratification does not make this any easier. Everything is instant now. Not just faster, but instant. Two day deliveries is not good enough anymore. Within few hours is the goal.

    I have been more exposed to the food cycle and it is eye opening. We have become blinded by bright lights in the supermarkets, to how easy it is to get food. I am not even referring to the artificially manufactured processed foods, but the organic section on the far end of the store. How many of us plant a seed, water it the right amount, expose it to the right amount of sunlight, add additional organic nutrients to the soil such as egg shells and potassium-rich banana peel water, watch flowers blossom and most wither away, see some of them take round shape, nurture the plant more, and finally harvest a small, plump, red cherry tomato?

    A long sentence, but a longer process indeed.

    Life is a process and the process is difficult. Those of us growing up in the Modern West have been mostly shielded from greater difficulties. We use our wit to find the path of least resistance.

    We avoid the process.

    However, there is an inevitability to the process.

    Thus, I say learn to enjoy the process.

  • Fire is my only friend tonight

    Fire is my only friend tonight

    Rustle in the trees, Big Dipper, Cassiopeia (auto corrected), Love Actually.

    Take me into Outer Space playing in my head.
    Snap, crackle, pop.

    Cool breeze, radiating heat, familiar scent.
    Quiet, wishfully, international chatter from the tent next door.

    Reminiscing, the memories from youth put a grin on my face.
    But they also reveal a hole in my heart.

    Loneliness is a gift from God.
    But it doesn’t feel that way now.

    I wish they were here.
    To talk, laugh, chat, make fun.

    About funny times, about beer, about food, about faith, about nothing.
    I miss them, I miss them dearly.

    Fire, is my only friend tonight.

  • 34 Bits of Unsolicited Advice

    1. Enjoy the process
    2. If the grass is greener on the other side, water your lawn*
    3. Learn to fight well
    4. It is good to be bicultural
    5. Ask questions often, offer opinions less (because opinions are the cheapest commodities, everyone has them)*
    6. New York is not the center of the world, nor anywhere for that matter
    7. Sharpen your saw*
    8. Sabbath does not mean Sunday or going to church
    9. Be the master over your dishwasher, do not let it master you
    10. Begin with the end in mind, thus you should read Top 5 Regrets of the Dying*
    11. Everything in moderation, even drinking water
    12. Do not believe everything that science or religion claims, but do have core beliefs
    13. Your own child’s poop does not smell like roses
    14. Being a full-time parent and caregiver is the hardest job you will ever have to do
    15. Say hello to your neighbors and people in the elevator
    16. Artificial intelligence is not as scary as you think
    17. Be extraordinarily ordinary, especially if you do not or can not be a master of one
    18. Always be learning
    19. True wealth is being content with what you have, but do not grow complacent
    20. Do not place all your eggs in one basket, especially with your identity
    21. You do not live to produce blood, so do not live just to make money*
    22. It is better to drive a Honda with much joy inside than a BMW with little joy inside
    23. Everyone can have and believe their own truths, but there will ultimately be only one truth
    24. Hike up a mountain
    25. Introversion is not an excuse to be anti-social
    26. Personality tests are useful, but do not depend on them
    27. Make your reality better than your fantasy
    28. Bro, it is okay to cry
    29. The present is a present*
    30. There is a fine line between confidence and cockiness
    31. First world problems. Period.
    32. It is not that cool to be able to drink a lot
    33. Beer pong should be played with simple rules, but respect house rules
    34. Having lots of money does not provide one with a sense of purpose

    * Taken or adapted from other sources

  • When I Die

    He found himself understanding the wearisomeness of this life, where every path was an improvisation and a considerable part of one’s waking life was spent watching one’s feet.

    Ralph, The Lord of the Flies

    Begin with the end in mind.

    When I die.

    The finality of the thought put down on paper has an odd peacefulness about the assurance of the event amidst life’s countless unexpected and unknown turn of events.

    When I die.

    In the West, our modern healthcare and developments have removed death from our sight, and a disillusion has quietly settled over our eyes and mind to believe that death is a far-removed occurrence and it often catches many by surprise. But there is nothing more certain about life than the fact that we will all die. When that will happen to whom, no one can predict (except maybe actuaries working at life insurance companies).

    When I die… When I die.

    Despite such a finality to life as we know it, the big and dark unknown of what comes next is the big life question that countless philosophers, theologians, and scientists have sought to answer. While I have some speculation on the matter, I only have full confidence to speak on what happens on this side of heaven and earth and from that lens, death is the end and where I shall begin.

    When I die.

    When I die, I want to die with a strong and healthy body. Despite the odds of getting cancer or the myriad of terminal illnesses these days, I want to do my best to prevent the most common issues, such as hypertension, hypercholesterolemia, diabetes mellitus, and the most overlooked risk factor to a healthy life, stress. I don’t need to look like a body builder, but I want a strong heart, powerful lungs, stable core, and clean blood. I want to die without major complications, without having to be bedridden in a hospital or at home. I want to be able to move freely, enjoy walks, give hugs, and smile with a full set of teeth. I want to die saying, I have honoured and taken good care of my body and the gift it has given me since my youth to whatever older age.

    When I die, I want to die with a heart full of peace and love. I want to die without harbouring any resent towards anyone. I want to die knowing that I loved my wife with all my heart, that I have committed myself to her since we first said, “I do.” I want to die having those around me feeling known and loved by me. I want my daughter to not have any daddy issues and grow up being covered in love, balanced with discipline and self-control, and to be a highly functioning person in the society she chooses to be a part of. I want my family members to feel as if they had a good son and son-in-law. I want my brother and brother-in-law to feel as if they had a good brother. I want my friends to feel that I have put them first and loved them before they chose to love me. I want my neighbours to feel loved as how I have loved myself. I want those whom I have come across to have known a little bit more goodness in their lives. I don’t need to be the most liked person, nor be known as the friendliest or happiest. I want to be remembered as someone who has enriched the lives of others within my circle of influence.

    When I die, I want to die with a sharp and clear mind. I want to remember all the great memories, both happy and challenging times of life. I want to be able to ponder the greater mysteries of this life. I hope to have answered some of the complexities with greater assurance, yet have a humble curiosity, letting go of the unnecessary pursuits from my youth. When I die, I want to have read all the books I desired. I want to have travelled the many adventures through space, wilderness, and fantasy lands. I want to have met the many great men and women of past. I want to know the powers of the “Masters of the Universe.” When I die, I hope to have left some small value to the next generation, to the ongoing narrative of history, leaving a bit of the culture and perspective of the era I lived in. I hope my thoughts can be transmitted in whatever medium to give inspiration, thought, and challenge to even one other person. I hope the numerous, endless nights of swimming in my own thoughts will not be a waste. Perhaps there are a handful of golden nuggets in the quagmire of opinions. When I die, I hope to still have had an open-mind, not bent on my own ways or become cynical and stale. I want to die, still asking questions and listening to the many stories and experiences others all have.

    When I die, I want to die by living a life centred around the rhythm of Sabbath. I want my work to be worshipful and my days of rest to be honouring to the Creator God. I want to die knowing the mystery of God a little more. I want to die with the hope of hearing, “good and faithful servant.” When I die, I hope my theological understanding of life may not be stagnant, but alive and vibrant as the days of my youth. I hope those around me may have benefited from fresh perspective and will have deepened their relation with a living God. When I die, I hope many will be practicing radically, ordinary hospitality. I hope there will be no Sunday-Monday gap. I hope tithing is more than 10% of post-tax income. I hope truncated versions of religion will have more meat around the bones. I hope when I die, at the least, those who have ears to hear would have benefited from the seemingly, meaningless pursuit and journey I am on. I hope when I die, I will not have turned from faith, regardless of the endless ideologies being thrown my way. I hope I can keep my soul pure and centred around Creator God, in anticipation of Jesus to usher in the new creation, and bringing the ultimate finality to death and to new life.

    When I die.

    I want to have no regrets. And that means now, since I don’t know when I will die. I want to live this way now.

    This goal is not a destination. The goal is a direction.

    I want to participate in creating a new creation in this manner, with my whole life and at the end of it, to be satisfied, having done my best to live a full life, not taking any of it for granted.

    When I die.

    Inspirations

    • The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
    • Mark, Counseler
    • Shiyon, Mentor
    • Gospel Comes with a House Key
    • The Misson of God
    • The Mission of God’s People
    • Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
    • Ender’s Game
    • Lord of the Rings
    • Hospital Playlist, Netflix
    • Tuesday with Morrie
    • Bible
    • Simplifying the Money Conversation
    • Gina, Wife

  • Find Your Purpose in Life Over Resolutions

    The beginning of a new year.

    It doesn’t really have much intrinsic value or significance. Yet, we look forward to it and celebrate with big countdowns, cheers, and kisses. We reset our mental and emotional clocks and dig deep to find a different will-power to achieve our New Year resolutions. We want to get more fit. We want to be happier. We want to be a better person.

    I stopped believing in making New Year resolutions from an early age. It was pointless. The new calendar year did not provide any magical power or motivation to achieve previous resolutions, thus I stopped believing.

    However, finding purpose in life, has been a game changer. It works, not only at the start of a new calendar year, but through the mundane rhythms of life. It works on a macro scale, providing framework and direction. It works on a micro scale to provide daily tasks and goals.

    I have searched wide and far for the meaning and purpose in life. I will save that full story for another time. But for now, I want to start this new, calendar year of 2021 with documenting my purpose in life.

    Purpose
    Participate in creating a new creation.

    Vision
    I want to leave whomever I come in contact with a little more loved,
    I want to leave whatever I touch a little more beautiful,
    I want to leave wherever I go a little more cleaner,
    I want to see a good, new creation.

    Mission
    Participate in healthy living and healthy working.
    Participate in loving relationships.
    Participate in rich thinking and learning.
    Participate in proper reflection and worship.

    Participation is key here.

    Not everyone may share the same beliefs that I do, but for those who claim to worship and love YHWH, Jesus Christ, Father, Son, and Spirit, for those who submit to biblical authority, for those who don the confusing title of Christian, participation is key.

    Understanding the biblical narrative, which thus shapes and overarches our own narratives, invites the people of God to participate in the mission of God. It is not our own mission that we devise ourselves. Often times I have found that I tried mixing secular wisdom of finding one’s own purpose with simply participating in the grand purpose of God. The syncretism of these values express itself in modern, Western Christian teaching as, “finding God’s calling for me.” It sounds holy, but in reality it is simply using the holy name of God masked around our own selfish desires and pursuits.

    Participation is key, because it reminds me that life is much bigger than my own little ideas and values. It is easy to drink the Kool-Aid of modern, post-modern life and believe that I am the most important person in the world. If that is true, then I determine my own purpose, not the constricting values of society or archaic philosophy of religion. The Kool-Aid tastes good at first, but at the end of the day, it is made up of artificial sugars and false promises. However much we want to believe that we are autonomous, self-enlightened, rationale beings, we all have been influenced and shaped by values bigger than we can see. What we want to listen to, what we want to shape our lives, is our choice. And that is why participation frees us from the tyranny of both institutional oppression and individual self-fulfillment.

    One does not have to look far to see that 2020 into the beginning of 2021 has not been a very good year for most. As much as we have advanced as society, we are still plagued by microscopic viruses that make the strongest leaders and people crumble to their knees. Global and local tension highlight a lack of peace and unity, despite all the movements towards harmony. Our earth is being raped of all its goodness by the very people that depend on her. And while Christianity and Christians have not always been the hero, the narrative that God is writing, the author of life and history, is one where there will be a new creation. And this is not a new purpose, a beautiful, good creation was the intent from the beginning, and will be fulfilled in the time to come. It is this story I want to be a part of, it is the story of God that I want to participate in. And the beauty of participation is that I can still be me, I can bring what little I have and offer it as I simply build along side the ultimate Creator.

    This purpose, has shaped my vision, and has given me a particular mission. It is a holistic approach to loving and worshiping God. And with it, I am excited to tackle 2021. I am excited about weekly plans.

    I am excited about each day that I can participate in creating a new creation.

  • New Death, New Life

    “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist.” – Oscar Wilde

    My friend recently passed away and his death was another reminder of how fleeting life is. Many of us that live in the modern West pursue and enjoy youth, vitality, and health. Death, suffering, pain—these things are almost antithetical to Western values. No one likes to hear about or listen to someone else’s troubles, thus we tend not to share or disclose these seemingly negative stories. For the few that are fortunate enough to have friends or community who care enough, may be able to share in private and find support through trying times.

    Death has such a profound impact on one’s thoughts and reflections, yet it is heavily avoided, perhaps even feared. I am no stranger to death, but my friend’s recent passing made me once again hit the pause button on life and wonder…

    [insert from journal entry day of friend’s death]

    What a surreal reality, death occurring at such a young age and how so many of us think we are immortal, entitled to live a long, full life. Yet, what do we spend our time doing?

    I ask myself, what would I want to be doing if I knew I was at the end of the road? Where would I like to see myself?

    The premise of this question rests on health. I don’t want to be in a place where I am too ill to do anything, but receive treatment, go to hospitals, and be looked after. If that were the case, I would want to be with my wife and loved ones, but I also desire not to be a burden. I would think about the past life and if I would regret anything? Promises unfulfilled? What would be the answer now?

    Own and ride a motorcycle? Too small… Travel? Any place I have not been? Not really… Mountains summited to seas explored and beaches basked… Momentary highs and reflections of how small we are would bring me back… home. Being with my wife in good health… Wow can’t say I have too many reservations.

    Would I be unsatisfied with the possible regret of wanting to achieve more? Seeing some things happen in my lifetime? Peace, prosperity, unity, God’s kingdom? Not really… Is that a limited, selfish, narrow perspective?

    I ask again, what would I like to see happen in my lifetime? What would I like to achieve?

    Jadedness? From traveling, seeing, experiencing, that my heart is jaded to think what is the point? Fleeting life? Yet contrast that with a couple of days ago of desiring more. Why? Leave a legacy? Leave provisions for the next generation? Am I that comfortable?

    [end]

    When we live in a culture that only celebrates and focuses on life and positivity, these seem to lose their value and meaning. For those who live a privileged life and may think that the lack of struggles and pains is a fortunate thing, ironically have the most empty lives. Many may think that they are living, but in reality they are simply existing—existing in comforts and security, in stale relationships, in consumerism, and in meaningless pursuits.

    This so called privilege we live in is evident in many facets, but more recently relevant with birth. As we are expecting a new birth and new life, it is very common to see the focus and celebration of life. Social media posts, baby showers, outpouring of gifts, letters and messages, public announcements, all celebrating new life. The scale leans heavily towards this kind of celebration, with very little room for the lamentation of the many unspoken deaths, the deep wounds and scars, unanswered questions and prayers, and those who may not be able to experience the gift of life.

    Is this the right way to approach life? Are we doing a disservice to ourselves by not acknowledging and addressing death? That death makes life precious. Death makes life meaningful.

    This is particularly more true for the Christian. Or at least it ought to be. Yet, how often do we see a new birth announcement and baby dedication in a church gathering compared to the death of a sixteen week child? How often do we celebrate life and how often do we claim victory over death? I question my belief, my faith, I question how real death and resurrection is. I question Christians living in the West, if our lives reflect something drastically different than someone who does not share the same belief? I am learning that it is one thing to say that I believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and another to live that belief out.

    I hope that I can live, and not just exist. I hope my death will be as much as a celebration as my life. I hope I can relay this message to my child and not forget how fleeting life can be and how precious it is. I hope existence doesn’t sweep over living. I hope for that resurrected life.

    My friend’s recent death has probably brought much pain to those closest to him. I don’t intend to diminish or take away any of the pain and mourning, yet I also acknowledge how his life as well as his death was truly something different…

    Tribute
    Through your life and death, you have made me reflect more on life and more on God. You had your quirks, like your particular taste buds, loving games and gaming, and being sold out for Christ, and you had such a warmth, your big bear hugs skipping over the distant handshake, your brightness that must have reflected the light of God, the light and Spirit of God. Thank you for your life, and I hope to honor you in your death, to remember this fleeting, temporary life of mine, to not waste the moments, to be grateful, to pursue, run while I can, to know more of God and myself, live unashamed, live warmly, live honestly. Thank you.

  • Brainstorm Personal Mission Statement

    The past few months I have revisited some old books like Think and Grow Rich, 7 Habits, as well as personal assessments. Today, I speed-listened to a video seminar by Jim Rohn (How to Live Your Best Life). I’m coming to a realization that the advice of the wealthy is very similar and has not really changed. I’m also realizing that I have come across these principles in the past, applied some aspects, but more recently have forgotten or ceased to practice some of those disciplines and principles. The greatest and most challenging of my most recent self-discovery and reflection is how weak my why, my desire, my purpose has become. Reflecting on where I have come from till now, I went through a season of simply wanting money and financial freedom without much purpose and mainly because that is what the culture and world taught me. However, a shift happened while pursuing greater meaning, meeting and knowing God that veered me away from desiring or coveting such things, idols, and living by one of my own principles:

    “True wealth is being content with what you have.”

    While I believe this principle’s underlying virtue is gratitude and that gratitude translates to many positive fruits, the flip-side of it is that it has made me very complacent, as well as lack desires, direction, and purpose. Initially, my fervor after knowing God supplanted all other desires and while there is also much treasure to know that there is no other greater reward than to know God, translating to know self, I have and am operating in this seemingly confusing tension, under the “tyranny of or”. It is either God and only fulfillment there or the world and what it constitutes and not have God or God’s approval. While I am approaching a realization and somewhat indefinite conclusion that God is a mystery and some things I will never understand, I don’t want to lose this life-giving revelation, yet I want desire, direction, that will translate into something tangible here. Jim Rohn said a few things that stuck:

    1. If you don’t need or expect much, you won’t be much
    2. Not all profit and value is tangible, but one of the easiest measures is money
    3. Achieving financial freedom or lofty goals is more about what kind of person you become

    Loving my wife, being an amazing and the best husband has been the primary goal the past four years and I think I have achieved this to the best degree based on what people say and by her affirmation. I don’t want to forget nor cease to be the best husband, however, I think… no I want something more.

    Today is the day to reinitiate some loftier goals of personal development, to jump start the growth of a personal mission statement, discovering inner desires and external callings, to no longer exist, but to live, and grow in who knows how long I will have on this side of heaven, on this planet, Earth, this side of life as we know. So here goes, today, June 7th, 2018, 31 years old, ordinary Thursday in Vancouver, Canada, leaning on all past experiences, knowledge, advice, teaching, guiding and forming. A word vomit to assess and brainstorm my personal mission statement:

    First, to know God, to love God, with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. Despite all the mysteries, inconsistencies, issues with churches, hypocrisy of Christians, this greater narrative, greater force and presence in my life is undeniable, provides all other structure and meaning to why I seek more, why I do, why I love, why I live.

    Second, to love my wife, my greatest gift, my partner, my friend, my helper, my house CEO, my home, my love. Four years in, could not have expected for this love to be stronger than the day we met; the love is so much better than the infatuation and the thrill. No matter what life throws our way, she will be number one priority, because at the end of the day, all the other great achievements and success pales in comparison. Nearly losing her is something to never forget, having her daily is something to always be grateful for.

    Third, now this is where there has been much uncertainty, change, and now the most excitement! What goes here? Many will probably have within the top three something along the lines of occupation, career, profession, craft, vocation, or what have you. I know that none of these are principles to stand nor rest on, knowing how feeble they are. Many, maybe lumped with marriage or spouse is family. That definition being their own or perhaps immediate and/or relatives. With a child on the way, I know that will affect and shift my life in new and radical ways. But to build on that is not necessarily principle based. The same can be said about my wife. This is the strange dilemma that has kept me largely in passive action towards life. What is the point? Rohn would say, who knows? Keep it simple. And maybe that ought to be my key to filling this out.

    “Dreams are not born of indifference, laziness, or lack ambition.” – N. Hill

    • Be the best husband
    • Be the best father
    • Financial freedom, pursue prosperity
    • Learn about community, impact community (relation building)
    • Physical fitness, strong core, flexible, healthy eating, cardio movement
    • Always learning, reading, observing, listening, challenging, writing
    • Good family member, to my parents and brother, to Gina’s parents and Jin, and to the extended we may come into contact with
    • Make the world a better place, conscious eating, recycling, cleaning, share hope and love to circle of influence
    • Focus on influence, not on the circle of concern (e.g. poverty, global church, technological destruction) (Covey)
    • Great darts player, compete in legitimate competition
    • Impact people positively. High EQ, communication, desire, and heart
    • Practice thanksgiving, generosity; combat consumerism
    • Pursue holiness, pursue God, word and deed, not just good morality; know the greater story and remember the story
    • Business? Corporation?
    • Blockchain technology? Linked with financial freedom?
    • Establish philosophy; don’t blame the resources (Rohn)
    • Coffee and beer cafe?
    • Global IQ/EQ?

    Strange how there is a limit to desires when asked to put it on paper and list. Also interesting that I can’t put anything down in context to career or occupation. Yet, that is such a major concern for so many. Rohn: “To make a living verse to make a fortune.”

    “In their hearts humans plans their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” – Proverbs 16:9 NIV

  • Hungry

    Last summer, I had a rude awakening to not only how much weight I had gained, but how much bigger my fat cells grew, particularly around the waist and thighs. While on a family trip, all the shorts I previously owned did not fit and more alarmingly, I bought new shorts which were too tight but comfortably fit my father-in-law, who visually appeared to be rounder than me. I knew something had to change.

    Having done multiple workout regimens from endurance running, Insanity®, P90X®, HIIT, I knew I was able to do these workouts, yet as soon as “life got busy,” I quickly found myself gaining all the weight back that I had lost for the few weeks or months I was disciplined in keeping to those regimens. Not to blame marriage, but after getting married, it was definitely harder to keep to strict workout regimens, so I was on a search for a sustainable method to keep healthy. After two and a half years, I finally found the only thing that works is—portion control.

    Portion Control

    By changing dietary habits and being strict to how much I ate in a given meal, I found that not only did I quickly drop to a healthy weight, but have been able to maintain that weight over a few months. During this process, I would receive a lot of remarks concerning how little I was eating and that my meal was not enough food. When looking at the amount of food relative to how much I was previously eating, it certainly would seem that eating an apple and drinking a cup of tea for breakfast is certainly a lot less food than a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich on a whole wheat bagel.

    After a couple of months of portion controlling, I found that my body was able to sustain on much less amounts of food, and while being slightly hungry, I was not weakened by this state, but rather more alert, energetic, and perhaps both literally and figuratively, lighter.

    Though it seems paradoxical, I realized how freeing it is to control what and how much I eat, leading to much greater benefits in my life. It is a stark contrast to being in a constant state of food coma, resulting from eating too much quantity of poor quality food. Though at the moment, eating General Tso chicken with pork fried rice combo is super convenient and delicious, or housing down mouthwatering, buffalo chicken wings with super thick and creamy, lobster macaroni and cheese is certainly enjoyable, I’ve rarely felt a lasting satisfaction or joy after those meals. Rather, I would feel uncomfortably full and know something was awry in my digestive tract. And the challenge with eating whatever we want, whenever we want, is that eating foods high in salt, processed carbs, and whatever other ingredient most people can’t pronounce, is that it is difficult to control that lifestyle of eating. While it may seem freeing at the moment to eat whatever and whenever, the lasting consequences are so limiting on our physical health as well as our mental and emotional well-being.

    Life Coma

    This recent change in eating habit led me to see a similarity between food comas and “life comas”. Living in the tristate area of the US, I’m surrounded by much affluence, status, intellect, and what seems like full lives. However, when I observe individuals living their lives, when carefully listening to conversations about jobs, relationships, or family, I find that most of us in this area are unsatisfied, despite having access to so much.

    We have the ability to feast our lives with much to do, whether it be focusing on our careers, going to watch Broadway shows, searching for the new food craze, purchasing the next hypebeast sneaker, drinking the best craft beer, planning a vacation to the tropical islands, whatever it is, we have the resources and ability to do whatever we want. Yet, I find that many, including myself, to be bored easily, unsatisfied, feeling uncomfortably full just like when we eat too much and are in a food coma. I wonder, how many of us have life coma because we are filling our lives with such a great quantity of poor quality things and things to do.

    Though there are a lot of criticisms, reassessments, and ongoing studies about the correlation between happiness and money, both on individual and national levels, one thing for sure is that there is a plethora of data, articles, and opinions on this topic. There have been arguments and discussions regarding the Easterlin paradox, or the hedonic treadmill and adaptation. Recent documentaries such as Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things, Happy, or Living on One Dollar, have been creating a buzz around this topic. Without being an economist or psychologist, trying to discuss the differences between absolute and relative income and the effects or correlation to happiness, or different theories on the subjective perception on happiness and money, one thing I know for sure is that there is a consistent theme that there is something to discover about wealth, money, and its pursuit versus happiness, satisfaction, and the fulfillment of our lives.

    On a personal level, I can attest to the fact that there is indeed a “happiness benchmark” when it comes to household income. As both my wife and I have degrees that offer well paying jobs and possibilities of careers, we quickly found that for the sake of our early marriage, it was not worth making a dual income, approaching nearly $200,000, at the expense of the time we have had with one another. I can also attest to the fact that living in North Jersey, cost of living is extremely high and not making enough money to cover the necessities, such as housing, basic transportation, food, and a little bit of entertainment can also be a major point of stress and dissatisfaction. We’ve finally found the sweet spot with her working full-time at a place where she enjoys the work and the people, and for me to work part-time to have a little bit of extra income and a lot more time with my wife. After experimenting with different scenarios and adjusting our lifestyles to fit what we made, rather than fitting our paychecks to a certain perception of a lifestyle we may have believed we needed, three years into our marriage and we can both truly attest to the belief that more is not always better, or that not having enough can be a struggle.

    I’m finding that even as I take a look at the current possessions we own, how much of it do we truly need? Where is the line between our wants and our needs? I’ve personally found that stripping away certain things in my life such as social media, clothes, or a false sense of the need to be the primary provider for my household, or the desire to constantly please others at the expense of my own health, has brought me to a point of much greater freedom in my life. Yet, as I take further inventory, I’m wondering how much more unnecessary things or false sense of responsibilities I have that keep me in a constant state of life coma.

    Just like learning how to portion control what we eat and seeing the numerous benefits, I’m seeing a possible correlation with what we consume in our lives and its effects. Perhaps there is something to discover, similar to knowing what foods are healthier and when and how to stop overeating, that there is a sweet spot in life with what we consume and not to overfill with unhealthy, unnecessary things or responsibilities.

    As I reap the benefits of being hungry physically, I’m beginning to realize how much better could it be to have a hungry life, rather than what seems like a full life. And the irony is that how much more fulfilling it is to be hungry, rather than always being full.

  • A Medical Review of the Stagnant Life

    It has already been a couple of years since the inception of Enjoy the Process, and since its beginning, I’ve experienced so much in the short amount of time—new avenues of work and passions, new relationships, and new depths of faith.

    The journey has been amazing and there is not a moment that I regret. There were many gems hidden along the path and of course many hardships as well, but it is the sum of both these polar experiences that does not negate one another, but rather together is the greater product of the entire journey.

    And while traversing this path, most of the time the process has been a slow and steady growth, pursuing forward. Sometimes it was hectic and fast paced and you can only reflect after the fact. However, the common theme regardless of pace, is that there is an intentionality in moving forward, pursuing on, even in the times of “being still,” it is an active process of waiting and reflecting, rather than becoming stagnant.

    STAGNANCY

    The World Health Organization warns that stagnant or slow-flowing waters are prime breeding grounds for many insects, mainly mosquitos, which can transmit different diseases like dengue and malaria. It is evident in nature, that the most critical life-giving element of water, when stagnant can become a breeding ground for horrible life-sucking diseases. As nature is one of the best teachers, I definitely saw the parallels of the side effect of stagnant water and the stagnant life.

    Causes
    A stagnant life is hard to diagnosis, for it can seem like a forward-moving one. A stagnant life births when we lose the drive of living intentionally, when the life-giving flow ceases to exist. It can disguise itself as slow-flowing, which is subtly different than the active periods of waiting in life. Factors such as comforts, distractions, or illusions can cause this stagnancy.

    Comfort is commonly sought out by individuals, coming second after physiological needs in Maslow’s hierarchy. While there is some value of tending to our extrinsic needs, there is more than ample evidence that intrinsic values provide more happiness to most individuals. It is easy for many of us to get caught up with tending to our comforts, despite having so much of it already. There is a delusion that we do not have enough and eventually, it seems as if we are moving forward adding to our comforts, but rather it simply becomes a trap to stagnancy.

    Distractions are ubiquitous, especially with the onslaught of social media, on-demand entertainment, and more and more instant gratifications. Some of these distractions are harmless in and of themselves, sometimes providing good benefits, however the gluttonous indulgence of any and all forms of distractions is what prevents many from living the most fulfilling lives. Sadly, it takes something drastic to wake us up from the drowning effects of distractions and often times we lose so much of our most precious commodity, time.

    An individual may seem like he or she is living a productive life, waking up in time for work, completing projects and meeting deadlines, going out afterwards to meet with friends to grab a drink, and occasionally traveling somewhere they haven’t been. It’s the “normal” routine that a good number of hard-working, high-achieving individuals pursue, and for many it ultimately provides the deepest meaning to life. Unfortunately, as studies and personal stories can attest to, it is evident that this attitude and approach to work is not fulfilling many millennials, and it is solely an illusion to our identity and our lives.

    Effects
    The stagnant life may seem okay on the surface, but in reality it is slowly breeding tiny “insects”, which can transmit fatal diseases to multiple areas of our lives such as our work, our bodies, and most importantly, our relationships.

    Individuals are caught up in the illusion of finding meaning in their careers or making money and will jump on the hamster wheel running ferociously but getting no where. It is easy to become mindless drones, working endlessly with the hopes of getting somewhere, but without an intentional approach to the work that we do, that’s when our work and careers quickly become jobs that we hate, and ever so quickly do we turn to look for another ladder to climb or hamster wheel to run on.

    Physical stagnancy has become an epidemic, literally. Western nations have now put a medical term to this—obesity. While there are few individuals who have genetic mutations causing obesity and require medical treatment, the vast majority have simply become physically stagnant. Again, there is a delusion that the movement in our everyday lives is enough to offset the detrimental effects of being sedentary and eating an overabundance of unhealthy, processed foods; however, our society is now seeing the consequences of this stagnancy. And the simple truth is that it does not take running marathons or $100+ gym memberships, but rather being consistent in some type of physical activity and being mindful of what we feed our bodies.

    The stagnant life is most detrimental to our relationships. It is evident in families, friendships, marriages, and relationship with God. At least in my personal experience and network of acquaintances, there are so many broken families. Whether clearly evident through divorces and single parent homes, to more inconspicuous hurts harbored though silent dinners and cold bedrooms, there is no shortage of broken and hurt families. And as young individuals turn their attention and time to friends, the usual meet ups and repetitive hangouts can quickly stagnate to nothing more than spending time to get our minds off of different stresses. Stagnate marriages are most scary as on the exterior they look as if the relationship is progressing, as the busyness of simply doing life together replaces the intentionality of being more intimate with one another, loving more deeply and richly. The stagnate relationship may go on for years until it is too late to realize that a hidden disease has been transmitted to the core, resulting in hardness of hearts, insecurity, lack of fulfillment, leading to the ultimate death of the once vibrant and glowing relationship that started in a ceremonious celebration. The same goes for our relationship with God or our faith. It is easy to get caught up in religious activities, thinking that by participating or placing ourselves in religious environments will spur our love for a living God. Similar to a marriage, simply living together in the same house is not the same as facing one another, gazing into each other’s eyes, appreciating everything about the beloved, the good, the bad, and the mystery.

    TREATMENT

    Like any good treatment, the preventative approach is best. It’s important to quickly identify what causes the stagnancy in our lives, such as comforts, distractions, and/or illusions. Taking intentional approaches to battle the causes, such as not getting lazy in comforts, limiting distractions, and actively being introspective, questioning the why of life in order to not get caught in an illusion, will help prevent stagnancies to occur in the first place.

    Perhaps the subtle effects of stagnancy has already crept into different areas of life—the very reason why I am writing this piece. It is not enough to simply recognize and acknowledge that these harms exist, but rather, it is critical to stir up and unplug the clogs that slowly built up over time leading to the stagnancy. It is important to take a step off of the hamster wheel and reflect on where it is I am headed; to get off of my lazy ass and do something, and demonstrate some self-control on how much I gorge myself; and lastly, to be the first one to make the change in the relationship, no matter how difficult or awkward it may be, knowing that if nothing changes, the stagnancy will lead to a life-ending disease.

    Although all these approaches are easier said than done, knowing that the rewards are endless can give some hope and power to pushing on—healthier bodies, a more positive self-image, more energy to tackle work and relationships, these healthier relationships providing more fulfilling and happy lives, and understanding that identity is not defined by the work that we do. Knowing that an active life, flowing like a stream of living water is the most vibrant and life-giving, most certainly makes it worth pursuing.

    As I make these subtle changes, I’m excited to see how my journey continues to unfold. I’m excited to keep enjoying the process and continue to share and document these experiences, hopefully without ever growing stagnate in the process.

  • What is your retirement dream?

    Sitting poolside at a beautiful resort, the sound of a cascading waterfall in the background, ice cold Pina colada in one hand served by a friendly waiter, an engaging book in the other, relaxing for endless hours without a care in the world, where time is only judged by the position of the sun in the clear, baby blue sky…

    Standing on perfectly maintained green grass, surrounded by magnificent mountains and breathtaking landscapes, calmly breathing in unpolluted fresh air, ready to take the last putt on the 18th hole for a birdie, knowing what awaits is a victory ice cold beer, and the cool ride home in an electric red Porsche…

    It sounds too good to be true, a life worth striving for, working hard in our earlier years to hopefully reach this point in our lives where we can retire and simply enjoy the pleasures of life.

    For many, it is the American dream. It is what we see in movies, what we talk about with friends, what we hear about from our bosses when they occasionally call into the office to make sure the work is being done and clients are satisfied.

    For a privileged few, this is already a reality, a vacation. And fortunately, I had the opportunity to live this retirement dream for a couple of days when I took a trip to Arizona—golf haven, retirement home central, and reliable sunny days. I experienced and witnessed this life and to be honest, it was relaxing, stress-free, and enjoyable. However, when I looked at the multitude of individuals and couples who sat by the pool, walked the golf courses, I noticed something and began to wonder, “Are these people truly happy? Did they achieve what they want in life and in their later years, are they fulfilled, joyful, worry-free?” Obviously I don’t know what these people are truly feeling or thinking, but by observation, it just didn’t seem so. That made me wonder, what does my end look like? What does “retirement” mean to me?

    Begin with the end in mind

    While I had a lot of time to reflect and think, I began with one of the “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”—begin with the end in mind. Now when thinking about life, what we know with absolute certainty for humans is that our end is death. When we draw upon this habit and really begin with the ultimate end, it certainly helps us put things into perspective and gives us a different lens to view our life and the meaning behind it. But that’s for a different time…

    I began with a different end—retirement. Retirement is usually discussed in the context of work and our careers, usually achieved around the age of 65 for social security benefits to kick in and hopefully for the fortunate few that saved, their 401-k’s and other retirement funds. With the exception of the unicorn stories, the Fortune Magazine 30 under 30 group, self-made millionaires, viral apps being acquired by mega companies, the majority of us work a vast portion of our lives (assuming we start working soon after graduating college in our early 20s and retiring in our mid to late 60s). Forty years… Approximately forty years we work, whether purposefully, intentionally, toward a goal, perhaps retirement, or maybe for some, aimlessly, without even a dream of sitting pool side or owning that Porsche.

    I wondered, would I be satisfied with living out my recent vacation, every single day when I’m older? Soaking up the sun, playing golf, eating food and being served by someone else so I don’t have to lift a pinky up? As relaxing and enjoyable my recent vacation was, I don’t know if I would be satisfied with the cliche American retirement dream. It’s not to say that it is an undesirable dream, most certainly not, but to wonder if I would be satisfied with my life, to work hard for 40 somewhat years to enjoy, if lucky, another 15-20 years of it, does not seem like something I look forward to nor desire. It does not seem like a good investment of the precious resource of time given to me. Not to say that nothing bad won’t happen within those years where all the hard work would then amount to nothing anyway.

    A new retirement fund

    So if working hard, saving, and hustling to achieve comfort, relaxation, and what seems like “freedom” is not my own personal dream, then what is? What is… Now this is a difficult question, a difficult picture to paint in our heads because we’ve been absorbing since an early age this one picture of retirement.

    I don’t know if I have an exact picture, a dream, or an end goal I’m striving for, but there are a few things that I can say at this stage and point of my life:

    1) I don’t want to wait until I’m in the last quarter of my life, to be able to fully enjoy life

    The common perception here is that we need lots of money to be able to be free, to enjoy life, but I’ve seen enough with my own eyes that there is so much happiness aside from the expensive luxuries of life, but that priceless treasures bring us so much more joy than what a consumer mentality teaches us. I want to continue to learn how to be content with what I have, and as a friend once said, “to live simply, and give lavishly”. I don’t need to wait to really enjoy every day of my life, to be thankful and grateful for what I have thus far, and to fully enjoy that.

    2) I want to surround myself with people who share a similar hope

    We know how easy it is to be influenced by the people around us, and there is much wisdom whether through literature or science, that supports this fact. And having traveled much, both inside and outside the states, I can confidently say that the New York, tristate area is definitely a major proponent of the lifestyle in placing an extreme emphasis on more work, more money, status, power, and fueling the idea that we need to have more to enjoy life and that luxurious things are better—luxury goods, luxury vacations, luxury foods, luxury homes. Having been blessed with much, I can say that though some of these things are most certainly nice to have, they are not necessary to have a fulfilling life.

    3) I want to be in a place where I won’t forget what the ultimate end is

    I know that life is short, having had near death experiences at an early age, having witnessed too many deaths from the small circle of people I know. I know that there is more to life and as I continue to grow in my understanding of this life, I want to be in a place that I can share with others my discoveries of greater joys, greater freedom, greater love, and a deeper meaning to what we view as our precious lives.

    It is certainly not a definitive picture, and perhaps that’s better? Regardless, it is a direction, a focus, that allows me to not only invest into a 401-k, but also invest into my retirement fund of meaning, of joy, of love, of peace, and knowing that when I do so, my returns are truly priceless and limitless.

    …Holding the hand of my beloved wife after many years of being together, weathering through the storms and enjoying the sunshine, still making each other laugh, holding onto one another like the honeymoon phase of our relationship, heart being tender and affectionate, gut still dropping when she gazes into my eyes… Meeting with various people, people who we can share our love and our joy with, people who we can laugh with, people who need care and can care for us, people who still make us better after many experienced years… Sharing a meal together, a simple meal, but delicious because of the laughter, the love, brightness and energy, sharing stories of hope, stories of love… And at the end of the day, going to bed with the warmth, comfort, and peace, of truly being happy with all that we have, however much or however little, knowing that we lived that day to the fullest, knowing that the day was meaningful and beautiful…

    That’s a wonderful retirement for me.

  • So What Do You Do?

    This is a common question we are either asked or ask ourselves when we first meet people. It’s a seemingly safe, small-talk type of question, however why is it that this is the first question we (as a society) ask?

    I remember the first time I thought about this when I asked an individual and they responded, as if they were ashamed, that they were not employed at that time. My immediate thought was, “Oh, then what do you do?” (in a condescending tone) however after pausing for a split moment, I realized.. what’s wrong with that?

    It was after encounters like this that I began recognizing more in myself and in others how often this is where most conversations begin. What I thought seemed innocent, really turns out to be a much deeper, embedded value system of the society we live in.

    Some background..

    Having worked in the Medical Communication industry for a little over 3 years, I attained two promotions during that time and was well regarded amongst my peers and upper management. I had a Doctorate in Pharmacy and though was relatively young, was still held in high regards and looked upon for advice and insight for my division. After a journey of ups and downs in the corporate setting, I left this job to pursue an entrepreneurial journey. For the next year and a half, I attempted to create a new business model by using small businesses for social good, consulted a new online startup company and shaping its value proposition, as well as join an existing startup company learning how to manage and create culture from the bottom up.

    It was throughout this journey that I’ve encountered numerous times, some out of genuine curiosity, the question of, “so what do you do?” I began to realize more and more how much our society values and identifies with what we do—that is, what is our profession, our career, our status, and of course tied closely with that an estimation of how much money we make and what kind of lifestyles we can leisurely enjoy.

    During the transition times I had between each of the ventures, I really began exploring within myself how much I identified with what I did. What I initially perceived as something not as important to me, I quickly realized how much I too, am simply a product of our environment and society. During the down times when I did not have work, was at home, while the wife went off to work, feelings of insecurity and lesser self-worth started creeping in. It wasn’t that I couldn’t get a job (a well-paying job at that), but exploring this journey of entrepreneurship was more important to me. However, people around me did not understand, especially the ones that are closest to me. It was the family members who did not understand how as a man I was not providing for my family, the friends who would half jokingly make remarks that I am not doing anything with my time and my life, and of course, it was my own voice that haunted me the most, wondering, “what am I really doing with my life?”

    A new perspective..

    After lots of self reflection, support from my beloved wife, reading various literature, that I began to overcome this value system created by our society’s culture. I began to see more clearly how this culture took shape. It’s from childhood, that we are imposed with this belief that “we can achieve anything, the sky is the limit, just believe in yourself and you can do it” mentality. Then there are some parents (particularly the Asian American ones) who push their children to get the best grades, to take multiple extracurricular activities, who “want the best for their children,” who set expectations that only esteemed degrees such as doctors, lawyers, and high-salary bankers, are the only careers worth pursuing. Perhaps, more subtly, it is also from the pulpit that pastors preach that we are called to live “more impactful lives”, to pursue worthy lives, to never settle.

    All these different facets of life from childhood, to becoming more competitive in high school to get into the best colleges, to then get the best jobs, to then take on a career that was nothing more than an illusion of satisfaction and success, has led us to identify ourselves with what we do.

    Now, though of course there are positive influences and life-lessons from this type of drive, ones such as hard work, being productive, disciplined, etc., when those good character building traits are lost in the midst of simply becoming a slave to the system, we are just constantly, aimlessly working for more (more money, status, power), ultimately fueling our own self-esteem. We become nothing more than the infamous rats running the race, the mindless drones climbing an illusory ladder, knowing that what awaits us at the top is really nothing great at all.

    Currently, I am not working a well paying corporate office job nor pursuing the seemingly glamorous entrepreneurial startup, but rather am learning to appreciate the finer things in life, like maximizing the time with my wife. I am learning to be content with what we have, instead of always yearning for more. I am learning to be okay with not being defined by what I do, but rather I’m defined by simply who I am. I am an individual, who doesn’t like to settle for the norm, who questions and thinks (perhaps a little too much for his own good), who loves spending time with people and certain individuals, who has a deeper relationship with God, who has a story to tell about his life. That’s who I am. I am not defined by being a pharmacist, a 6-figure salary man, an entrepreneur, or a writer. Rather, those things are just a small part of my life.

    With these insights, it’s sometimes uncomfortable to ask, “What do you like to do?” or “So what kind of person are you?” but perhaps it will get people off the normal script of life and not to simply identify ourselves with what we do, but really begin to find out who we really are.